2014.05.03 toilet

While men and women may not ever agree to how to use the toilet or what the length of an appropriate bathroom visit is, we can probably all agree that nothing is worse than someone is standing right outside the bathroom door waiting for your visit to the porcelain throne to end. Yet, somehow a group of Japanese netizens have found several ways to make that terribly awkward moment even worse.

These netizens recently held an impromptu “contest” to find out the creepiest thing a man could say to a woman after she came out of the bathroom. Click below to find out who managed to come up with the worst phrase and why the only “winner” of this contest was bad taste.

The netizens, who we can safely assume are all male, started a thread on the infamous Japanese web forum 2Channel that simply said “the guy who can think up the creepiest thing to say to a woman coming out of the bathroom wins.” And that didn’t take long to attract some of the most charming members of the Internet community to show off their skills with the opposite sex.

Mimicking plot elements of the 1972 classic Pink Flamingos to find “the filthiest person alive,” we’ve curated the best of the best below for your reading pleasure. So take a gander and try to imagine how you would react if one of these fine, upstanding gentlemen actually uttered these words to you upon leaving the bathroom.

“I heard every second of the melody your body created in there.”

“I could feel your warmth from here.”

“(while holding a plastic container) You haven’t flushed yet have you?”

“That was a lot longer than yesterday.”

“Wow, 3 minutes and 48 seconds…a new record!”

“I see you had somen last night”

“How much would you like for it?”

“Is this yours? I just found it in the sewer pipes.”

“OMG, it’s so cute!”

“You smell so much better than mother.”

“I’m lucky to arrive right on time when the smell is the best.”

According to the unofficial poll, pretty much everyone was equally disgusting, but the winner of the impromptu contest was the plastic container holder. (We wonder if he will put that on his resume.)

After reading that lovely thread, it’s no wonder why women would want to spend so long in the bathroom and even sneak out the back window if they see any of these creeps at the door!

Feature Image: Wikipedia
Source: Majikichi Sokuhou