On the surface, a lot of guys don’t seem to put much effort into their appearance. This is often mistaken for sheer laziness or apathy, but in these cash strapped times, many men simply lack the funds to look as stylish as they want to.

One such man is Omocoro’s Yoppi, or as he’s known to the rest of the world, “that Japanese guy who was caught looking at cartoon porn on the train.” Struggling on a blogger’s budget he resorts to bland colors and patternless pants. That is until one fateful day when he heard of a contest in the fashionably elite area of Shibuya which promised to make his dreams of looking good come true.

Here is his story.

 

Yoppi: Hi. I’m Yoppi. This is how I usually dress. I used to believe that shopping at Uniqlo was supporting the nation. To do otherwise was like an act of treason. Really though, I was just deluding myself. It was my defense mechanism against comments like these I get on Twitter.

“Yoppi’s wearing the same clothes… again.”
“I thought I saw Yoppi on the train. But it was just someone else in that ugly down jacket.”
“Forever parka.”

The fact is, if Yoppi had tens of thousands of yen to throw around on clothes, he’d be out there in hot pink jeans and a feather boa, just like all of the other hip guys. He thought he was trapped in this cycle of tacky poverty until he came across an advertisement online.

“Shibuya Fashion Festival (Shibufes 5)”

“Uncool people only – Get 100,000 yen (US$977) fashion allowance – Only 10 people are chosen”

Yoppi: That’s it!


Yoppi decided to make use of the vast social network he had built up over the years and campaign to win this contest. First, he posted himself on their website where people could vote if he was stylish or lame. Those who got the most lame votes were likely to be chosen.

“Everyone! Please call me uncool! If I win I get 100,000 yen to buy new clothes!!”
https://twitter.com/yoppymodel/statuses/443987413224800256

 The response was good. After several tweets begging for votes he got a hearty 1,029 ballots calling his sense of fashion terrible. He usually got that anyway, but it was really satisfying to be able to put this criticism to good use.

However, many people had applied for this contest. It was later discovered that there were 1,500 entrants of which only 10 would be selected. Yoppi had done all that he could. He would just have to wait.

About a week later an email came.
.

“I won!! I was voted uncool!!! Yeah!!!!! 100,000 yen special allowance!!!! I’m an official lame guy in the Shibuya Festival!!!!! Booya!!!!!”
https://twitter.com/yoppymodel/statuses/446937993060708352

The official email indeed informed Yoppi that he was one of the few, the proud, the uncouth.

He sat there praising god and dreaming of the brighter future that this money would bestow upon him. Then a cold realization crept into his mind. Several days ago during his furious campaigning, Yoppi had made a promise to his fans.

“I’m deadly serious. I will buy the worst possible clothes with this 100,000 yen prize money.”
https://twitter.com/yoppymodel/statuses/443988159785758720

Yoppi logged back into his account and started pleading with his followers to let him buy something nice. Tweet after tweet begged them to let him renege, saying that he would never see money like this again in his life. Still, his Twitter followers remained silent as if in judgment of his backpedaling.

“Okay, about the whole prize money thing. If you think it’s okay for me to be happy and buy what I want click “Favorite.” If you think I should stick to my word and buy the ugliest clothes, click “Retweet.”
https://twitter.com/yoppymodel/statuses/446945499329724416

It wasn’t a close race.

And so Yoppi was off to claim his prize and spend it on the worst clothes he could find at Shibufes.

The day had come. Omocoro Editor-In-Chief Harajuku came along to photograph the event.

 So, why do I have to be dressed like this?
.
.
.

Because you are getting money for being uncool. It would be rude for you not to look the part.
.
.

 Right, but is all this necessary? Do you think the others will be dressed like this?
.
.

Yeah probably… Look, they took a lot of time and effort to select the people with the worst taste. I think we should show our appreciation.
.
.

 Show… our appreciation…
.
.
.

Yoppi: What is this anyway?

You look like a body builder who’s still in elementary school… It’s perfect.
.
.
.

With that, Yoppi walked down some of the trendiest streets in Japan on the way to the award ceremony venue. He could feel the stares of passersby with every step he took. Finally he made it and met with the other “unfashionable people.”

“Shibufes opens. This is the line-up for the fashion allowance. These four were chosen from a group of 1,500 lame-os.”

By the way, this Tweet was put out by Fashionsnap.com, Japan’s biggest fashion-oriented Twitter account with around 300,000 followers. Naturally many of them had comments about this. Here are some.

“They all look normal other than that guy with the hot pants.”
“They don’t look stupid, except the guy on the right.”
“I think only that guy on the right should get the prize.”
“I only acknowledge the man on the far right.”
“He looks like he’s from another dimension.”
“I think a giant elementary student got lost.”

After taking the group photos, Yoppi met with a Shibufes mascot.

Then he was interviewed by the media.

Interviewer: So who’s your favorite designer?

Yoppi: Issey Miyake… probably.

Yoppi had heard that name somewhere before and was happy there was no follow up questions. When the media frenzy died down it was time to claim the prize.

The fashion allowance was given in pretty pink coins each worth 5,000 yen ($49). Yoppi was handed 20 coins and so had 100,000 yen which could be redeemed at any of the 200 shops participating in Shibufes. Of course for Yoppi, this would mean hauling his butt from shop to shop looking for the worst clothes imaginable.

When he was given his prize, the organizers had said that it was to give him “a chance at a beautiful and stylish new beginning.” Knowing his true intentions, Yoppi felt guilty. These nice people are giving him money to help him improve himself and he was going to throw it all away on purpose.

He thought about going back on his word and buying some cool clothes instead. However, he could hear the crowds on Twitter chanting “Buy ugly clothes!” over and over again. “Screw them,” he thought and went in search of something nice to buy anyway.

The first shop he went to had an older salesman with a perm who told Yoppi that the jacket he tried on went especially well with a man-purse. However, as he felt the warm fabric beautifully sewn and smooth against his skin while standing next to his server’s curly hair glistening in the fluorescent lighting with upbeat techno music playing in the background, Yoppi felt cold inside.

No. This leopard necklace was more what he was looking for.

And then there were these big red shoes. “These are really cool,” Yoppi told himself “and they’re only 12,800 yen ($125)”

He also bought a wristband with big metal spikes coming out of it. “Well, you can never be too ready for nuclear Armageddon,” he thought eying the 12,800 yen ($125) price tag on it as well.

Luckily both items were ten percent off which meant that together it came to an even 25,000 yen ($272). It was just perfect for five of Yoppi’s pink coins as the stores would not give change. Then he found a bomber jacket for only 10,000 yen ($98). They were a hot item this year.

“Shibufest: Shibuya fashion winner (limited to ugly guys), Mr. Yoppi got an MA-1. He is currently searching for bottoms.”

This tweet was from another prominent Japanese account with 50,000 followers. Bit by bit Yoppi was becoming something of an internet fashion plate. At this point his short shorts were making his legs chilly, so he bought some pink tights for 5,000 yen ($49).

All that was left to get to complete the look were a hat and a shirt to go under his jacket. At the thought of this Yoppi couldn’t help but grin slightly. Unbeknownst to anyone else, he had secretly planned to squirrel away some extra pink coins to buy something nice. He figured he would probably only have to spend another 20,000 yen ($195) for the remaining two items leaving him with 40,000 yen ($390) to do whatever he wanted with.

Suddenly he heard a voice call out, “Oh!!! It’s the 100,000 yen winner! COOL!” It was TV personality Yuri Nakagawa who’s known for her ultra-trendy clothes.

“Look at you!” she exclaimed, “Those shoes are SUPER-CUTE!”

She was talking in a really fast manner that Yoppi had trouble following, but she was very excited. To pass the time he hummed a song he heard earlier that morning. Then, Yuri took him to a store she thought would be perfect for him to get something cool.

It was called Candy and Yoppi was told that Lady Gaga shops here when visiting Japan. Inside he saw a semi-translucent sailor shirt that might do for his ensemble.

But then, Harajuku spotted something extra special on the second floor in a shop called Sister.

 Oh? What do we have here.
.
.
.

Staff: That? That’s a mask that was worn by Bjork.

Bjork? You mean the singer?
.
.
.

 That’s um… What’s the point of that?
.
.
.

Let’s buy it! How much?
.
.
.

 Stop! I don’t wanna buy that!
.
.
.

Staff: Um, it’s 330,000 yen ($3,223)

 …
.
.
.

…
.
.
.

 Maybe there’s something a little more affordable… Oh! Here we go!
.
.
.

Harajuku: Oh my god! Isn’t this the best thing you have ever seen?!

Yoppi: What is it.

Here! Jus’ try it on for a sec.
.
.
.

 Whaaaaa! The hair is coming from little troll dolls! That’s so freakin’ cute I’m gonna explode! BUY!
.
.

 Wait a minute. How much is it?
.
.
.

It says 55,000 yen ($538). Perfect! You can buy it with the 60,000 you have left!
.
.
.

Yoppi: You sure there isn’t an extra digit on that tag or something? If it’s 55,000 yen I’ll have almost nothing left.

 Exactly! With the remaining 5,000 yen you can buy the undershirt and you will have spent the entire 100,000!
.
.

Yoppi: Arrrgh!!! This sucks!!!!!! I wanted to have 40,000 yen left over!!!!!!!!!

 Relax. Oh check it out. The shop lady said this was once worn by the model Kiko Mizuhara!
.
.

Yoppi: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IWANTTODIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 It’s settled then. We’ll take this please!
.
.
.

Staff: Okay, that comes to 57,750 yen ($564) with tax.

 Whoops, forgot about the sales tax. Guess there’s not enough left for the undershirt now, huh bud?
.
.

Yoppi: …

And so, with no money for the undershirt, Yoppi’s look was complete whether he liked it or not.

Strangely though, as he walked along the festival streets he was constantly being asked to have his photo taken. Could it be that he had become something of a fashion celebrity here?

“On the 22nd Shibufes 5 was held. We posted additional information such as what the four “uncool” people bought with their 100,000 yen.”

Indeed, there was Yoppi with all of his purchases on the Fashionsnap website.

“Mr. Yoppi (33, unemployed)
Blouson (Haruno), Bracelet, Hairband (Sister), Shoes (Nude Trump), Tights (Parco)”

“[NEWS] At Shibufes is Mr. Yoppi who got 100,000 yen in pink coins for a contest limited to ugly people. Here is Yoppi’s transformation after shopping.”

Yoppi had appeared in various tweets for the festival.

When Yoppi returned to the starting point to report his purchases he bumped into the president of a famous hat shop in Shibuya called CA4LA (Cashila). President Yoshizawa was impeccably dressed as a man of his stature should be. Unfortunately, no cameras were permitted in the area so here is an artist’s recreation.

After being called “Number one!” by a titan of the fashion industry, somehow Yoppi’s sense of self-worth had filled right up to his troll dolls. He had come into this reluctantly trying to look horrible but in the end was a straight up trendsetter.

So for all you wannabes out there who think you’re all that and a bag of chips when it comes to style, look out! Yoppi’s waiting for you.

And for anyone interested in buying a hairband for 30,000 yen ($293), he’s waiting for you too…

Source: Omocoro
Title Images: Wikipedia – Simon Ackerman