What can the biggest chocolate egg we’ve ever seen teach us about parenthood?

Going to Costco in Japan is a fun, cross-cultural experience, and our staff makes frequent visits to buy rotisserie chicken, kabayaki salmon, bulgogi bakes, and other things to satisfy our pan-Pacific cravings. On a recent visit, though, our Japanese-language reporter P.K. Sanjun spotted something not on his shopping list that truly shocked him.

Officially called the Giant Easter Egg, the colossal chocolate egg weighs six kilograms (13.2 pounds) and has 31,848 calories. There’s one more shocking number too, the price, 22,998 yen (US$222).

“Who the heck would buy this crazy thing?” P.K. asked himself. Deep down, though, he knew the answer. The people who buy giant chocolate eggs are the same kind of people who buy giant Evangelion weaponry plushies.

In other words, us.

So the giant choco egg wound up at SoraNews24 headquarters. While P.J. was trying to figure out what exactly to do with it, our boss, SoraNews24 founder Yoshio, strolled into the office.

“Whoooooa, P.K.! That thing is huge! So huge! Like, really, really huge!”

“Yeah, boss, it sure is.”

“I’ve never seen a choco egg this big before! It’s so, so big! And so, so cute!

“Yeah, it sure i-, wait, cute?”

Yep, cute. See, Yoshio is a guy with natural nurturing instincts. He gave birth to SoraNews24, and is also raising two daughters. And now, he wanted to take care of this egg.

“I wonder what’s going to hatch from it…You know what? I’ve decided. Until it hatches, I’ll watch over this               egg.”

“But boss, it’s…it’s a chocolate egg…”

“Irrelevant! If the egg is shown love, something beautiful will be born from it. Love! All it needs is love!”

“But…but…like, how are you gonna take care of-“

“OK, Egg-chan, you and Papa are going for a walk!”

And just like that, Yoshio hefted his new baby into his arms and stepped out into the streets of Tokyo, with P.K. following behind. It quickly became apparent that Yoshio was a very doting father.

▼ “Egg-chan, be a good little egg and maybe Papa will buy you some takoyaki later, all right?”

Even though SoraNews24 is located in the downtown Shinjuku district, we’ve still got a few parks within walking distance. The January weather was crisp but sunny, so Yoshio made his way to one, gently cooing to Egg-chan as he carried his chocolatey child.

Egg-chan would surely be smiling if it had a face, and Yoshio also radiated warm fuzzy feelings as the two of them went down the slide…

…played on the swings…

…and took a turn on one of those rocking horse-style playground equipment pieces of indeterminate shape.

▼ We think this one might be a fried shrimp.

“Wow, we had so much fun, didn’t we, Egg-chan?” asked Yoshio, who hadn’t said a word to P.K. the entire time. “Oh, but look how tuckered out you are now? Don’t worry ,though, Papa will carry you back, “ he promised, and once they’d returned to the office, a nap was in order.

▼ Don’t they look peaceful (and also a little crazy)?

However, even with Yoshio’s contagiously delusionary attitude, both he and P.K. realized that a chocolate egg cannot hatch on its own, and requires outside assistance to break its shell. So Yoshio picked up the SoraNews24 company hammer…

…but there was a problem.

“I…I just can’t do it! I can’t smash Egg-chan.”

“Boss, I know how you feel. But if you don’t, we’ll never know what was born from your love.”

“Yes, you’re right. It’s my duty, as the father, to bring Egg-chan’s true form into this world. I just want to make                   one thing clear.”

“What’s that?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if my love for Egg-chan caused bars of solid gold to grow inside of it. But I want you to                 know that I didn’t take care of it for financial gain. I just did what any father would do.”

And so Yoshio lovingly took a hammer to Egg-chan, discovering that inside there was…

nothing at all, since the Giant Easter Egg is hollow.

Yoshio couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. After showring Egg-chan with love all afternoon, there were no glistening riches, nor any signs of peace like a flock of doves. All there was was emptiness.

But then he and P.K. though back to all the good times they’d shared with Egg-chan, and realized that there’s one thing you can always count on love to create: more love. And love isn’t something you can see or touch. It’s something you feel.

So while the inside of the egg was empty, Yoshio’s heart was full. The love he had given Egg-chan had now come full circle, and he was reminded of the fundamental joy of being a father, and how being a parent is even better if your kid happens to be made out of chocolate and you can eat them.

Photos ©SoraNews24
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