Alright, now hear me out on this one…

In early March of this year, an often overlooked traditional Japanese monster known as a “yokai” became an overnight sensation for its purported ability to ward off epidemics. Named Amabie, it once told a human in 1846 that if an epidemic were to ever break out, then they should draw a picture of it and show it to as many people as possible to help stop the spread.

Sure, it was a long shot, but what harm could drawing a picture of a weird mermaid thing do? So, thousands of people in Japan, from acclaimed manga artists to donut makers, began to create their own depictions of Amabie and show everyone thanks to the power of the Internet.

It was all harmless fun in the spirit of helping and protecting each other. But much like a biological virus, the viral trend of Amabie began to mutate into something far more unsettling than a three legged sea monster.

That above tweet is more than just a…I don’t know what that would be normally, but fans of anagrams might immediately notice that “AMABIE” is but one errant “I” away from “I AM ABE.” Ergo vis-à-vis ipso facto prima face ad inifnitum: Abe is Amabie.

You just can’t argue with that much logic and Latin.

“I love that ‘Amabie’ is an anagram for ‘I am Abe.'”

As you might expect, the details about how the Prime Minister of Japan is a 170-plus-year-old monster are murky. However, the two prevailing theories are that the original Amabie tale was actually prophesying the rise of Shinzo Abe to power at the time of an epidemic, or that Abe or someone in his administration leaked the Amabie story to subliminally generate support for him through the potent magic of foreign-language anagrams.

Yeah, I know…but let’s reserve judgement until we hear from others online.

“‘Ama Ebi’ [sweet shrimp] can also become ‘I am Abe’ so…”
“If people are seriously thinking this, then we have a problem on our hands.”
“Life is just like a cheap detective novel.”
“I heard that COVID-19 affects the brain as well.”
“Some people just have Abe on the mind all the time.”
“But my name is Abe too…”
“This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read.”
“Too much self-isolation for some people.”
“I think the subliminal trick failed.”

Indeed, if this is a conspiracy by the Abe government to get us to love him by proxy of a goblin-like creature, it might very well have been the most ineffective conspiracy in human history.

▼ The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare even adopted Amabie as a mascot for their posters

Image: Wikipedia/Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare

Public support for the PM during this crisis has been hitting record lows and in a recent worldwide poll asking citizens of 23 countries about their satisfaction with political leadership at this time, Japan ranked the least satisfied. Considering some of the pieces of work out there ruling nations, that’s saying a lot.

▼ Although widely criticized by the WHO for his failures to contain outbreaks in Latveria, Dr. Doom largely pins the blame on “those meddlesome do-gooders the Fantastic 4”

In Abe’s defense, his administrative hands were largely tied when it came to enforcing lockdowns. That being said, it’s still hard not to feel that more could have been done.

A state of emergency was enacted, extended, and lifted, and I still haven’t gotten my comically undersized, bug-filled masks I was promised, and he’s treating his economic relief plan with all the urgency of my brother who owes me five bucks.

I find it hard to believe the real Amabie would do me like this.

Source: Tokyo Sports, Itai News, With News, Niconico News
Top image: ©SoraNews24
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