A story about pleasing your boss.

Although not quite as high profile as others like Mr. Sato, Seiji, or Go, Yoshio is a key figure in the SoraNews24 universe. It was actually his vision that gave birth to our organization over a decade ago, and as such he is a man whom we all greatly admire and fear.

So it was with great concern that our Japanese-language writer Ahiruneko got a sudden text from his/our boss which read, “I took it out and it leaked all over my pants” along with the following photographic evidence.

It took a moment for Ahiruneko to realize that Yoshio was talking about his take-out meal. During transit, the soup had seeped through its container and somehow directly between his thighs.

“Serves him right,” thought Ahiruneko. Bear in mind, Yoshio is his boss and occasionally has had to reprimand him for incidents such as drinking on the job, or removing an accountant’s shirt, binding his hands, painting him, and force-feeding him curry. As a result, Ahiruneko harbors a bit of resentment toward his superior and reveled a little in his misfortune.

However, as he stared at those patches of soaked fabric, Ahiruneko thought better of it. He remembered that although a wet-blanket-fuddy-duddy at times, Yoshio has two kids, and they deserved better than having to grow up with a soggy-pantsed father.

Also thinking this might score him some points for the next time he gets in trouble for wearing French fry boxes on his feet to work, Ahiruneko set out to find a solution to his boss’ dilemma.

This solution turned out to be the Bicycle Delivery Unit 5 XMC-06 manufactured by Fujita Dougu and sold for 56,550 yen (US$530).

This contraption has been used in Japan for decades, especially before services like pizza delivery and Uber Eats caught on. Back in those days, the main meals that was carried through the streets were noodle-based like soba and ramen. By suspending the food, the device absorbs the shocks from the road and keeps everything level, thus ensuring a spill-free delivery.

After purchasing the XMC-06 and a brand new bicycle, all on the company account, Ahiruneko called Yoshio to tell him a surprise was waiting in the park. All he had to do now was install it.

▼ Ahiruneko: “Huh?”

▼ Ahiruneko: “Hmmm.”

▼ Ahiruneko: “Gyah… This thing’s heavy.”

▼ Ahiruneko: “…”

▼ Ahiruneko: “How do I install it?”

The XMC-06 didn’t come with any installation parts or tools; just a flat rack that was somehow supposed to interact with the flat rack on the bicycle. Time was running out, and Ahiruneko couldn’t figure out what to do, so he called a nearby mechanic.

▼ Ahiruneko: “Yes… Uh-huh… No, it’s not meant for motorbikes. It’s the bicycle kind. Yes… Ah, I see. So, you’re saying the safest thing to do is take the bike into the shop to get it installed? Mmm… Yeah… Of course… That sounds good. Thanks for your help!”

▼ Ahiruneko: “What a pain in the ass…”

Our writer assumed the XMC-06 weighed about 10 kilograms (22 pounds). The thought of hauling that ungainly thing and a bike anywhere was not appealing.

“I don’t even like the guy anywa…” thought Ahiruneko when he suddenly saw his employer approach.

▼ Ahiruneko: “Aw crap…”

▼ Ahiruneko: “He looks really excited.”

Ahiruneko had promised him a surprise, so naturally Yoshio had an extra little spring in his step as he approached his faithful employee.

“This is all that jack-ass’ problem anyway,” thought Ahiruneko, “He should just carry the damn thing himself… Wait, that’s it!”

Ahiruneko told Yoshio that the XMC-06 was meant to be strapped to one’s back and ensure a spill-free transport of any food he wanted. He also showed Yoshio the new bike he had gotten for himself.

As he explained all this, Yoshio just stared him down, coldly…

▼ Yoshio: “Well, alrightie then!!! Can you gimme a hand with this?”

“Thank god,” thought Ahiruneko, “he bought it.”

Not only that, but Yoshio was so excited to try it out, he quickly fashioned a backpack-like rig to carry it with.

▼ Yoshio: “Too bad I, ergh, don’t have a bike like yours. That would be a lot, ugh, easier.”

Grinning ear to ear, Yoshio had successfully put on the XMC-06 and resembled a cybernetic fish-mascot for Uber Eats.

“Alright, lets break this bad-boy in, shall we?” shouted Yoshio.

The two men set off to get some take-out: Yoshio shamelessly leading the way while Ahiruneko followed, fearful that the stupidity of all this might dawn on his boss at any moment.

However, Yoshio wore the XMC-06 with pride, and oddly enough, Ahiruneko began to think it kind of looked cool. Yoshio looked a bit like RoboCop or something from Gundam as he trudged through the urban jungle. He had to be getting tired though…

Yoshio finally reached his destination: a 7-Eleven. Ahiruneko was surprised at his choice, but a little relieved. Such a place would at least be less judgmental than a restaurant.

Adhering to 7-Eleven’s policy of “No Pets and No XMC-06 Allowed,” Yoshio disengaged with his carrier and entered the store while Ahiruneko stood guard outside.

A few minutes later Yoshio emerged.

Ahiruneko: “Aw crap, no!”

Ahiruneko thought Yoshio would’ve gotten a simple bento, but instead came out with a fully prepared bowl of instant ramen. It was filled with scalding hot water and its flimsy foil lid couldn’t even be resealed.

Yoshio slipped the soup into the XMC-06 whispering, “In you go little one. Papa’s got you now. Let’s go home.”

The pair headed back the way they came. Ahiruneko stared at the lump in Yoshio’s XMC-06 and fought back the urge to flee. If that hot soup were to spill all over Yoshio’s pants, staining his crotch once again, Ahiruneko’s days of writing reviews for gourmet restaurants were up.

“This is a really good workout too,” beamed Yoshio.

“He’s actually enjoying this,” thought Ahiruneko, who was at least relieved that the weight of the XMC-06 was slowing down Yoshio’s pace and reducing the chance of a career-ending spillage.

A few minutes later, they arrived back at the park where they started from. Yoshio let out a puff and once again disengaged with the XMC-06. He pulled out the instant ramen and happily slurped it down.

Ahiruneko was shocked. Not a drop of soup had escaped from the bowl at all.

“Ahiruneko, thank you,” said Yoshio with gentle sincerity, “Because of you, my pants will never be wet and dirty again! Have a great day, my friend!”

With that, Yoshio went back home with the XMC-06 firmly strapped to his back.

Ahiruneko just stared, dumbfounded by everything that had happened. It all somehow worked out for him, and he got a new bike in the process!

Moreover, he learned a valuable lesson. It’s probably better to just fly straight and do his job properly than get into zany schemes based on lies and animosity.

Having narrowly avoided disaster, Ahiruneko would no longer take any chances and from this point forward he would just sit at his desk and… Oh, wait a minute…

▼ Ahiruneko: “Huh?”

▼ Ahiruneko: “He’s coming back…”

Ahiruneko: “Why is he looking at me like that? What the hell does he want now?”


Photos ©SoraNews24
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[ Read in Japanese ]