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Parenting in the internet age is a whole lot more difficult than it was before our world was taken over by machines. Back then, the scariest conversation you had to have with your kids was about the birds and the bees, but now it’s the birds and the bees and the creepy old guy pretending to be a high school girl in an online chatroom.

One Japanese mom posted the conversations on Twitter that she’s recently had to have with her nine-year-old son, and they’ve been getting a lot of attention online. Read them for yourself and you’ll crack up over both how true and how hilarious they are.

Twitter user @toppinpararin recently posted the conversations she’s had with her nine-year-old son about the importance of staying safe online. Take a look for yourself to see why she’s been getting tens of thousands of retweets: (translations below the tweets)

9歳息子がパソコンを触り始めたので、ネットの怖さについて話す。
私「君に知らない女の子から写真付きメッセージが来ます。凄く可愛い女の子です」
息子「マジで」
「その子とネットで話すうち、君はどんどんその子が好きになります」
「まあ…///」
「でも正体は大抵おっさん」
「えっ」

— よく眠りたまに色々考える主婦 甘木サカヱ (@toppinpararin) May 13, 2015

‘My nine-year-old son has recently started using the computer on his own, so I’ve had to talk to him about the scary parts of the internet.
Me: “There’s an e-mail for you with a picture attached from a girl you don’t know. She’s very cute.”
Son: “Really?”
Me: “And the more you talk to her, the more you start to like her.”
Son: “Uhh….”
Me: “But actually, it turns out that ‘girls’ like that are usually creepy old dudes in real life.”
Son: “What?!”‘

The truth hurts, but it’s never too early to learn. Although when I was nine years old, girls still had cooties, so this kid must be pretty advanced. All the more reason to give him the talking-to now.

その2
私「君に、可愛い女の子からメールが来ます」
息子「またかよ」
「今度は電話で話します。声も可愛くていい子です」
「キター！！」
「その子に凄く簡単で儲かるバイトを紹介すると言われ、君は喜んで待ち合わせ場所に向かいます。するとそこには女の子は居らず、知らない男の人が」→

— よく眠りたまに色々考える主婦 甘木サカヱ (@toppinpararin) May 13, 2015

→「その男の人は、君にキャッシュカードと暗証番号が書かれたメモを渡し、ATMでお金を全部引き出してくるだけで3万円あげるよと言います」
息子「めっちゃ儲かる」
「コンビニATMでお金を下ろした君は、店を出たところで警察官に呼び止められ(中略)…君もこれで犯罪者です」
「えっえっ」

— よく眠りたまに色々考える主婦 甘木サカヱ (@toppinpararin) May 13, 2015

‘Me: “There’s an e-mail for you from a cute girl.”
Son: “Again?!”
Me: “This time you speak to her on the phone. Her voice is very cute too.”
Son: “Oh!”
Me: “She tells you she’ll show you a really easy way to make money, and tells you to wait for her somewhere. When you go, she’s not there, only a big, strange man. He gives you a debit card and pin number, and he tells you if you withdraw some money from the ATM, he’ll give you 30,000 yen (US$250).
Son: “That’s a lot.”
Me: “Yes, but after you take the money out and leave the convenience store, the police come chasing after your because now you’re a criminal.”
Son: “W-what?!”‘

At some point we all have to learn that free money usually always comes with a catch and/or an arrest.

その3
「君に可愛い女の子からLINEが」
「もう騙されねえ」
「女の子は積極的で、すぐに実際会う約束をし、待ち合わせ場所に来ました」
「本物！」
「彼女は自分の働いている画廊で絵を見ない？と誘い(中略)君には100万円の借金とゴミみたいな版画が残りました」
「もう誰も信じない」

— よく眠りたまに色々考える主婦 甘木サカヱ (@toppinpararin) May 13, 2015

‘Me: “There’s a cute girl who sent you a line message and-”
Son: “You’re not going to trick me again!”
Me: “She’s very nice and wants to meet, so you set up a meeting place and time.”
Son: “She’s the real thing!”
Me: “She asks if you want to see some pictures at the gallery she works at. She pressures you into buying things you don’t want and you end up spending one million yen ($8,370) for some junk artwork.”
Son: “I’ll never trust anyone again.”‘

“Geez mom, you just don’t get it! This used cheeseburger wrapper is supposed to represent the indifference of our capitalist society to the innocent cows and trees! It was totally worth $8,370. At least, that’s what she told me.”

→趣向を変えその4「君はネットで可愛い裸のお姉さんの写真を見かけ、ついクリックします」
「えっ…まあ…そりゃ…するよ…」
「すると画面に『契約完了。3日以内に利用料5万円を払わないと詐欺罪で逮捕されます』と出てきます。払いますか」
「それは払うよ！」
「ねえお母さん今すごく心配」

— よく眠りたまに色々考える主婦 甘木サカヱ (@toppinpararin) May 13, 2015

‘Changing the topic.
Me: “You see some pictures of hot naked girls online and click on them.”
Son: “Uh, well, I don’t know about that….”
Me: “Then suddenly a warning pops up: ‘Thank you for your purchase! If you don’t pay the 50,000 yen ($418) fee within three days, then you will be arrested.’ Do you pay?”
Son: “Well yeah! Of course!”
Me: “…we still have a long way to go.”‘

Are nine-year-olds really browsing that part of the internet? Come on kids, you’ll be spending the rest of your life there eventually; enjoy being able to happily browse other parts of the internet while you still can!

→息子「じゃあエッチなサイトは絶対に人を騙す…？」
私「絶対じゃないけど子供には見分けられないし第一君にはまだ早い」
息子「じゃあ大人になったら誰からそれを習うの？」
「大丈夫、うちにはプロがいる」
「えっ誰」
「お父さん」
「すっげえ！」
父の威厳を守るよき母だな！(自画自賛)

— よく眠りたまに色々考える主婦 甘木サカヱ (@toppinpararin) May 13, 2015

‘Son: “So do all sexy sites try to trick people like that?”
Me: “Not all of them, but it’s easy to get tricked if you don’t know what you’re doing, and you shouldn’t even be looking at them right now in the first place.”
Son: “So when I grow up I’ll learn how to do it right?”
Me: “Oh yes. We have a pro in our house who can teach you.”
Son: “What? Who?”
Me: “Your father.”
Son: “Oh wow!”‘

Well, if he’s going to be taught, it might as well be by the best.

9歳息子のネットリテラシー教育はまだ始まったばかりだぜ！！(既に疲弊)

— よく眠りたまに色々考える主婦 甘木サカヱ (@toppinpararin) May 13, 2015

‘My son’s “internet literacy” education has only just begun… and I’m already exhausted!’

Quite funny for sure, but at the same time, absolutely necessary! Some of the above may sound silly to us who have spent years or decades online, but for someone just starting out, it’s hard to tell what’s real and what isn’t.

How about you? Have you had any funny moments with your parents trying to explain the dark side of the world to you? Or if you’re a parent yourself, how have you gone about teaching your kids “internet literacy?” Let us know in the comments section below.

Source: Twitter (@toppinpararin) via My Game News Flash
Featured/top image: Wikimedia Commons (1, 2) (Edited by RocketNews24)