When a stranger sends him a friend request, our reporter sees the opportunity to relieve his explosive, pent-up emotion.

Like most sociable, tech-savvy people in Japan, our ace reporter Mr. Sato uses messaging app Line to keep in touch with friends and acquaintances. Recently, though, he received a message from someone he’d never met before: Azusa, or, technically, “Azusa♪,”

Azusa’s Line chat invite was accompanied by a picture of a young, attractive woman, and her opening salutation to Mr. Sato was a cute illustrated stamp. Curious, and sensing an opportunity to get out of his regular work assignment, Mr. Sato responded in kind, with a stamp photo of Pen-Pinapple-Apple-Pen singer Piko Taro.

Their conversation quickly transitioned to actual words, with Azusa wanting to know a little more about Mr. Sato.

You might notice that our reporter didn’t actually answer Azusa’s question, and that’s on purpose. See, he was already pretty sure that this was some sort of scam, but he wanted to know whether he was chatting with an automated bot. If he was, all it would do is see that some sort of response had been sent and then immediately launch into a lie along the lines of “What a coincidence! I live in that neighborhood too!”

However, Azusa could tell that her question hadn’t been answered, and so she repeated it.

“Okay, so I’m dealing with an actual person…,” Mr. Sato deduced, and he decided to see where the conversation would lead. So he told Azusa his name and location, and things instantly got flirty.

After just a few more messages, Azusa decided to take things up a notch.

Now, it’s as this point that we should remind everyone that while Mr. Sato is in possession of stunning good looks and raw animal magnetism, he’s also a married man. Still, the invitation from Azusa had his blood pumping, since there’s one thing he always wants to do that his wife isn’t really down for, and if she won’t accommodate his desires, is it really so wrong to look for that particular action on the side?

And so he fired back his response:

Azusa was, understandably, taken aback by this bold suggestion, and was unable to hide her surprise at Mr. Sato’s old-school taste.

But Mr. Sato was firm in his resolve, and to prove it, he made the offer even more explosive.

At this point, Mr. Sato’s hands were trembling with excitement at the prospect of finding someone with whom to play the pioneering battle royale game Bomberman, which came out in 1985, more than a decade before Azusa was born. But just as he was imagining showing this young lady the fiery techniques of an older gentleman, things took a sudden turn.

Mr. Sato was puzzled. The time for chatting was done, and the time for blowing each other up in an 8-bit arena was at hand. What more was there to talk about?!?

Could…could it be that Azusa really had no interest in playing Bomberman together? Was this all just a charade? The sadness flooded Mr. Sato’s heart so quickly that it caused him to lash out in anger.

Azusa reacted by feigning confusion at Mr. Sato’s shift in emotions, as if anyone could be expected to maintain a pleasant mood after having the bomber-rug ripped out from under them like he had.

But this just served to twist the knife that Azusa had thrust into Mr. Sato’s retro gamer soul, and his anguish manifested itself once again in his choice of words.

Now, some of you may be startled to see the eminently chivalrous Mr. Sato speaking so harshly to a lonesome woman, but he was pretty sure that the actual fight that was going on was this:

That was the last Mr. Sato ever heard from “Azusa,” and so he’s still looking for someone to play Bomberman with. If you know someone who’s interested, drop us a line. Serious parties only though. We don’t think the guy can take any more heartbreak.

Images: SoraNews24
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