You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover… unless a snake is tattooed on it.

Face tattoos have been slowly gaining popularity what with artists like 6ix9ine, XXXTenacion, and other famous names that defy literacy wearing them. Even in Japan where all tattoos still have somewhat of a lingering stigma to them, you might spot the rare face tattoo here and there.

That being said, face tattoos like the one on Masashi Echizenya are quite rare. So much so that his perp walk on the TV news showing him staring right at the cameras with a tattoo of a snake wrapped around most of his face and what appears to be a grill is easily the most striking one we’ve seen in Japan all year.

▼ A news report on the arrest: It’s worth sticking around for the CGI re-enactment.

The 49-year-old Echizenya was arrested after an incident on 15 November in which he is suspected of shoplifting and assault. The store clerk suspected him of stealing items, causing him to run out of the store. The clerk went in pursuit and Echizenya allegedly headbutted him in the face multiple times. The serpentine suspect then fled again, dropping a bottle of coffee and two baked goods in the process.

Most people reading this will probably not be shocked that such a man could be capable of this crime. However, when reporters interviewed his neighbors in Tokyo, they generally thought of him as a mild-mannered guy.

“I would bump into him in the laundry room,” said one neighbor, “and at first I was really surprised, but when he talked he was always soft-spoken and quite polite.” Another neighbor admitted that he looked like a tough guy but always greeted people in a cheery voice, saying, “He didn’t seem like a bad person. He just looked like one.”

The testimonies that Echizenya comes across as a big old softy are supported by the fact the store clerk actually bothered to chase him. As a general rule, if a guy with a snake tattooed on his face did that on my watch, my minimum-wage-earning butt would stay firmly behind the counter and call the police. After all, the guy’s pretty easy to give a description of.

So, it would seem that this clerk was under the assumption he could have apprehended the suspect but instead ended up with injuries that are expected to take two weeks to recover from. Meanwhile, Echizenya is exercising his right to remain silent in police custody for the time being, leaving readers of the news unclear about what his deal is. Nevertheless, there’s a general agreement that the facts of the case speak for themselves.

“It really shows you the power of a polite greeting.”
“I know it’s wrong to have a bad impression of people with tattoos but I’d be scared if that guy greeted me.”
“That face is a good life hack to keep you on welfare the rest of your life because no one’s going to hire you.”
“Maybe he could be a TV personality. Guys with faces like that usually have some interesting stories.”
“He might really be a good guy, but how can you not judge him by that appearance?”
“His greeting would have to be inhumanly cheery for me not to be terrified of him.”
“Maybe he’s like that guy in Ushijima the Loan Shark who had to get the tattoo as a punishment.”
“He’s going to have to do a little better than just saying hello to win me over.”
“It’s really hard to fit into Japanese society looking like that. He was probably just broke and hungry.”
“Being nice like that is just a standard beggar’s technique. That’s all.”

Following his arrest and these comments, subsequent investigations by both the police and media found that Echizenya was indeed a notorious mooch among the larger community. He was reportedly often seen standing by vending machines and calling out to passersby for 100 yen to buy a drink, bumming cigarettes off anyone he could, and just making people uncomfortable all around. A look into his social media presence also revealed that in addition to the snake tattoo and grill, he had his tongue surgically forked.

Unfortunately, this will likely damage a lot of the goodwill that other people with snakes tattooed on their faces have worked so hard to build up over the years – people like beloved Melonville smut peddler Harry, the Guy with the Snake on His Face.

I guess the moral of this story is that all the people involved who didn’t judge a book by its cover appear to have been wrong so perhaps we should call other adages into question too. I think there’s been enough clinical trials to suggest laughter is not in fact the best medicine, and our boss even found out the hard way that a penny saved really isn’t a penny earned. Who knows what else we’ve all been wrong about?

Source: FNN Prime Online, Shueisha Online, Hachima Kiko
Featured image: Pakutaso
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