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Mike

With nothing better to do in his native Ohio, Mike took a leave of absence from all responsibilities in life and came to Japan for the first time in 2006. After several years of what amounted to an extended vacation with occasional Japanese lessons, circumstances led Mike to finally settle down in Tokyo and get serious about life in 2009. He’s worked at magazines, a Japanese ad agency, and currently works in the entertainment industry. He also co-founded and writes for the humorous Japan news website Tokyodesu.com.

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Posted by Mike (Page 19)

One thing about Super Mario that you probably had totally wrong

It doesn’t get much more iconic than Mario. The rotund plumber with a turtle-murdering blood lust is more well-known worldwide than a lot of his compatriots from supposedly less nerdy mediums than video games.

Unsurprisingly, then, most people think they have a pretty good idea of what Mario looks like, and could even describe him to you, right down to his particular sartorial choices. Obviously, he’s a squat, mustachioed man with a blue shirt and red overalls. …Or was it a red shirt and blue overalls!?

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16-bit Final Fantasy XIII story recap will make you weep big fat nerd tears

Put on your nostalgia glasses, people: Square Enix has seen fit to grace us with one of its greatest non-playable endeavors of all time with a Final Fantasy XIII story recap done up in Super Nintendo-era graphics a la Final Fantasy VI – otherwise known as Final Fantasy III or The Best JRPG Ever.

Because this video compresses hundreds of hours of gameplay and hard-earned story revelations into a little under eight minutes, we must issue the most urgent spoiler warning we’ve ever issued, so JRPG fans who have for some reason not yet played the latest Final Fantasy be warned.

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Japanese pro wrestlers become anime girls for new trading card game

Well here’s something we never thought we’d see or even imagine or think about or have any interest in.

For some reason popular Ring Dream: Girl’s Pro Wrestling Battle online trading card game, which lets players pit their anime girl wrestlers against each other for in-game prizes and bragging rights, is teaming with Japanese pro wrestling association DDT to turn some of DDT’s most popular male wrestlers into in-game characters. In-game female characters.

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Kim Jong-un allegedly orders entire extended family of executed uncle killed

Remember the good old days, when North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il was just the right combination of diminutive, bumbling and evil to make the country at once problematic yet adorable? Well, Jong-il’s son and recently-ascended heir to the North Korean throne, Kim Jong-un, seems hellbent on making sure North Koreans are the go-to Hollywood antagonists for the next 20 years’ worth of action movies, with unpredictable and combative behavior towards the international community and human rights violations far more brazen and horrific than even his notoriously unpredictable father dared.

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It’s not me, it’s you: Japanese netizens offer brilliant ways to reject unwanted date requests

Man or woman, sexy or frumpy, unwanted romantic advances and date requests are probably a serious hassle. We wouldn’t know because the last time someone asked us on a date was 1972, but we’re fairly certain if someone we didn’t like asked us out, we’d struggle to come up with a tactful rejection.

So, for those of you who are asked out with any kind of regularity, you can commit the following awesome rejection lines courtesy of Japanese Internet users to memory so you’ve always got a snappy response to let your jilted would-have-been stalker down easy.

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Your iPhone is embarrassingly bad at simple math

The Cult of Apple is so smug about the many features and perks of the iPhone that it becomes a test of will for us Android users not to snatch any iPhone we see out of the hands of its user and throw it overhand into the nearest wall.

But now we may have a new weapon in the war on Apple: basic arithmetic. Seedy Japanese Internet geek forum 2chan has apparently proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that, when it comes to the calculator function, Apple’s smartphone is as dumb as that kid in your elementary school class that ate glue all day.

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Oh boy, that’s pretty racist: Vine Japan edition

We’ve already covered extensively Twitter’s propensity for bringing out the stupid in people – both in Japan and the world at large – so we knew it was only a matter of time until users of Twitter’s video-based cousin, Vine, just couldn’t help themselves anymore and started making Vine entries to elicit the collective eye rolling of millions.

And so, taking the dubious honor of the first subject of our hopefully not ongoing new segment, “Oh Boy, That’s Pretty Racist,” is Japanese Vine user Indodeen, who demonstrates for us how to have fun with blatant racial stereotypes by pretending to be a poorly-acclimated Indian man living in Japan.

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Ignore the name, Kitchen Dive’s bento are cheap and delicious!

There are only three reasons one could possibly fathom going to any establishment that’s known in American English as a “dive”: Cheap beer, cheap beer, and greasy burgers.

Now apparently you can add a fourth reason: Cheap, delicious bento lunch boxes, thanks to whispered-about bento  shop, Kitchen Dive. With just a handful of locations around Tokyo, we’d never actually seen one in the flesh before and almost thought they were some apocryphal legend; some cruel prank older, wiser salarymen were playing on the newbies, maybe (“Oh yeah, there’s a shop selling 200 yen bento. Right around the corner. Caaaan’t miss it.”).

Finally, we spotted an honest-to-goodness, 24-hour Kitchen Dive in the unassuming Kameido area of Tokyo and the 100 yen coins in our pockets practically flew out of their own accord.

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Professional cosplayer turns talents on 54-year-old mother, awesomeness ensues

Since you’re reading our kinda geeky site about Japanese and Asian news and pop culture, we think it’s safe to assume you agree with us that cosplay is pretty cool and fun to look at, but it’s also natural to be slightly dubious that cosplaying could ever amount to anything more than an extremely expensive hobby or very crappy contract work.

Well, it turns out we were all wrong, and we were jerks to underestimate cosplay in the first place. The more time you spend in the cosplay world, the more you end up developing talents in a range of fields, including fashion design, cosmetics, lighting engineering and even photography, as the Internet learned when a Japanese cosplayer with just four years’ experience in the hobby gave her 54-year-old mom a full cosplay makeover and photo shoot.

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Biker gang crashes Coming of Age Ceremony in real life anime moment

The Coming of Age Ceremony is the Japanese celebration that officially marks the passing into adulthood of all boys and girls that turned 20 the previous year. It’s normally steeped in tradition and – unlike some other countries’ coming of age rituals where kids put their hands in fire ant mounds or drink 15 beergaritas or whatever – it’s generally a pretty subdued affair until the youngsters-only after-party.

But one Setagaya Ward Coming of Age Ceremony saw things get pretty rowdy this year when a gang of bikers – called bosozoku – decided to crash the party. Bosozoku (literally, “wild running clan”) are groups of teens and 20-somethings that share a love of impractically kitted-out motorcycles, breaking traffic laws and all-around crude behavior.

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Fishermen (illegally) save endangered Japanese fish species

In a somewhat complicated story we’re not sure is heartwarming or kind of devastating, three middle-aged Tokyo fishermen have accomplished what experts thought was impossible by single (triple?)-handedly bringing an area fish species back from the brink of extinction by illegally catching them.

The three men, according to their accounts, caught the fish and, upon learning that they were on the endangered species list, contacted experts and aquariums for advice on breeding them – either for the sake of fishkind or for the sake of tons of delicious illicit fish meat.

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Pop quiz, guys: Your girlfriend approaches you and says she’ll wear whatever panties you tell her to, and she won’t even get mad if you choose the ones that reveal too much or make her look fat. What do you do? Go for the safe, hip-level sailor stripes? How about the slightly creepy but non-offensive teddy bear print? Go for broke and tell her to go commando?

This is the kind of question men of the Internet apparently pore over, because this image with the above question popped up on a Japanese Internet forum recently.

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Japan’s unfaithful women share tips on how to cheat without getting caught

Here’s a shocking fact: Despite decades of gender stereotypes insisting that men are disgusting pigs that would gladly hump anything without too much back hair even if they’re already in a relationship, recent studies suggest women are cheating about as much as men (presumably also provided there’s not too much back hair).

One reason for the persistent stereotype may be that women are just a bit smarter and better at hiding their affairs than men are. While a cheating man is liable to show up to his SO’s house with a pair of panties on his head, cheating women are apparently much more discreet, a Japanese survey of 50 unfaithful women reveals. The Niconico News survey also offers a few tips for girls who are currently cheating or who may be considering a little love on the side in the future:

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We try McDonald’s Japan’s new “Classic Fries with Cheese”

When McDonald’s Japan announced recently a rolling set of new menu items based on supposedly classic American recipes, the majority of the Internet – recalling how awesome the Big America series was – collectively foodgasmed in anticipation.

Unfortunately, now that the first items are finally here, consumer reviews have viciously skewered the new “Classic Fries with Cheese,” with comments ranging from, “This is unpleasant” to “This tastes like sloth pee.” Questions of how some Netizens know what sloth pee tastes like aside, it’s safe to conclude opinions are widely divided. So, of course, fast food connoisseurs that we are, we had to try the item for ourselves and throw our hat into the public debate ring.

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Festive bikini-clad volunteer randomly giving directions in Chinese subway

If you’ve ever found yourself lost in one of Asia’s complex subway systems, you’re not alone. Since underground rail is the preferred form of transportation in many of Asia’s sprawling cities with hundreds of stops, subway maps, even those printed on the back of your necktie, tend to look like the aftermath of an infant feeding itself a plate of spaghetti unsupervised, and can easily confound locals too.

So it’s good news that a newscaster in Guangdong Province, China – whose dresser apparently teleports all of her normal clothes to Narnia – has decided to help commuters navigate the area’s labyrinthine subway system on a strictly volunteer basis.

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Dark Souls Cafe opens to fans of punishing game series

After a month or so of breathless preview coverage, the brand new Dark Souls Cafe, based on the award-winning, but notoriously difficult, From Software action game is finally open for business.

The new cafe channels the next game in the series, Dark Souls 2, which is slated for a March 13 release in Japan.

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This is what happens when you order ramen with “200 times” the regular spiciness

Ramen is a popular comfort food in Japan because, unlike many Japanese foods, there’s very little formality in eating it, it’s not especially good for you and therefore tastes wonderful, and you’re generally free to customize to your heart’s content, choosing a broth of your liking and then heaping on the toppings until you can barely see the noodles if you so desire.

Spicy ramen varieties aren’t uncommon, either, with many popular chains such as Ichiran offering customizable spiciness levels from one to ten. Of course, if you’re the right combination of bored, crazy and rich, you can pay extra to exceed the tenth level of spiciness; right on up to 200 times normal.

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Mind-blowing customized PC impossible to use, beautiful to behold

In modding communities of all kinds, there has always been the age-old debate of whether form or function carries more importance. There are plenty of car enthusiasts, for example, who are happy to mod their ride with dozens of cosmetic upgrades that do nothing for performance.

PC modder and artist Hirohito Ikeuchi is happy, apparently, to ignore function altogether, as this steampunk military-themed customized PC proves. The attention to detail in the modded PC is astounding, with life-like figures in fighting poses among steampunk mechs, tanks and even palm trees.

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Nullify your New Year’s weight loss resolution with Year of the Horse roll cake

In Japan, 2014 will be another “Horse Year” on the Japanese zodiac calendar. Last year, Japan celebrated the snake, which is said to bring wisdom and good monetary fortune to businesses. The horse, however, brings leadership, good business partnerships, and instant failure to all weight loss resolutions in the form of this adorable customized roll cake from Tokyo’s renowned Rihga Royal Hotel.

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As Comiket approaches, convention center convenience stores prepare for war

Twice a year, Japanese amateur manga convention, Comiket, rolls through town, bringing in its tow an apocalyptic nerd storm of cosplayers, manga enthusiasts and rare comic and figure hunters. If stereotypes are to be believed, this means that twice a year, instant ramen, energy drinks, curry and soda consumption spike considerably.

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