Luckily, there was no Spanish announcer’s table nearby.

At about 4:50 p.m. on 23 September, a hellacious slobberknocker broke out at the entrance to an underground passage in Amagasaki City, Hyogo Prefecture. As a result, a 55-year-old man was arrested for the assault of a sixth-grader.

It all started when the boy and his friends were riding their bikes around the area. The young man was allegedly singing, “Baldies, baldies, baldies; I hate them” and just having a g…OH MAH GAWD! THAT’S THE SUSPECT’S MUSIC!!!

Under the assumption the song was directed at him, the man approached the kids and decided to start a hardcore match right then and there, dealing a crushing blow to the boy with a lariat. This is a move similar to a clothesline in which the opponent is struck with the arm rather than the hand.

The following instructional video shows how a lariat differs from a clothesline in that you are swinging the arm rather than just holding it out and charging.

The boy was unharmed, but raced back home and tagged in the police who eventually arrested the suspect on 7 October. According to the investigation, the suspect admitted: “There is no question I assaulted him, but I didn’t punch him. I did a lariat.”

Without hearing the tone of his voice, it’s really hard to tell if he thinks hitting a kid with a lariat instead of a punch would lessen his punishment, or if he’s just really proud of himself. The unconventional nature of the attack means we can’t rule out this guy thinking that a “legal move” in wrestling means it’s actually not against the law in real life.

Readers of the news felt that assault is assault regardless of whether it’s a punch, lariat, moonsault double foot stomp, Stone Cold stunner, tombstone piledriver, or even stink face.  However, they also haven’t forgotten that this was not a completely unprovoked attack, and the boy has a share in the blame as well.

“Yeah, that’s still assault man.”
“I gave my brother a lariat and my parents got mad at me. I wonder what this guy’s parents will do.”
“I understand how he feels but violence isn’t the answer.”
“I hope kids who sing stuff like that grow up to be bald.”
“The kid was using hate speech right?”
“I would have done an Emerald Flowsion on his ass.”
“You can’t go around saying things like that and not expect blowback. The boy had it coming. Not guilty!”
“What kind of a child sings songs about hating bald people?”

It is fair to say that the young man should answer for the part he played in this incident to some extent too, but that still doesn’t excuse the suspect from resorting to physical violence. Pro-wrestling moves especially are best left to the professionals in controlled environments stocked with plenty of spandex and body oils.

▼ We know this from experience

If these techniques start seeping into real life, then its a slippery slope into heel moves like eye gouges, back rakes, el kabongs, and – lord help us – the Asian mist all pouring out into the streets.

Sources: Kobe Shimbun Next, Hachima Kiko
Photos ©SoraNews24
● Want to hear about SoraNews24’s latest articles as soon as they’re published? Follow us on Facebook and Twitter!