Dramatic and delicious teaser shows off Japan’s newest plan to protect itself from the hungry kaiju.

Godzilla has been in an especially aggressive mood lately. In October, he started fighting 1940s Japan with the release of period-piece Godzilla Minus One, and he’s got a bout against an as-yet-undisclosed opponent in the upcoming Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire, scheduled to open in April.

And yet, the King of the Monsters still has space in his schedule to pick at least one more fight, this time against none other than the king of fast food, McDonald’s.

“Godzilla vs. McDonald’s”

To be fair, though the short video released by McDonald’s Japan bills the situation as “Godzilla vs. McDonald’s,” the relationship isn’t entirely adversarial. Let’s start at the beginning, though, as we hear the imposing brass blast of the Godzilla theme music and a schoolgirl in a sailor suit declares “Godzilla is coming.”

“We’re welcoming Godzilla in,” says a tersely voiced woman in a command post with video relays of Godzilla entering downtown Tokyo. “He’s a living organism, so that means he can get hungry,” says a specialist who’s being interviewed on TV, before a pensive scientist concludes “A regular burger isn’t going to cut it.”

We then cut to perhaps the greatest example of Japanese customer service ever, as a young woman in a McDonald’s Japan uniform stands in the midst of a crowd of fleeing civilians, faces Godzilla, and, with a quick bow, says “Hello, and thank you for coming!”

“This isn’t a normal situation, so a normal response won’t be enough!” an impassioned man says, as we once again see a brave McDonald’s employee telling her coworkers “I don’t want to run away from this!”

Then it’s back to the schoolgirl, who directly addresses the kaiju. “Over here, Godzilla!” she shouts. “The Godzilla Burgers are over here!”

These three Godzilla Burgers are McDonald’s Japan’s/humanity’s last chance at stopping the monster’s rampage. Each is, as you’d expect, an extra-meaty, super-filling sandwich, starting with the Delicious Spicy Thick-cut Beef and Rough-chopped Potato, with both beef and potato patties and a spicy mayo sauce plus cheddar cheese. Plan B to curb Godzilla’s wrath and hunger is the Smokey Pepper Chicken, a fried chicken cutlet with thick-cut bacon, cheese, crisp sliced onion, and smokey mustard. Finally, there’s the Cheese Double Teriyaki, a brute-force approach that forgoes getting cute with the ingredients and just hitting Godzilla with two pork patties smothered in teriyaki sauce accompanied by cheese and lettuce.

Yes, in keeping with Godzilla’s all-consuming nature, the Godzilla Burger lineup consists of beef, chicken, and pork sandwiches.

In addition to their extra-large size, the Godzilla Burgers are so named because of their unique buns, which are shaped to evoke thought of Godzilla’s scales and physique.

Getting back to the video, the Godzilla response team isn’t going to just leave the Godzilla Burgers lying out in the street, perhaps because even Godzilla likes for his food to be served hygienically. Instead, they’ve created a Jet Jaguar-like giant McDonald’s robot to deliver the food, plus the famous free smile that McDonald’s Japan still prominently promises on its menu.

The Godzilla Burgers are priced at 530 yen (US$3.70) for the beef version, 470 yen for the chicken, and 500 yen for the pork, though presumably Godzilla himself is getting his sandwiches comped by McDonald’s Japan or whoever else is footing the bill for the defense strategy.

Will this be enough to save Japan? We won’t know for sure until McDonald’s Japan officially releases the Godzilla Burgers on January 5.

Source: McDonald’s Japan via Hachima Kiko
Top image: McDonald’s Japan
Insert images: Twitter/@McDonaldsJapan, McDonald’s Japan
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