We all have our own ways of coping with life.

Writers must sometimes face the dilemma of whether or not to publish an article that they have written for fear of the repercussions of it. This happened to our reporter Ahiruneko recently with a shocking exposé of his senior co-worker Mr. Sato that may change the way we all think of him.

It all started when Ahiruneko noticed a sudden change in Mr. Sato’s behavior. Although he was always a respected and beloved coworker who brought joy into the office day after day, recently, he’s been a little… extra peppy.

That’s not to say it’s a bad thing. He’s been coming in early every day and keeping office morale at an all-time high with his gentle guidance and sage-like wisdom.

And his own work has been sharper and more efficiently done than ever. Even outside of work, he’s been dutifully keeping up with his pole dancing and enjoying his other hobbies to their fullest.

But as Ahironeko watched this ball of energy electrify the workplace, he could only think to himself…

▼ Ahiruneko: “This is all a little much.”

He and Mr. Sato go back a long time, so watching his esteemed colleague behave in such a way set off alarm bells that something else was going on here… possibly something dark and twisted.

When Ahiruneko saw Mr. Sato gear up to go outside for a bit, he decided to trail him and find out what he’d been up to.

Mr. Sato never announced where he was going and Ahiruneko wondered if it was a possible interview, hoping it was nothing shady like a clandestine drug deal or underground cockfighting ring.

Wherever he was going, he seemed to be heading there with a purpose, stopping for nothing and keeping his gaze locked on the road that lay before him.

Suddenly, Ahiruneko saw a small item fall from Mr. Sato’s person and land on the street. He didn’t seem to notice, however, and continued on his laser-focused march.

Ahiruneko took a closer look and saw it was Mr. Sato’s wallet. It had fallen out and the guy had no idea.

Although it meant blowing his cover, Ahiruneko decided to alert Mr. Sato about his lost item.

▼ Ahiruneko: “Mr. Sato! I think you dropped your wallet!”

▼ Ahiruneko: “Mr. Sato!”

▼ Ahiruneko: “Mr. Sa…”

▼ Ahiruneko: “tohhhhhhhh…”

▼ Ahiruneko: “…”

▼ Ahiruneko: “…”

▼ Ahiruneko: “Um, hey… W-What’s going on?”

Ahiruneko had mentally prepared himself for a number of shocking outcomes, like Mr. Sato having gotten embroiled in organized crime or a cult, but finding a carrot hanging from his coworker’s baseball cap was not one of them. Luckily, Mr. Sato sensed his friend’s confusion and decided to explain.

▼ Mr. Sato: “You’re probably wondering about the carrot. You see, I turned 50 this year, but I still feel I haven’t matured enough as a writer and as a person. I’ve been feeling acutely aware of this recently and am trying to push myself harder.”

▼ Ahiruneko: “So, you’re dangling a carrot to motivate yourself? I don’t think they even do that with horses anymore.”
Mr. Sato: “See? Even my metaphors are outdated! I have to get with the times… I have to move forward!”

From Ahiruneko’s viewpoint, it looked like a carrot was talking to him. This unsettled him quite a bit so he decided to end the conversation then and there by reminding Mr. Sato about his wallet.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Oh yeah, thanks! I’ll just go get it…”

▼ Ahiruneko: “Uh, but it’s back there…”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Gotta keep moving forward…”

▼ Ahiruneko: “Where are you going?”

Mr. Sato continued on the path ahead of him without a single glance back at his lost item and disappeared around a corner. Ahiruneko wasn’t sure what to make of it but decided to stay near the wallet to keep it safe.

Five minutes later, a carrot peeked out from a corner behind him.

It was Mr. Sato, who seemed to have walked around the block.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Gotta keep moving forward…”

▼ Mr. Sato: “There we go.”

▼ Ahiruneko: “Did you just walk about the entire block rather than turn around?”
Mr. Sato: “That’s right. That’s how I keep pushing myself to move forward.”

▼ Ahiruneko: “But you went in a big circle. That’s technically not…”
Mr. Sato: “Anyway, thanks for the wallet! I have an interview to get to.”

Ahiruneko decided to shadow Mr. Sato the rest of the way to make sure he was OK.

He did come across the police, and since he’s been stopped by them for doing less suspicious things than wearing a carrot, this had the potential to go wrong.

Luckily, he made it to his destination safely, so Ahiruneko returned to the office to write up his story.

As he sat at the computer and stared at the words on the screen, he considered scrapping it. After all, bringing attention to this behavior might land him on a late-night variety show where they tease him mercilessly and call him the “Shinjuku Carrot Commander” or something equally lame.

▼ Ahiruneko: “Sigh…”

But then Ahiruneko thought about what the carrot represents. Maybe he too needed to stop being so wishy-washy and just focus on moving forward like Mr. Sato. With that in mind, he submitted the story and looked forward to a new year of growth for both him and his fellow writer.

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[ Read in Japanese ]