All hope looked lost, until Mr. Sato came up with a plan.

Our Japanese-language reporter Ahiru Neko had a dream. That dream was to write an article of pure whimsy and joy.

No, he doesn’t regret the articles he’s written about spending all afternoon trying to get pooped on by a pigeon or test-peeing into seven different types of baby diapers. Still, he couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to write about something fun and not bodily waste-related.

This longing was in the back of his head when he stumbled across a YouTube video of a man in Florida using a gas-powered leaf blower and an umbrella to create a sort of crude, crazy go-kart, and Ahiru Neko decided that he wanted to do the same.

Taking advantage of our boss Yoshio’s lax protocols for expense account applications, Ahiru Neko was able to obtain leaf blower, umbrella, and wheeled mop bucket. Yoshio did, however, want to see what exactly all of this was going to be used for, and came out for the kart’s test run.

“Hey, are you sure this thing’s gonna have enough power to move the bucket?” Yoshio asked, and in response Ahiru Neko demonstrated his faith in the blower’s velocity by blasting our boss in the face with it.

For our test track, we spoke with the owners of a parking lot and got their OK. We are, after all, merely morons, not hooligans.

There wasn’t any actual construction involved, since none of the components of Ahiru Neko’s go-kart are physically attached to each other. He was pretty happy to discover that he could use a small external tray at the mop bucket’s rear like a cup holder, which is always a nice amenity to have on a vehicle you’re taking out for a Sunday drive.

Holding the blower in his right hand and the open umbrella in his left, Ahiru Neko plopped himself into the literal bucket seat. Holding the umbrella out directly in front of him like a sail, he cradled the blower between his thighs and chest, switched it on…

…and didn’t go anywhere at all.

Despite the sunny, cloudless sky, a dark mood descended on the parking lot. Had the YouTube video Ahiru Neko had watched all been a scam, preying on his childlike sense of wonder? Even worse, Ahiru Neko had spent over 20,000 yen (US$155) of Yoshio’s money on this project, and there he was, sitting in a bucket in front of our boss with the blower producing a whole lot of noise but absolutely zero momentum. Given Yoshio’s unpredictable reactions to what he deems an irresponsible use of economic assets, did Ahiru Neko’s failed experiment mean he was doomed to go back to focusing on less costly, more reliable poo and pee-based journalism?

But they say crazy God never closes a crazy door without opening a crazy window, and who came flying through that window than SoraNews24’s resident crazy angel, Mr. Sato!

“Hey, Yoshio, look over there!” Mr. Sato shouted while bursting onto the scene and pointing off towards the horizon. With our boss thus distracted, Mr. Sato bounded over to Ahiru Neko and presented his fellow reporter with the solution to his problem: a motorized skateboard.

▼ Yes, of course Mr. Sato keeps a motorized skateboard on him at all times.

“Huh? I don’t see anything over there,” said Yoshio, but Mr. Sato kept up the ruse. “No, look WAY over there! Isn’t that one of those Putin voodoo dolls that have been appearing in Japan?” he said, and while Yoshio’s gaze was still averted, he and Ahiru Neko surreptitiously slid the skateboard underneath the mop bucket.

Eventually Yoshio turned back to Ahiru Neko’s go-kart, but by this time the upgrade was complete. “Let’s try it one more time!” Mr. Sato enthusiastically suggested.

He then took a few steps back, and with precise timing switched on the skateboard’s motor at the exact same time Ahiru Neko fired up the blower…

…and he was off!

Steering was a little tricky, as leaning too far to either side put Ahiru Neko in danger of toppling over, and maintaining balance was difficult while holding the umbrella and blower, which we’re not entirely sure was making much difference in the kart’s movement since it was being powered by the skateboard underneath.

But at those moments when Ahiru Neko was staying upright and traveling in a straight line, he truly felt like he’d become one with the wind.

So remember, never give up on your dreams! Even when the whole world feels like it’s against you, Mr. Sato will still be on your side, just so long as he happens to be in the general vicinity.

Images © SoraNews24
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