Like the worst maid cafe you’ve ever been to, where diners are told to eat their food like pigs.

Japan is famous for its weird and whacky themed cafes and restaurants, but right now there’s a limited-time pop-up that’s so unusual it’s gone viral on social media worldwide. Known as “The Abuse Cafe” in English-speaking circles, the full Japanese name is “Bato Cafe Omokenashi“, with “bato” meaning “abuse” and “omokenashi” being a play on the word “omotenashi” (“hospitality”).

Only open for ten days, the cafe is nearing the end of its run in Shibuya, so we sent P.K. Sanjun, our thickest-skinned reporter, down to the cafe for an hour of abuse by rude waitresses.

The cafe is the birth-child of TV producer Nobuyuki Sakuma’s YouTube channel “Nobrock TV“, and is inspired by its popular “Abuse Series”, where women insult guests and force them into eating foods they might not want to.

With 2.24 million subscribers as of this writing, Nobrock TV has a lot of fans, and many of them are particularly enamoured by Mirichamu, a young woman who doles out the abuse in the series.

▼ Mirichamu

The cafe is in hot demand so reservations are recommended, because although you can line up for a seat if there are spots available, you won’t be able to enter if there are no free slots. P.K. made his reservation online and when he arrived, a sour-faced waitress unwillingly guided him to a table, where he barely had a chance to sit down before she gruffly said:

▼ “Whatcha gonna order? Order quickly, pig.”

He had now entered a world where the waitresses were goddesses and customers were pigs. Feeling under pressure to be a good pig, P.K. hastily looked at the menu and ordered one of the mandatory courses, the Pig Fat Course, for 3,590 yen (US$25.38). This seemed to amuse his waitress, who laughed at him condescendingly.

▼ “So you’re feeding on your own kind, are you?”

P.K. couldn’t help but smile at the creative insult, and after this abusive appetiser, he was treated to even more mud-slinging while he waited for his food to arrive. Passing waitresses threw slander at him as if they were throwing salt on a roasting pig, saying things like: “What’s up with that hairstyle? You think it’s cool or something?” and “What kind of T-shirt is that? That’s so lame.”

▼ P.K., smiling through the personal attacks on his appearance.

Customers, or “pigs”, who want even more persecution can pre-order a “nickname” for an additional charge of 1,100 yen. P.K. had gone for this option, and the waitresses didn’t disappoint, scrawling his derogatory moniker on a piece of paper and slapping it to his forehead.

▼ “A samurai who longs for a niboshi-style ramen shop“.

The ramen-loving moniker was slightly puzzling, but P.K. figured it might have something to do with the fact that niboshi ramen, or dried sardine broth ramen, has little depth to it, and well, it’s kinda fishy. Either way, he was more surprised at being promoted from pig to samurai, but the waitress quickly put him in his place, saying: “Don’t get cocky, that’s the kinda thing that makes you a pig.”

As he braced himself for more insults, his fatty pork arrived, and it was actually an impressive serving of Kakuni-don, a rice bowl topped with a saucy and succulent Japanese Braised Pork Belly.

▼ Created under the supervision of Shuhei Sawada, the executive chef of a one-Michelin-starred restaurant, this was a delicious meal for such an abusive restaurant.

After a moment of quiet bliss, it was back to the insults, with the waitress barking at him:

▼ “You’re not gonna eat that with chopsticks, are ya? ‘Cos you’re a pig.“

“Huh?” Was all P.K. could think as he stared at the massive meal in front of him, wondering how he might eat it without the help of chopsticks. For a split second, all the joy and colour seemed to be sucked out of the meal, but then he remembered that this was what’d he’d signed up for, so he did what he had to do.

▼ “Oink oink!”

She did have a point, after all — no pig would be able to eat with chopsticks, so P.K. buried his face in the pork, and as he bit into the succulent meat of his porcine brethren, he felt as if he was playing out the scene in Studio Ghibli’s Spirited Away, where Chihiro’s parents turn into pigs as they devour a mysterious meal.

Fearing he might actually turn into a pig, his thoughts were thankfully interrupted by the waitress, who disparaged him by saying, “How gross, eat it with chopsticks.”

It was hard to keep up with the barrage of instructions and insults, but he managed to switch to chopsticks and escape the ire of the waitresses until after he finished his meal. He also received a mysterious “Pitch-Black Juice” and a “Performance-Enhancing Stimulant Drink” that weren’t delicious by any stretch of the imagination, but he didn’t dare complain.

▼ Pigs simply consume what’s given to them.

The roster of waitresses changes depending on when you visit, as do the “guest managers”, and when P.K. visited, he was lucky enough to be there at a time when Mirichamu was standing in as guest manager. She appeared around halfway through his one-hour visit, dutifully insulting every single customer in the cafe, and when she got to P.K., she snarled, “What do you want?”

P.K.’s eyes lit up in delight, and he said the one thing which, in hindsight, she probably hears from men like him every day: “Please insult me!”

▼ Disgusted by his request, she rolled her eyes and said: “You can’t just give it to someone who wants it.”

Ah, that was an insult in itself, and P.K. felt a sense of quiet accomplishment in getting what he wanted. The experience wasn’t so much hurtful for P.K. as it was fun, but those who really want to take things up a notch can opt for a V.I.P. experience, which gets them a “butt bat” or a “slipper to the face“.

▼ The cafe also sells exclusive T-shirts and tote bags with “Bato” and “Bato Arigato Gozaimasu” (“Thank You for the Abuse“) printed on them.

Timid customers who prefer to bear witness to the insults rather than be on the receiving end of them can opt for a course that doesn’t include insults, but P.K. recommends choosing the regular abuse option that he experienced.

▼ As part of his hour-long barrage of abuse, P.K. was ordered to follow the waitresses on social media and share posts of them.

The Abuse Cafe will certainly test your character if you’re dining solo like P.K., and he describes it as totally out of the ordinary, even by Japanese themed cafe standards. So if you’re a pig who wants to be abused by waitresses in maid’s uniforms, get your trotters on down to the Abuse Cafe before it disappears in a puff of smoke on 23 September.

Cafe information
Bato Cafe Omokenashi / 罵倒カフェ Omokenashi（おもけなし)
Address: Tokyo-to, Shibuya-ku, Udagawa-cho 15-1, Shibuya PARCO 6F, GG Shibuya Mobile Esports Cafe & Bar
東京都渋谷区宇田川町15-1 渋谷PARCO 6F, GG Shibuya Mobile Esports Cafe & Bar
Hours: 11 a.m.-9:00 p.m. (14-23 September)
Mirichamu will be guest manager from 6:30 p.m.-9:00 p.m. on 20 September and 11:00 a.m.-4:00 p.m. on 23 September
Website

Photos © SoraNews24
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[ Read in Japanese ]