And increased our repertoire of derp faces, all in the name of science!

The release of Apple’s newest flagship smartphone the iPhone X marked the start of a new era… one which Mr. Sato is unfortunately not a part of.

Go Hattori, our Japanese-language reporter, fared a little better and netted himself one of the coveted smartphones. Eager to test out all its new functions, Go wasted no time in trying out the iPhone X’s revolutionary Face ID, the built-in facial recognition security feature.

But then an unpleasant thought struck him: anyone with access to his phone and face could bypass it in a jiffy. Go could potentially lose all his progress in Pokémon GO, but more importantly, the world would know about his questionable choice in hardcore metal anime music.

▼ Go registering his face with Face ID.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, as they say, so Go decided to test exactly which facial expressions would prevent his phone from unlocking. That way if a would-be thief thrust the iPhone X into his face, he could contort his features to prevent them from accessing it.

He started with a simple control test using Mr. Sato’s mug, seeing if that would unlock it.

▼ Nope. Rubbing more salt into Mr. Sato’s wounds. (Locked)

▼ It seems that the phone accepted Go’s laughing face… (Unlocked)

▼ …but an impersonation of his favorite Japanese
professional wrestler Antonio Inoki didn’t. (Locked)

Go tasted sweet, sweet victory. The iPhone hadn’t recognized his face. He had just beaten one of the most technologically advanced smartphone on the planet!

Forget the purpose of this experiment, it was now man versus machine. Go was determined to push the iPhone’s face detection farther than anyone else had ever dared, to contort his face in as many ways as possible that it wouldn’t recognize as him.

“There’s no way it could beat my
duh-I-don’t-know-what-you’re-talking-about face.”

▼ If constipation had a face, it would look like this. (Locked)

▼ Go imitated women taking selfies, or at least tried to. (Locked)

▼ The iPhone X might have short circuited at this point
with his impersonation of female singer Hiromi Iwasaki… (Locked)

▼ …and singer Hiroshi Itsuki. (Locked)

▼ If in doubt, always fall back on angry
versions of your favorite wrestler. (Locked)

▼ His impression of Kenyans proved to be a
weak opponent for the smartphone. (Unlocked)

▼ Go often did this face to make children laugh,
even if the phone did not. (Locked)

▼ The iPhone X allowed unbridled access as soon
as Go put on an arrogant face… (Unlocked)

▼ …but no recognition when looked down upon. (Locked)

▼ It remained locked when only half the face was visible. (Locked)

▼ The phone recognized faces, which meant that
letting hair down changed little… (Unlocked)

▼ …as did the 80s hairstyles of Japanese singers. (Unlocked)

▼ Face ID was smart enough to accommodate glasses… (Unlocked)

▼ …as well as sunglasses. (Unlocked)

▼ But as soon as he closed his eyes,
the phone remained tightly locked. (Locked)

▼ What about his eyebrows? Go couldn’t muster the courage to shave them off,
and instead chose to color them the shade of his skin. (Unlocked)

▼ Why not try a full view of the forehead… (Unlocked)

▼ …a fake beard… (Unlocked)

▼ …and fake eyes while we’re at it? (Locked)

▼ A thief forcefully opening Go’s eyes while
he’s asleep would have little luck… (Locked)

▼ …but if he woke up, it’s game over. (Unlocked)

▼ Go compiled all his findings into a video for the sake of science.

Our adventurous reporter finally concluded that the ultimate defense against Face ID spoofing would be to close your eyes or buy a dubious iPhone X Identity Verification Abuse Prevention Item. Or even better, come up with the derpiest face possible.

▼ Go Hattori, beating facial recognition software since 2017. (Locked)

Because that’s the best defense against just about anything, really.

Photos: SoraNews24
[ Read in Japanese ]