Once again, our pseudo-interviewer Seiji harnesses the rising force of a guitar god to confront the premier party-rocker.

Our writer Seiji Nakazawa is man of many ambitions; some as humble as landing a steady girlfriend, and others as pie-in-the-sky as becoming a career musician. The later was the very dream which made him move from Osaka to Tokyo 13 years ago.

While most might say that he’s doing pretty well for himself as an online writer, that burning desire remains, so he’s been known to hijack interviews in order to give a surprise audition to his celebrity interviewee and try to get a foothold in the industry. You’d think his editors would have a problem with this, but they see the entertainment value in public humiliation and let it slide.

The latest victim was to be America’s Andrew W.K., who is touring Japan to promote his latest album, You Are Not Alone. If Seiji could impress the creator of hits such as “Party Hard,” “Party Party Party,” and “Long Live the Party,” then there certainly would be cause to have a festive time among friends.

▼ The first single from You Are Not Alone, “Ever Again”

Now all good schemes have to have lots of needlessly complex elements to it, and in Seiji’s case that is to call upon the spirit of Yngwie Malmsteen. For those unfamiliar, Malmsteen is a Swedish guitar legend dating back to the ’80s and known for his fast playing, hard living, deep lunging, and an overall persona that seemed to ooze pure rock and roll.

Seiji, on the other hand, is a humble internet writer who also enjoys normal quiet evenings with romance simulator video games, McDonald’s, and his headless mannequin.

So, when times call for a rock-star attitude, Seiji looks to his guitar hero for fashion advice and guidance. In order to conjure up the Malmsteen rising force, when Seiji waited for the train on the day of the interview with Andrew W.K., he waited like Yngwie would have waited.

And he rode the train as he imagined Yngwie would have rode it.

And he casually strutted past law enforcement the way Yngwie would have done.

▼ “Ain’t no law against rocking, babe.”

When he arrived, the Malmsteen within burned bright. He was ready.

The interview was held in a meeting room of Andrew W.K.’s Japanese label Hostess Entertainment Unlimited. The sun shone through the window and the air was still and so quiet you could hear the wall clock ticking away the seconds.

Nevertheless, Seiji was not fazed at all by the lack of rock in the air. He was fully charged with Malmsteen as he waited, intently staring out the door for Andrew to arrive and completely oblivious to how creepy he looked.

Seiji was expecting the author of “Big Party” and “It’s Time to Party” to burst through the door and come dancing into the room, but instead he just timidly popped his head in and entered like he was Andrew Wilkes-Krier from accounting.

This caught Seiji off guard, because now he looked like the crazy one. Falling back on his Japanese manners, he offered his name card to show he wasn’t just some deranged person who wandered in from the street. Andrew accepted it politely with an “Arigatou gozaimasu,” but still seemed on-guard for a sudden shoe attack.

It was time for the interview…which Seiji hadn’t prepared for at all. He had been too busy practicing his scales and Malmsteen lunges so that he could ambush Andrew W.K. with an audition.

▼ Seiji preparing for his interview

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ゲネプロ中。

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He decided to begin by asking how Andrew W.K.’s newest album was different from his previous works.

Andrew W.K.: “Right. Basically…”

Seiji: “Basically?”

Andrew W.K.: “There’s no difference.”

Seiji: “Oh, um, sorry. Not even a little?”

Andrew W.K.: “Well, really no difference in terms of – I hope – the theme, because the theme is constant. The theme is partying, so this is just another attempt at conjuring up the party power through music.”

Established rockers like Seiji and Yngwie Malmsteen generally like to experment on different albums to try and keep people interested in them. Not Andrew W.K. though – the man’s balls of brass know no tarnish as he boldly keeps on rocking like only he knows best.

Suddenly, Seiji found himself panicked. He had no other questions prepared and Andrew W.K. had taken the only one he had asked and used it to assert his own intimidating brand of no-nonsense rock.

Seiji began to lower the guitar into position as a lump swelled in his throat and his fingers felt like they were fattening five times their original size. He was suddenly reverting back to his first-grade recorder test.

Then a hand graced his shoulder. It was the spirit of Yngwie Malmsteen manifest. He didn’t say anything though. He didn’t need to, because all one needs to do is lay eyes upon Malmsteen and know…it’s time to rock.

Seiji lept up from his chair and dived into the deepest Malmsteen lunge he had ever attempted.

 Danananuuun-danananuuun

Danana-nanana-nanana-nuuuun

When the dust cleared Seiji wasn’t sure how he did, but he felt good. There was a moment while he was playing were his rock-star hair got tangled in the guitar neck, but maybe Andrew didn’t notice.

Suddenly, the seasoned rocker shouted “Wow!” and applauded.

Andrew W.K.: “First, I really admire…your ability to play…with the hair getting caught in the strings..and, um, your fingers. It didn’t stop you. And despite my unfamiliarity with that composition, I was very impressed with your playing. And I think you played the song perfectly, even though I’ve never heard the song before.”

Andrew W.K.: “And thirdly, as far as this audition to join my band…YOU GOT IT!

Seiji’s eyes lit up at the news and a smile exploded onto his face. Actually, through all the nervousness and anxiety of playing, he momentarily forgot that this was an audition to join Andrew W.K.’s band.

▼ If you ever need a picture of someone experiencing 100-percent pure unfiltered joy, here it is.

After a brief session of fist pumping, Andrew W.K. continued.

Andrew W.K.: “Now, I have to temper your excitement, um, and say that you are what we call a, um. You’re on retainer and you’re in…you’re on reserve, also known as auxiliary.”

Andrew W.K.: “And um, if every other guitar player on the face of the Earth isn’t available, then you will be called upon. And that’s better than nothing. So you’re in the band in spirit, forever. Whether you want to be or not.”

Seiji became disheartened upon hearing that he was only a reserve in the Andrew W.K. party army and not on the front lines. Still, he took comfort in Andrew’s words of being in the band in spirit.

Andrew W.K.: “I was kind of joking with that, but you did a great job and my band members and I would be lucky to count you among our ranks. So if there is ever and opening I would take you into strong consideration. Are you willing to relocate to Florida?”

Seiji, of course, said yes, and with that the negotiations were awkwardly settled. Before Andrew W.K. ran out of the room, Seiji handed him a copy of his band’s CD, and the new buds posed for a picture together.

▼ The interview and Seiji’s audition can all be seen in this video

Although, Seiji is still far from his goal of becoming a viable musician, this fake interview turned out way better than his and Yngwie’s last one. Andrew W.K. officially called him a “band member in spirit,” and Seiji would be sure use this new title as a tool in his future endeavors to break into the industry.

Traveling back to work on the subway, the Malmsteen gradually flowed out, and Seiji returned to being the mild-mannered interviewer he actually kind of isn’t. The spirit once again manifested itself and said, “Hey man, you really rocked up there today. Don’t worry though, even I was once turned down for an audition with the Scorpions and that didn’t stop me.”

“Really?!” asked a wide-eyed Seiji.

“Naw man, of course not. I’m Yngwie Malmsteen,” he replied as he faded away, “and this is just a hallucination you’re having. Hej så länge dude!”

Photos, video: ©SoraNews24
Yngwie Malmsteem image: Wikipedia/Alterna2

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