Who’s man enough to fight with Seiji?

Like all highly educated individuals who are well-versed in the classics, our Japanese-language reporter Seiji Nakazawa spends a lot of time thinking about Street Fighter. Capcom’s genre-defining fighting game offers a wealth of aspects worthy of scholarly attention, and recently Seiji found himself musing over the character Guile’s crouching block.

It’s such a unique and cool pose! Even as he’s defending himself, Guile’s taught muscles are coiled and ready to spring into offensive action as soon as his opponent’s punch or kick bounces off.

But as iconic as Guile’s crouching block is, Seiji couldn’t help but wonder if it would actually work here in the real world. Clearly this is the sort of knowledge we, as a society, need to look into, so that’s what Seiji decided to do, and the first step of his investigation was obvious.

With his cosplay sorted in about as much time as it takes to charge up a flash kick, Seiji was ready to be on the receiving end of some striking attacks to see how effective Guile’s crouching guard really is.

Now all he needed was someone to punch him, so he enlisted the help of fellow SoraNews24 reporter Ahiruneko.

Ahiruneko had spent the morning working on his own non-crazy assignments, so Seiji figured he should start by briefing him on just what they’d be doing in this experiment. “Hey, Ahiruneko, sorry to pull you away from whatever you’re working on, but I need a hand,” Seiji began. “See, I’m thinking of testing whether Guile’s crouching block is effective, so I was wondering if maybe I could have you hit m-“

▼ “Sure, Seiji, no problem.”

Seiji appreciated his coworker’s enthusiasm, but was less appreciative of being interrupted, especially by a fist to the face. “No, no, I need you to hit me while I’m doing Guile’s crouching block,” he explained, speaking as quickly as he could so he wouldn’t get sucker-punched again.

“OK, now I’m ready. Come on, attack me!”

▼ “Sure, no problem.”

Ugh, this wasn’t what Seiji wanted either. Ahiruneko had swung his foot in a sweeping motion, completely bypassing Seiji’s raised arm and hitting him in the stomach. “No, no, you’re supposed to attack me straight on, like they do in Street Fighter. Attacks that come in from the sides like that are more of a Fatal Fury thing,” Seiji explained.

“Now come on, get serious. Come at me from the front this time.”

▼ “Sure, no problem.”

Seiji felt like this, too, was a little different from what he’d requested. Sure, the attack didn’t come from the side, but it came up from below, so you could still argue that it’s a sweeping motion, in a way. He wasn’t 100-percent sure, maybe because the repeated blows to the head were affecting his ability to think straight, but he figured he should give Guile’s guard one last try, giving Ahiruneko even more information about what sort of strikes were permissible.

“Look, just a straight attack this time. No sweeping in from the side, coming up from below, or down from above. Just a straight-on, straight angle attack, OK?”

▼ “Sure, no problem.”

So remember kids, Guile’s crouching block may look cool within the Street Fighter games, but here in our world, it’s probably not the best idea, just like his hairstyle.

Hopefully Seiji still remembers this hard-earned wisdom when he regains consciousness, because you never know when hand-to-hand combat is going to suddenly erupt within the SoraNews24 office.

Photos ©SoraNews24
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