Do low ratings and low temperatures go hand in hand?

January tends to bring the chill to many parts of Japan and it’s important to bundle up against the elements. However, in today’s smartphone world, it’s also important to stay connected. That’s why our reporter Masanuki Sunakoma decided to invest in a new pair of gloves that keep his fingertips free for swiping and tapping.

And in keeping with Masanuki’s Amazon shopping habits, he decided to find the lowest-ranked pair possible and see if they were really deserving of the disrepute. His search resulted in a hastily taped Manilla envelope at his doorstep, which contained some mitts that had gotten a unanimous one-star review from three customers.

Luckily, unlike Masanuki’s Halloween mask, this order arrived while it was still winter, so he hurriedly tore it open. Really though, the tape job was so loose that it was hard to not hurriedly tear it open.

Inside was a smaller plastic bag with a couple shriveled-looking knitted items inside.

This wasn’t a huge shock to Masanuki, since the three rock-bottom reviews had pointed out that they were way too small for something that was advertised to be suitable for adult men. Still, it was only three people, so it wasn’t inconceivable that they all happened to have gigantic hands.

Masanuki, however, did not have enormous hands…or at least, that’s what he had thought up until the moment he tried these things on.

Maybe his hands were huge after all? He had never really compared them before and just assumed they were average. Either way, they certainly weren’t fitting into these little knitted sleeves easily.

After some considerable shoving and grunting, Masanuki had finally and violently gained entry to the gloves.

He now knows how Piccolo must have felt whenever he regenerated his arm.

Once on, it was certainly snug, but not a terrible fit at all.

With repeated wearing it’d probably stretch out a bit too, but it certainly seemed like a product more suited towards the small-handed or children.

Masnauki then stared at the left mitt and braced himself for another fight.

But oddly enough, it slipped on quite smoothly.

Did the fibers in these gloves have some sort of a psychic connection or quantum entanglement that caused the second one to fit so well? If so, they’d totally be worth the 1,980 yen (US$17) price tag, but we’re probably better off assuming either that they were just unevenly made or that Masanuki has different-sized hands.

Nevertheless, they weren’t uncomfortable, and as promised they kept Masanuki’s fingers free for touchscreens or counting exact change for his candy. Also, there’s an unfoldable sheath that can keep fingers warm while not in use.

▼ Your thumb, however, is SOL

It might not be the coolest look, but he did feel warmer. Basically, these gloves did everything they promised, even though the sizing was an issue. On the other hand, there are probably better mitts for the same price among the some 100,000 sold on Amazon Japan.

And so, Masanuki gives these gloves a 2.5-star rating and will use them in his daily life. As luck would have it, they also match the leather mask and riding whips he got in his low-rated lucky bag.

Related: Amazon/Fingerless Knitted Rib Hand Warmer Glove Smartphone iPhone Compatible Men’s Ladies’
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