The opinions expressed in this lucky bag are the store’s personal views and don’t reflect those of our organization.

Well, it’s certainly been an excruciatingly long New Year season around our offices, as our writers P.K. Sanjun and Ahiruneko were sent seven fukubukuro lucky bags from the novelty goods chain Village Vanguard. Although there were some highlights, they were largely outweighed by some soul-crushing items to receive.

There are only two bags left, however, so the end of this long, dark tunnel filled with hot sandwich makers and calculators is drawing near. This time, Ahiruneko is set to open the Yellow Lucky Bag that sells for 3,850 yen (US$24). After being pleasantly surprised by the Gold bag, he was utterly filled with despair by the sheer uselessness of the Purple bag.

Will this bag break the deadlock? Let’s FAFO…

The image of a man with his pants around his ankles certainly didn’t bode well for this haul, but the true standout item had to be the cushion. At first, Ahiruneko thought it was shaped like a Heineken bottle cap, but upon closer inspection, it was just full of misspelled nonsense. It also appeared a little worn and dirty, as if it were snatched from someone’s basement rather than an actual retail item.

Then there was a popcorn box that’s meant to hold… popcorn? There was no label or explanation with it, so our writer had no idea what to do with it.

And there was a notepad with the design of a $1,000,000 bill on the front, which is legal tender in the United States of Party.

This was followed by a bottle opener shaped like a slice of pizza. Finally, an end to the tyranny of bottle openers shaped like bottle openers.

Ahiruneko also got some bag clips shaped like French fries. This was actually a cute idea in concept, but the clips seemed too short to fit across most bags.

However, what really sent the Yellow Lucky Bag into the depths of despair was the toilet putting green, which allows you to get in a quick nine while on the crapper.

Nothing about it looks regulation, and there isn’t really much challenge in attempting a 12-inch putt on flat ground. If this is something you feel the need to practice on a regular basis, then golf might not be the game for you.

But there was a much bigger concern about this for Ahiruneko. A lot of Village Vanguard lucky bags tend to have a theme, like everything in the Purple Lucky Bag being large or everything in the Blue Lucky Bag being related to games. It would seem the theme of the Yellow Lucky Bag was the United States of America, with its fast food, currency, and beer. These seemed to be things that exemplified American culture, and, according to Village Vanguard, that culture also includes playing with your balls while dropping a deuce.

Japan is already in Dutch with China these days, and making an enemy of the States by implying they’re a bunch of imported-beer-drinking toilet golfers certainly won’t help. He could just imagine the president seeing this on social media while putting around on the toilet, wigging out, and raising tariffs on our country by a gajillion percent.

▼ Luck Bag Verdict: Undiplomatically Bad

But on the bright side, this was Ahiruneko’s last Village Vanguard bag of the year, so he breathed a sigh of relief. Only one remains for P.K. to open. Will the novelty goods dealer maintain its trend of unhappy New Years, or does a surprise await?

Photos ©SoraNews24
Bag design ©Chocolate
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