Our favorite hair stylist’s skills are certainly no malarkey.

As the years drift by, Mr. Sato has been aging rather gracefully and adopted a distinguished salt and pepper hair.

However, unlike many men who turn to dyes at such a stage, Mr. Sato embraced the grey and actually hoped to go full white in the future.

But why wait?

At our disposal is one of Tokyo’s greatest hairstylists Koji Sato, whom Mr. Sato affectionately refers to as “God Hand,” and we will too, so we don’t get our Satos mixed up. God Hand’s most recent achievement was giving our other reporter Seiji Nakazawa an amazingly accurate hairstyle of Kyojuro Rengoku from Demon Slayer.

It was also God Hand and his crew at Shea in Aoyama, Tokyo in who transformed Mr. Sato into the spitting image of Donald Trump back in 2016.

So if anyone could help Mr. Sato prematurely mature his hair color, it’d be God Hand.

However, what famously white-haired individual would he try to model his own hair after?

▼ Mr. Sato: “Please make me look like him.”

▼ God Hand: “Who? I just see the news. Wait, you don’t mean…”

▼ God Hand: “B-Biden!!”

▼ God Hand: “Sigh, if you insist.”
Mr. Sato: “Attaboy!”

Although Mr. Sato came in with a rather un-Biden-like undercut, the length didn’t really need to be adjusted so much. It was the whitening that would take the bulk of the time and effort. So after a quick trim, God Hand’s team went in hard with the bleach.

After letting it sit for 10 minutes, the bleach was rinsed out of Mr. Sato’s hair and the results were checked. He hoped it would only require one coat, because it sort of irritated his scalp.

However, when the rinse was complete. Mr. Sato’s hair was left a bright orange. After four years, Donald Sato had returned!

It’s just like President Trump not to let his rival get too much of the spotlight and come barging into the middle of a makeover.

▼ Mr. Sato: “This salon is rigged!”

It was going to take more bleach to get Mr. Sato into Biden country. However, he didn’t think he could endure a third treatment, so if this second bleaching still left him orange, he’d just have to settle for another Trump style.

Once again, the choice between Trump and Biden balanced on a knife’s edge.

As the second rinse commended, Mr. Sato hoped he could finally get the old man hair he wanted. It was strange though, because he is a 46-year-old man trying to look like a 77-year-old, but so far he kind of looks younger… 36 at least.

When it was over, God Hand put the finishing touches on Mr. Sato’s hair. However, because he wasn’t wearing his glasses, our reporter couldn’t quite see how it looked.

▼ God Hand: “Let’s see how we did. Oh my god.”
Mr. Sato: “Glasses.”

▼ God Hand: “…”
Mr. Sato: “GLASSES!!!”

God Hand nervously handed our reporter his glasses and their 10-year relationship suddenly flashed in front of his eyes. Had he gone too far this time?

▼ Past God Hand makeovers of Mr. Sato include: David Bowie (top left), Kyosuke Himuro (top right), Mandy Sekiguchi (bottom left), and Hyde (bottom right)

▼ God Hand: “You understand that the pigments were completely severed, Mr. Sato…”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Heh heh heh…”

▼ God Hand: “You see what I had to work with here…”
Mr. Sato: “HAHAHAHAHA!!!”

It worked.

Mr. Sato was now Joe Biden, or at least the closet possible approximation of Joe Biden he could conceivably pull off.

▼ God Hand: “I’m sure that with the proper…”
Mr. Sato: “Listen here Jack, this is your finest hairstyle yet. You really know your onions, man, so let’s head to the register and I’ll make with the happy cabbage.”

Now bearing the likeness of Joe Biden, Mr. Sato could already feel his empathy level rise. Given our writer’s base-level empathy, however, it still wasn’t a huge improvement.

▼ Mr. Sato: “C’mon man, you’re full of s$%t.”

All that was needed was the blue campaign placard, which God Hand provided.

▼ Mr. Sato: “The numbers tell a clear story. We are going to win the rare toy in the McDonald’s happy meal.”

And so, Mr. Sato kissed God Hand tenderly on the neck and left the salon to the nearest McDonald’s. Perhaps a more American scene couldn’t be made than Joe Biden in front of a McDonald’s.

Next, Mr. Sato did a little sightseeing around Tokyo as Mr. Biden might on his first state visit. First, he stopped by Tokyo Tower.

Of course, he brought his placard along in the slim chance that passers-by wouldn’t realize who he was.

After that, he decided to go play in traffic for a bit.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Hey! Jeepers creepers, man! Would this wisenheimer kill his headlights for crissakes. Yeah man, keep blinkin’.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “But while I’m here, say Jack, can I count on your vote this November? The guy I’m runnin’ against is full of applesauce and hung up on the size of his meathooks.”

We’re still not sure who is going to come out ahead in this political contest, but one thing is for certain. Mr. Sato will be able to morph into the next president of the United States no matter who it is.

I hope everyone who didn’t vote for Hilary last time is now realizing what they missed out on.

Related: SHEA.aoyama
Photos: ©SoraNews24
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