Maybe you’ve heard about the legendary used panty vending machines of Japan. With all the “weird Japan” news floating around out there, it’s hard to miss the exaggerated stories of hidden vending machines selling used undergarments so that shy pervs can indulge in the, erm…unique fragrance without actually having to go out and interact with a real live woman.

Of course, the used pantie vending machines are kind of a myth; sure, one or two of them exist, but it’s not like they’re on every other block like breathless news coverage suggests.

However, lonely weirdos shouldn’t give up hope just yet, because it turns out we’ve reached a technological point in time in which Japanese companies are able to recreate the fragrance of a woman’s bath towel fresh from the shower, which is maybe, we guess, the next best thing to used panties., a weird hybrid company that offers both Netflix-style streaming movies as well as shamelessly hardcore pornography on the same website, announced recently that it’s developed a number of fragrances that recreate natural smells sure to please men.

Aside from the bath towel scent, which we’ll get to in a second, the company is also offering up a fragrance that smells of freshly cut wood. Things get inexplicably weirder from there, with other fragrances including, and we quote, “coffee brewed by a bearded Texan from the 1800s,” “after-lunch dessert from Jiyugaoka,” (a Tokyo neighborhood), and, perhaps most bizarre and specific, “the scent of a woman who has stopped and turned around to respond to the calls of a young boy.”

MF 1

But the real pride of the lineup is, apparently, the “bath towel of a woman who has just dried off after a shower” – which DMM actually invited members of the press to smell in the lead-up to the product’s official roll out. At least one outlet describes the scent as “floral,” and also as evoking the temperature and humidity of a woman’s body after a shower (whatever that means).

All of these scents will apparently be available on the DMM.make SELECTION retail space of DMM’s website, although we don’t know the retail price yet and we can’t promise you your name won’t go on some kind of government watch list if you order them.

Source: Sankei Biz