Japan’s convenience store- (conbini) littered landscape is a breeding ground for competition, and with that comes increasingly more delicious food and drink in an increasingly wider variety.

This shouldn’t be news to anyone who lives in Japan, but our self-confessed conbini connoisseur Mr. Sato says he has developed a way to make one of their snacks 100 more delicious than its regularly sold.

“Normally I wouldn’t waste my time with a conbini amateur like you, but I’m going to show you the method I developed for making convenience store snacks 100 times more delicious. COME WITH ME NOW!”

Upon hearing those words, fellow writer Nakano was filled with utter disinterest and had no desire whatsoever to go with Mr. Sato. On the other hand, he also knew that failure to accompany the seasoned reporter would result in continued texts of complaint well into the night.

Yes, going to FamilyMart with Mr. Sato would be the least painful choice on this occasion.

After walking about half a block to the nearest FamilyMart, Mr. Sato darted into the shop and quickly emerged with his booty: a pack of cigarettes, a cup of sake, and a package of smoked cow tongue.

Normally the holy trinity of middle-aged Japanese men out for a quick evening drink, Nakano couldn’t imagine what Mr. Sato had in mind with these items.

Taking a seat on the FamilyMart bench, Mr. Sato lit up a smoke and then opened the package of tongue meat ever so slightly. He then took a sizable haul off the cigarette and proceeded to blow his exhaust into the meat container.

Nakano wanted to ask Mr. Sato what the hell he was doing, but if he had opened his mouth, vomit certainly would have started to fly. However, as Nakano stood there stunned and speechless, Mr. Sato soon volunteered his reasoning.

“You see…Aghem! [spits into a corner] Convenience store smoked food is a little bland compared to that which you would find at a restaurant or as part of a home-cooked meal. But if you inject it with some cigarette smoke, you give it that extra smoky kick it needs.

Any brand is fine, but I prefer the added flavor and health bene…Aghem…fits of additive-free American Spirits. Sometimes I like to experiment with other flavors too such as Gram for a sweet taste or some menthols for an added zing.”

Nakano continued to stare blankly while forcing the contents of his stomach back down from his throat. He gradually took steps backwards from Mr. Sato who chewed happily on his cigarette-smoke-filled cuts of tongue meat and sipped at his tangy alcohol.

Clearly we have all learned a valuable tip for visiting convenience stores in Japan today: If a strange middle-aged man says he has something amazing to show you there, don’t go.

Original article by Nakano
Photos: RocketNews24