Now you can feel the irresistable warmth of a kotatsu whenever you want, so say goodbye to productivity.

Winter is well and truly on its way here in Japan, and that can mean only one thing – kotatsu! The low heated tables are a hit with everyone when the days start to turn cold, as there’s nothing better than settling down under the kotatsu, ready for a long evening of doing absolutely nothing. Pure bliss.

But kotatsu, while absolutely one of the best things about winter in Japan, are not without their limits. While we certainly wish we could spend all our lives comfortably lounging around under the heated table, there are times when you have to – heaven forfend – get out from under your kotatsu. Wouldn’t it be great if you could be surrounded by the gentle embrace of the kotatsu’s warmth, no matter what you were doing? If such a thing were to exist, surely that would be it for humankind. No one would get anything done; everyone would be too busy lounging around, basking in the loving comfort that kotatsu bring.

Well, actually, no, as such an item already exists. Made by Japanese company Thanko, the ‘Kotatsu for One’ (also known by some as the ‘Life Ruiner‘) is so popular that it completely sold out online within days.

Luckily for us, we already know a man who, even without the aid of a kotatsu, is perpetually a smoking hottie: SoraNews24’s very own Mr. Sato. Mr. Sato had managed to get his hands on the Life Ruiner, as some were still in stock in certain shops in Akihabara. Keen to test it out, he brought it home and set it up immediately.

▼ Thanko’s ‘Kotatsu for One’ (8,980 yen [US$86])

The Kotatsu for One kit consists of a wearable kotatsu, an adapter and a remote control to set the temperature. The kotatsu itself is almost like a sleeping bag, at 129 centimeters (4 feet 2 inches) in length. For most adult males, Mr. Sato reckons, it will come up to around your chest. Two heaters are built into the inner lining of the kotatsu, with one around the upper pocket area and the other near your feet.

If, for some reason, you need to move around whilst wearing your kotatsu, fear not! There are gaps near the bottom of the kotatsu for you to stick your feet out of.

The inside of the kotatsu is made of a soft, furry fabric, so even without turning the kotatsu on you can keep nice and toasty!

The Life Ruiner can be enjoyed at three temperatures – around 35, 45 and 55 degrees Celsius (95, 113 and 131 degrees Fahrenheit). And don’t worry if you get so comfortable that you forget to turn your kotatsu off – it can be set on a timer, up to 90 minutes long. The kotatsu will automatically turn off after 90 minutes have passed, too. After all, you need to return to normal society at some point.

But we all know what you came here to see – SoraNews24’s verified hunk Mr. Sato in the Life Ruiner. Would the bringer of heat, the Kotatsu for One, make the already stunning Mr. Sato even more sizzling?!

▼ We’ll leave that up to you to decide.

While results on the increase in Mr. Sato’s hotness barometer are still pending, how would the Life Ruiner affect his productivity levels? Mr. Sato is an internationally renowned writer and a hard worker at that, but as everyone knows, once you get into the kotatsu, you can say goodbye to getting anything done other than watching Netflix and eating oranges. What would the Life Ruiner mean for Mr. Sato and his work? Surely once he’d started getting into his writing zone, he’d have to take the Life Ruiner off?

The Life Ruiner meant Mr. Sato could work comfortably without feeling the bitter cold, his body and legs toasty and warm. Was this it? Was Mr. Sato doomed to spend the rest of his life in the Life Ruiner? No longer would he do normal things, like sleep in a bed, or change his clothes. He would live out the rest of his days here, writing for SoraNews24, trapped in the toasty embrace of the Life Ruiner.

… or so he thought, until he realised he needed to go and pee. As warm and toasty and perfect as the Life Ruiner appeared to be, it was not toilet-friendly. Probably for the best, Mr. Sato mused, as if it were toilet compatible then there would really be no reason to ever take it off, so in the end a little inconvenience worked out better in the long run.

And so Mr. Sato barely escaped the Life Ruiner’s clutches and returned to normal society once more.

If you think you can stand up to the tempting lure of the Life Ruiner’s siren song, Mr. Sato recommends buying one ASAP. They appear to be back in stock on the Thanko website, so pop one in your shopping cart and get ready to descend into heated heaven. Alternatively, you can make your own kotatsu with this stick-on heater.

Related: Thanko ‘Kotatsu for One’
Photos © SoraNews24
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