71-year-old taxi driver’s nose was assaulted in multiple ways.

Being ready to stick up for someone else is one of the surest signs of friendship. No one is perfect, and knowing that there’s someone who’ll still be on your side even after you make an honest mistake, perhaps even an embarrassing one, is the sort of bond that we should all be so lucky to have.

Unfortunately, that loyalty turned violent in the Hyogo Prefecture town of Miki, Kobe’s neighbor to the northwest. Last Saturday night, two elderly men who had been drinking in a neighborhood pub waved down a cab in order to get a ride home. However, when the two men piled into the car, the driver noticed the intense smell of feces, as one of the men had soiled myself prior to entering the car.

▼ Always remember to buckle up after getting into a car, and also to wipe your butt at some point before.

The driver began to protest, not wanting to give the pair a ride while one of the would-be-passengers had poo seeping into, and possibly through, his pants. However, this rejection sent the other would-be-passenger, a 64-year-old construction company employee, into a rage. Though he himself hadn’t lost control of his bowels (and so theoretically could have made use of the taxi if he’d been willing to ride solo), he began punching the 71-year-old driver in the face, striking him repeatedly and bloodying his nose.

The pair then made their escape by exiting the cab and scurrying off into the streets of Miki’s Midorigaoka neighborhood. However, the police were able to determine the identity of the attacker and have since placed him under arrest.

Investigators have not specified how they tracked the assailant down (we like to imagine they used a special magnifying glass to follow a trail of poo drippings), but the Hyogo Prefectural Police have announced that the suspect has admitted to assaulting the taxi driver. Meanwhile, no charges have been brought against the man who pooped himself, whose actions are far less cause for shame than those of his violent drinking buddy’s, and we’re all reminded that poo is generally something best reserved for stationary bathrooms.

Source: Kobe Shimbun Next via Niconico News via Jin
Top image: Pakutaso
Insert images: Pakutaso