She may not have started it, but she sure as heck ended it.

We recently got word that Japanese icon Hello Kitty would be visiting office in order to promote her Hello Again campaign in celebration of her 45th anniversary next year. However, we don’t care if you’re Hello Kitty or even Pom Pom Purin. If you want to come here to promote something, you’ll have to pay your dues through feats of strength.

However, Hello Kitty is a wily opponent. She’s shown herself to be extremely versatile at a number of skills from DJing to vlogging to exorcisms. Miss Kitty would certainly best us at most conventional forms of martial artistry, so we’d need to think way outside the box…all the way outside to Mongolia!

We decided it was best to fight Hello Kitty in the traditional Mongolian wrestling art of bökh, and chose our strongest staff member, P.K. Sanjun to grapple with the kitten-girl.

After donning the traditional Mongolian wrestling garb of a zodog (open-chested jacket) and shuudag (tight briefs), P.K. hid behind a shelf until Hello Kitty’s arrival.

Surprise was essential for this challenge as Hello Kitty’s Matrix-like ability to master new skills meant we couldn’t afford to give her any time to prepare.

Suddenly there was a lighthearted knock at the door…

It was Hello Kitty herself! The entire office was bathed in a pastel pink aura and everything from staplers to the ruins of Mr. Sato’s cardboard mini-house began to sparkle.

Fellow writer Seiji greeted the legend and immediately began to regale her with stories about his hair transplant, neither of them knowing the danger lurking in the shadows of the room.

Just as Miss Kitty and Seiji were really hitting it off, P.K. lunged out and began dancing.

As custom dictates, bökh wrestlers perform a traditional dance than mimics an animal, often a bird of prey, before the match. This has multiple purposes such as limbering up before the fight and also as an opportunity to provide subtle intimidation to the opponent.

Hello Kitty was taken aback at first, but as P.K. pranced around, her stance hardened. Her glistening black pupils grew cold and lifeless – like a doll’s eyes. She carefully assessed P.K. and waited for him to make the first move…

▼ FIGHT!!!

The two giants were locked in mortal combat, but it didn’t take long for P.K. to begin feeling weak at the knees. Although, she appeared to be a delicate kitten, Hello Kitty’s gut was made of wrought iron and unmovable. Faster than we could even take a photograph, the match was finished.

After P.K. was quickly brought down by the godmother of kawaii, she knelt over his crumpled form and remarked, “Oh my! Are you OK?”

In a post-match interview here’s what the two gladiators had to say:

“I didn’t train hard enough. The power of her hugs was overwhelming… Next time, I want to fight her again and end this rivalry.”

“It was all very sudden and I didn’t really understand the rules, but it was fun! Thank you for a nice day!”

As is often the case when two people fight face-to-face, a bond developed between Hello Kitty and P.K. He offered her a firm handshake and smiling face, having gotten to know a side of Miss Kitty that few have.

And of course, since she defeated P.K. in battle, Hello Kitty has earned the right to promote her Hello Again project. This is a contest where winners can give a special limited edition Hello Kitty doll with a message to someone they care about. The people who receive the gift will then be able give one to another person.

In total there will be 10,000 Hello Kitty dolls sent out and the first 150 winners will be selected starting 1 November for this once-in-a-lifetime chance at exclusive Hello Kitty memorabilia.

And with that Hello Kitty was off to other engagements in the Tokyo area.

The sparkling gleam in the office slowly faded, but a fire still burned bright in P.K.’s eyes. He turned to his trusty sparring partner Hatori Go, pointed at him, and said, “Let’s go!”

Although he respected her, the hunger to win remained stronger than ever. He would be ready when Hello Kitty came back to promote her 50th birthday, and he vowed to take her down then once and for all…

Source: Hello Again
Photos ©SoraNews24
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