Two middle-aged guys look to teen culture to reignite their inner kawaii.

After reading up on a new list of trending slang currently being used by high schoolers in the Kanto region, our Japanese-language reporter Seiji Nakazawa started feeling old…really old.

As a self-professed middle-aged guy, or ‘ossan‘ as they’re called in Japan, 39-year-old Seiji had been looking for ways to reclaim his lost youth before hitting the big 4-0, but there was no way he could slip any of these teen colloquialisms into his vocabulary without people giving him some serious side-eye.

But then, he came across a survey conducted by the same teen marketing company, ING, which revealed the top ten poses currently trending amongst high schoolers in the Kanto region.

Now this sounded like something he could definitely try out in the office, because all the poses in the top ten featured two individuals, and he knew there’d be a fellow ossan around to help him out.

▼ Ossan number one (Seiji) and ossan number two (Mr Sato) clearly have no idea how to pose for a photo.

Left to their own devices, our ossan duo might think the absurdity of facing the floor and a random wall makes for a cool pose, but nope — sorry, guys, that pose is definitely not on the list.

What is on the list is a lot of hearts, some cheeks and chins, and a few idol references. So let’s see if Seiji and Mr Sato did them justice, shall we?

▼ 10. The “Yama Haato” (“Yama Heart“)

This crossed-finger pose is named after Ryosuke Yamada from Japanese boy band Hey! Say! JUMP. However, the pose is meant to be held cutely beneath your lips, so this was an immediate fail for our middle-aged duo.

▼ 9. The “Mage Piisu” (“Bent Peace“)

This new take on the two-finger peace sign involves bending the fingers at the knuckles, creating…claws? Rabbit ears? Whatever it is, our ossan manage to make it look extra creepy, as if we’ve stepped into a zombie apocalypse.

▼ 8. The “Ago Tsumami” (“Chin Pinch“)

What a couple of cuties! This one is going straight into the annual office calendar.

▼ 7. The “Mukai Haato” (“Opposite Heart“)

Opposites attract…unless you’re these two, as Mr Sato couldn’t quite manage to curl his fingers together properly to form the perfect heart shape.

▼ 6. The “Piisu Haato” (“Peace Heart“)

Another heart to test the digit dexterity of our ageing reporters, who were now beginning to feel older than they did before starting these poses.

▼ 5. The “Kumo no Ue” (“Above the Clouds“)

This pose takes it name from the song “Kumo no Ue”, which has become hugely popular online, inspiring a number of dance routines on TikTok. Our two fuddy duddies don’t know about that app yet, and to be honest, we hope they don’t find out about it because the world isn’t ready for Ossan TikTok.

▼ 4. The “Chuki Chuki Pose“

Ryusei Onishi from Japanese boy band Naniwa Danshi introduced the world to this look, which is simply called the “chuki chuki pose”. Neither of our boys make this dimple-creating cheek salute look boy-band charming, though, and we’re scared to think what’s going on behind the eyes of Mr Sato in this one.

▼ 3. The “Ago Haato” (“Chin Heart“)

Seiji didn’t do a bad job with the heart shape here — maybe the teen spirit is hiding inside him after all! Mr Sato, on the other hand, looks as if he’s pleading for his youth back…or maybe pleading for it to never return.

▼ 2. The “Kataomoi Haato” (“Unrequited love heart“)

Seiji’s open, loving heart is rebuffed by Mr Sato’s unclenching fist, creating an unforgettable image of unrequited love that’s not unlike their working relationship.

And finally, in the number one spot as the most popular pose…

▼ 1. The “Luda Heart“

This is the signature pose of Luda, a member of South Korean-Chinese girl group WJSN. Again, this is meant to look cute, but our ossan make it look anything but.

So there you have it — the top ten poses currently trending amongst high school students in the Kanto region in and around Tokyo today. Like the current trending slang, a lot of these poses have made their way into the real world via TikTok and girl and boy band members, but as our reporters show, these trends may not be for everyone.

Let’s hope our ossan duo don’t find out about the way young people are dressing these days, because that’s something the world definitely doesn’t need to see!

Photos © SoraNews24
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