Happy Fundoshi Day! May your whities be tightie in all the right places!

On this day last year, we announced that 14 February was from then to be known as Fundoshi Day. With that grand statement made we waited a whole year for all you readers to go out and by some fundoshi, old-fashioned loincloths to help us again put the “fun” in Fundoshi Day (fun-do-shi = 2-10-4 in Japanese) this year.

And let me guess, you aren’t wearing your fundoshi, are you? Sigh… Alright, we’re patient people, so let us explain again why the fundoshi is the superior choice in underwear.

■ That other holiday
Most of you are probably still hung up on that other holiday people celebrate today. Come on! The angst and anxiety of getting or not getting chocolate from women in a guy’s life not to mention the dreaded girichoco, which is pretty much as clear a message that a girl ain’t into you as one can get.

Surely this isn’t a treat for the ladies either having to go chocolate shopping for guys they don’t care about. And if they do care they have to shell out an inordinate amount of money for Final Fantasy chocolates, or worse wait until their period comes to make some homemade stuff.

Let’s face it. Valentine’s Day is simply obsolete in Japan. It’s as outdated as a fundoshi.

Wait, no! Not a fundoshi… something else old like um, a mimeograph.

■ What’s a fundoshi?
Perhaps this is the first time you’re hearing about a fundoshi, in which case I apologize for my sighing outburst before there.

A fundoshi is a traditional loincloth worn by warriors of days past. If you’ve ever heard the expression gird your loins, it could never be more vividly felt than by wearing an actual fundoshi.

All this talk of warriors and loins might make you think that fundoshi are only for guys. No way! Studies have suggested that women can greatly improve their circulation by wearing a fundoshi versus more popular contemporary female underwear.

■ Fundo-shy
“This does sound interesting… But aw shucks, I can’t actually go out wearing one of those things.” you might be thinking. That’s understandable as it is a major lifestyle change.

For this, we recommend the “Goodnight Fundoshi” program. Simply introduce your body to Japanese loincloths by adding them to your regular pyjama ensemble. The moment you feel that phhhhwip of the fundoshi strap hugging your groin you’ll immediately feel ready to take on the world… Or dream-world since you’re going to sleep.

You’ll also quickly notice the superior feel of a fundoshi which offers the sturdy support of a samurai with the tree-top jumping freedom of a tengu. Before you know it, you’ll be wearing one under your business suit. Soon after that, you won’t even bother with the suit. Just look at the new RocketNews24 uniform.

Chances are Fundoshi Day will have passed by the time you read this message. However, we hope you’ll take the next 300 and some odd days to track down your local fundoshi dealer and give it a try. Together, we can make a difference in underwear.

Photos: RocketNews24

▼ A typical Japanese reporter suffering from seasonal affective disorder.