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For a long time now, our reporter Masanuki Sunakoma has enjoyed perusing the worst Amazon Japan has to offer based on customer reviews. Although there have been a few diamonds in the rough, for the most part, these duds have been worthy of their low number of stars.

This time, however, Masanuki found a very peculiarly low-rated item in a pretty magic wand. It would seem that magic wands are destined to disappoint when the buyer discovers they aren’t magical. As we all know, the only real magic wands are forged from the wood of the Tree of Orgath, grown in the soil fertilized by 100 human sacrifices – and good luck finding that on Amazon.

This product wisely sidesteps that issue by declaring itself a “toy wand” suitable for cosplay and birthday parties. So, why did this wand only get a 2.2-star rating from previous buyers? To find out, Masanuki placed an order for one. It cost 225 yen (US$1.60) and he was given the option to pay in two installments of 112 yen with 0% APR, but since our reporter’s stocks did well this year, he decided to pay it all at once.

A few days later, his magic wand arrived. As he tore open the package, he thought back to the reviews which seemed deeply divided between “terrible” and “a conscientious buy for the price.” Either way, it seems to elicit a lot of emotion from all those who lay their hands on it.

It came sealed in a Ziploc bag so he knew it was fresh.

Masanuki got a Christmas tree-shaped wand in honor of the holiday season, but they’re also available in hearts and butterflies. Perhaps it’s symbolic that the real magic lies in all of our hearts… as well as butterflies and pine trees.

The tip is full of colorful little beads that should enhance the brilliance of it when it lights up.

Assembly was relatively easy and just involved shoving the stick along with its excess LEDs into the Christmas tree.

After that, he removed the paper blocking the battery terminal and positioned his thumb over the switch.

Masanuki: “Whaaaaaaam…”

Masanuki: “Baaaaaaaam…”

Masanuki: “Thank you ma’am!”

It ended up working exactly as it should. Pretty colors lit up and glittered all over the magic wand. For most people, it wouldn’t be anything spectacular, but for Masanuki, who’s grown accustomed to the disappointment of low-rated Amazon goods, it was perfect!

But it seemed like a waste to use it in such a brightly lit room, so he took it to the darkest corner of his home: the toilet.

He was pretty sure there were some evil spirits afoot in this chamber too, so perhaps the healing light of his new wand would do the trick.

In the darkness, this wand really shined, though it had a bit more of a party vibe than a magical one. Also with the contrast affecting Masanuki’s vision, the Christmas tree started to look more like a coil of poop.

Still, it looked really nice and Masanuki felt that had he been a little girl, he would have loved this.

Heck, even as an old man, he was fairly pleased with it, so maybe it has some magic in it after all. At the very least, it delivered on its promise without a single flaw that our reporter could detect, and all at a very low price.

And that’s why he gave this magic wand a five-star review and added it to his list of unfairly maligned products on Amazon Japan.

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