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Welcome to the weekend, boys and girls! Feels good to be here, doesn’t it? But before you run off startling donkeys and eating moon pies, we have to check that you’ve been paying attention and swatting up on our weird and wonderful news from Japan and Asia.

Suspicious dogs, kindly couples, adultery and the afterlife all feature in this week’s multiple choice quiz based on our favourite bits from the last seven days’ stories. So click the link and let’s find out just how much you went outside this week.

Don’t forget to highlight the space between the square brackets [Hello!] after the word “Answer:” or click the “More info” link to check your answers, Rocketeers. No cheating, now!

Okay, let’s get cracking!

  • Question 1.

Which of the following garbled English translations did not appear on a menu photographed in China this week?

A: “The tortoise cook the pork.”
B: “The stupid pork noodles cook the cabbage.”
C: “The selfish chicken flamed the sauce.”
D: “The self-restraint does the intestines.”

Answer: [ C ] More info

  • Question 2. 

Screen Shot 2014-01-07 at 10.01.21 AM

World-famous director Michael Bay arguably provided the most awkward moment of CES 2014 in Las Vegas this week by suddenly walking off stage. What did he claim was messing up his mojo during his presentation of Samsung’s new TV sets?

A: He said the stage lights were too bright.
B: He constantly had to fight the urge to burst into song.
C: He said that the teleprompter was out of sync.
D: He said a dog in the third row was looking at him funny.

Answer: [ C   ] More info

  • Question 3. 

According to urban legend, there’s more to Studio Ghibli’s Spirited Away than meets the eye. What does popular internet rumour suggest is really going on?

A: The movie is actually a subtle satire, poking fun at the Japanese government.
B: The movie is actually set in limbo; Chihiro is earning her place in the afterlife.
C: The witch Yubaba is, in fact, Chihiro’s real mother.
D: The film is a parable about the sex trade, with bathhouse a front for a brothel.

Answer: [ More info

  • Question 4.


How could one reasonably describe Japan’s Mountain Dew flavoured corn chips?

A: Fizzy
B: Citrusy
C: Like swilling lemonade around your mouth while stuffing in Cheetos
D: All of the above

Answer: [] More info

  • Question 5.

One Chinese couple is successfully paying for their son’s university education by doing what every single day?

A: Performing original, hilarious dances live on webcam.
B: Recycling and sorting through thousands of bottles.
C: Swearing at cows to enhance their milk production.
D: Providing counselling for depressed pets.

Answer: [More info

  • Question 6. 


What did one researcher recently discover to be Japan’s most common full name?

A: Minoru Tanaka
B. Taro Sato
C: Titts McGee
D: Yumi Suzuki

Answer: [ A ] More info

  • Question 7.

What did Japan’s female “cheating experts” say is a sure-fire way to get rumbled?

A: Your husband/boyfriend discovering the toilet seat left up.
B: Letting your lovers know your address.
C: Storing photos of yourself and your other significant other on a smartphone.
D: Getting lovers’ names mixed up.

Answer:  [  ]  More info

  • Question 8. 

According to the inventor of the Natto Flavor Enhancing Machine, how many times should the stinky, fermented soybeans be stirred for maximum taste?

A. Up to 20. Any more and you’re a heathen.
B. 72
C. 424
D: Winners don’t stir natto; they “mash”.

Answer: [  C More info

  • Question 9.


Which of the following does insanely awesome upcoming Kickstarter-funded movie Kung Fury not (yet, anyway…) feature?

A. ALF (the Alien Life Form)
B. Vikings
C: Adolf Hitler as a martial arts expert
D: Dinosaurs

Answer: [More info

  • Question 10.

If there’s an afterlife, will there be ice cream?

A: Yes
B: No
C: I once sniffed a strawberry scented eraser and it got lodged up my nose.
D: 42

Answer: [  Those of you who paid attention during last week’s quiz will know that answers to the secrets of the universe are always “42”, which in this case is answer “D”. ]

So how’d you do, Rocketeer?

0-1 correct: Disappointment dog is disappointed in you.
2-4 correct: Hear that? That’s the sound of failure.
5-7 correct: You’re performance is rated “vanilla”; not bad per-se but, meh.
8-9 correct: A fine effort, soldier!
10 correct: Don’t go outside. You’re too beautiful to share with the world.

Enjoy your weekend, everyone!