Mr. Sato visits the clear inspiration for Goro Majima’s Cabaret Grand.

Our ace reporter Mr. Sato is a hard-working guy, but on a recent business trip to Osaka, he found himself feeling a little worn out after a day spent chasing after story leads. So after eating dinner, he figured he’d earned the right to treat himself to a drink, which is how he found himself standing outside Miss Osaka, or, to use the establishment’s full name, Grand Cabaret Miss Osaka.

Let’s make a quick linguistics detour here. Japan, as you’re probably aware, has a lot of hostess bars, where hostesses sit, drink, and chat with customers at their table. In Japanese, hostess bars are commonly called “kyabakura,” which is a contraction of the Japanese pronunciation of “cabaret club.” However, much like in English, the word “cabaret” sounds old-fashioned in Japanese these days, so most modern hostess bars don’t include it in their name. Instead, you’ll usually see hostess bars using “club,” giving themselves names like “Club Dream” or “Club Starshine.”

So designating yourself not only a cabaret, but a grand cabaret, implies a certain unabashed pride to a classic kind of decadence, and the Grand Cabaret Miss Osaka definitely delivers on that, as Mr. Sato saw as he stepped into the main room.

Rather than a cramped interior with dim lighting to mask its modest dimensions, Miss Osaka is a massive, two-floored space with chandeliers brightly illuminating a full-sized stage with a grand piano on it for use in live musical performances.

Though this was Mr. Sato’s first visit to Miss Osaka, he couldn’t help feeling like he’d been here before, thanks to his experience playing Sega’s Like a Dragon/Yakuza video game series. In many of the series’ games, players can visit a hostess club called Cabaret Grand, once managed by fan favorite character Goro Majima. While Sega hasn’t officially said Cabaret Grand is modeled after the Grand Cabaret Miss Osaka, the resemblance is extremely strong, and with both the in-game and real-world hostess bars located in Osaka’s entertainment canal district, it’s pretty obvious that the Grand Cabaret Miss Osaka is the inspiration for Cabaret Grand.

Aside from drinking and chatting, another common activity at hostess bars is singing karaoke. Usually customers do this from their seats or a tiny stage with slightly more floor space than a phone booth. Not so at Miss Osaka, though, where grabbing the mike also means grabbing the spotlight…

…because you sing on the main stage!

Even the time Mr. Sato spent with his hostess was unique. First off, internally Miss Osaka doesn’t call their staff “hostesses.” Instead they’re “ladies.” Mr. Sato describes Rikako, the companion dispatched to his table, as a “veteran” of the profession, and rather than spending their time stroking Mr. Sato’s ego, she instead spoke expertly about the history of Miss Osaka, which opened in 1937, and the development and evolution of the surrounding Namba neighborhood in the 87 years since. We’re not sure if that’s indicative of service across the staff at Miss Osaka, or simply that Rikako noticed that Mr. Sato, as a happily married man, wasn’t making any flirtatious overtures and deftly pivoted towards an informative atmosphere instead of a titillating one, but in any case Mr. Sato found the conversation engaging and entertaining.

By the way, we should mention that Miss Osaka doesn’t ordinarily allow photography, and has multiple written notices posted to that effect. They made an exception for Mr. Sato (a staff member even took the photos of him) because of his journalist credentials, but even if you can’t snap any pictures of your own, the cabaret’s old school opulence is something you’ll never forget.

Cabaret information
Grand Cabaret Miss Osaka / グランドキャバレー ミス大阪
Address: Osaka-ku, Osaka-shi, Chuo-ku, Sennichime 2-7-16
Open 5 p.m.-11 p.m.
Website

Photos ©SoraNews24
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