Hyper Cool Biz 2013 Line Announced: Fundoshi and Parasols Hot This Year for the Trendy Businessman

With the few days of comfortable weather known as spring in Japan slipping away it’s time to brace ourselves for the muggy scorching heat of summer. This of course means it’s Hyper-Gentleman’s Cool Biz time again!

While 2012 was the year of the electric-lime mankini, this year’s fashions are going retro with a boldly traditional Japanese loincloth, the fundoshi, balanced by an elegant yet sporty parasol.

So join us, as we examine this year’s choice in summer formal attire along with our model, the devilishly handsome Mr. Sato.

For those new to the concept, Japan started the “Cool Biz” environmental campaign in 2005 urging companies to lower their air conditioning usage by allowing male workers to forgo their ties and jackets.

This begat the “Super Cool Biz” campaign where companies would turn off the air conditioning all together opting instead to have their workers wear tasteful yet causal short sleeved clothing following the energy shortage caused by the 2011 Tohoku Earthquake.

Then in 2012, RocketNews24 in an effort to save as much money as possible (something to do with the environment too, we think) had developed a line of professional attire that allows for maximum cooling while maintaining the dignified air that a businessman should always have.

Although the mankinis were a huge success, they got pretty grimy pretty quick. So we went in search of the perfect ensemble combining sophistication with heat resistance in perfect symmetry.

The fundoshi is the traditional underwear used by warriors in Japan. It’s a single piece of cloth which wraps around the undercarriage and often ties up on the sides. We feel that this is the perfect choice for the environmentally concerned business man in 2013.

There is no better way to ensure a productive morning of work that to have your employees gird up their loins. It triggers a deeply-rooted warrior spirit in males when preparing for battle either on the shores of Kawanakajima or in the boardroom.

As an added bonus, the fundoshi is completely adjustable in tightness and how it fits one’s form. This provides a level of breathability unparalleled by store-bought underwear which can bunch up or squeeze the lower regions in unnatural ways.

A fundoshi alone has many benefits in terms of work productivity and overall coolness, but many come off as too intensely manly for those around. So, to put the “Gentleman” back in “Hyper-Gentleman Cool Biz” we have chosen a classy parasol to soften the impact of the loincloth.

While maintaining the raw power of the fundoshi at the core, coworkers and clients are immediately disarmed by the sparkly handle and purple polka-dot trim of your sun shield.

Yes, this is certainly shaping up to be a stylish year for Hyper Cool Biz Gentlemen everywhere. But there’s one more thing to elevate energy conservation to unheard of levels.

What better way to save on electricity costs than moving your entire operation to the beach? Everyone loves going to the beach with the comfort of the ocean breeze and great working light all provided free by nature.

This aspect of Hyper Cool Biz is still in its trial stages though. We sent out Mr. Sato alone to do all his work at the beach this summer observing how efficiently he performs. So far he says he seems to be enjoying it. The bathroom’s always right next to him and he’s already generated a 172 yen (US$1.68) profit for the company with his metal detector.

Keep up the good work, Hyper Cool Biz Gentleman!

Model: Stardust Sato
Photos: RocketNews24
Funodshi Drawing: Wikipedia – Hayakawa Kyuukei
Parasol Image: Amazon
Beach Image: Wikipedia – David Adam Kess

A Hyper Cool Biz Gentleman Meeting

▼ “Good Morning. Thank you for coming. Please, pull up a piece of sand.”

▼ “I’ve gone through the numbers on the Davidson account several times and I keep getting the same thing.”

▼ “In this economic climate it’s simply irresponsible for the company to continue running at its current output.”

▼ “I suggest they look into outsourcing the bulk of their human resources and mothball at least two… no, three of their plants.”

▼ “In the meantime I’ll be looking for ways to divest them from their subsidiaries and curtail this financial hemorrhaging. Report back when you know more. I’ll be over by the sand castles.”

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