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New Japanese biking laws say no more earphones in ears…but what about other orifices?

A few days ago, we brought you a list of 14 things never to do on a bicycle in Japan in light of new cycling traffic laws that went into effect on June 1. Of course, the new, stricter laws are intended to promote bicycle safety and reduce accidents, but they mean a lot of cyclists in Japan are going to have to give up on some of their old bad habits, like riding while listening to music.

There’s a little speculation that riding with headphones in but no music on, and riding with just one earpiece in (although that sounds to us like a recipe for disaster when the other dangling earbud inevitably gets caught in your spokes) are probably not going to get you jail time or anything, but we like to play it safe here at RocketNews24, at least until happy hour rolls around.

So, when one of our Japanese writers – a noted music lover – was pondering other ways to get his music fix while commuting by bike, he stumbled on what seemed like an easy solution: If the law says you can’t ride with earbuds in your ears, well, just shove those suckers right up your schnoz. It’s so simple it just has to work!

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While being an anime or manga artist takes a huge amount of artistic talent, they do at least have the advantage of complete control over the mediums in which they work. Making one person taller than another is just a matter of drawing longer lines. Want more people in a crowd scene? Just pencil them in. In a 2-D world, everything, even laws of physics like gravity, exists at, and can be bent to the whims of, the creator.

Cosplayers don’t have it so easy, though, and trying to recreate their favorite characters and scenes under real-world constraints can be a tricky task. These clever costumers have figured out some simple yet ingenious techniques for getting around those obstacles, though, and another behind-the-scenes peek at how they put their shots together reveals that sometimes an awesome final product only comes after some pretty silly-looking cosplay setup.

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Mr. Sato went to Ganguro Cafe and discovered his beautiful inner gyaru 【Pics】

As you probably know, our ace reporter Mr. Sato has his own special way of doing things. Rather than just going to check out a popular speedy steak-cooking restaurant, he instead cooks the steak himself and shoves it in people’s faces. Rather than just buying some butter, he straps a bottle of cream to a helmet and goes around a track in a racecar, getting the g-forces to churn it for him.

So when he heard about the ganguro dress-up and makeup cafe Black Diamond in Shibuya, he couldn’t just write a quick review of the place and be done with it; he had to become one with the cafe and its staff. This is the story of how Mr. Sato became a fashionable gyaru for a day, and we have the glorious pictures to prove it.

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For many who grew up watching western cartoons on TV, their first experience with anime can make the world of Japanese animation seem impossibly dynamic and artistic. But while anime usually boasts more complex designs, varied perspectives, and generally more polished visuals than its western counterpart, it’s not like Japanese animation is a purely artistic endeavor. As with any other commercial product, the final quality of the project is limited by time and budget constraints.

In other words, sometimes mistakes turn up in the art, like this subtle yet chilling gaffe one Prince of Tennis fan spotted.

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There are only so many hours in a day, which means all the time you devote to listening to Japanese girls’ rock bands or learning a half-dozen ways to says “breasts” in Japanese means less time for soaking up mainstream American pop culture. As a result, I’ve got some pretty big gaps in my Hollywood movie-watching history, but at least I know their basic plots because they’ve been talked about and referenced elsewhere so much.

For example, I know Titanic is about an elderly woman fondly remembering some dude she hooked up with on a cruise 70 years ago, who was apparently so good in the sack that she has no time on her deathbed to remember her children or the man who fathered them. Forest Gump is about remarkably patient bus travelers who are willing to listen to the life story a complete stranger because of his vague promises of giving them chocolate at some point.

And Toy Story, as I can infer from these Tokyo Disneyland photos, is about how a humble cowboy and abrasive astronaut learn to overcome their differences and become pals when one gives the other a hand job, right?

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Godzilla gets official Tokyo residency papers, copies being given out free to fans

You could make a long list about all the ways Japan is uniquely awesome (and as a matter of fact, we just did), but it’s not like every aspect of life in Japan is more enjoyable than in other countries. For example, taking care of paperwork at city hall or other government facilities is as boring as it is anywhere else in the world.

So why is it that this week people have been voluntarily visiting the Shinjuku ward office in the heart of Tokyo? Because they want to get a copy of the official residency document of the district’s newest resident, Godzilla!

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Century-old cosplay photo exists for a reason as bizarre as its dog vs. monkey sumo match

With the rise of otaku culture Japan is in its golden age of anime events, which means that cosplay is bigger than ever. But it turns out that even before there were Internet forums, prop suppliers, and even dedicated themed cosplay photo studio complexes, people in Japan were dressing up in fantasy costumes and posing for the camera.

As a matter of fact, this photo from more than a century ago shows that the roots of cosplay predate Japanese animation itself. But with no anime conventions or social media outlets through which to show off their outfits, why did this group bother? Suffice to say the reason for this photo shoot is about as unexpected as the costumed scene itself: a giant monkey about to sumo wrestle a biped dog.

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Panties return to Japanese vending machines, but this time as pervy coasters for plastic bottles

Japan’s used panty vending machines are sort of like the white whale in Moby-Dick, even though a completely pure-white color would be a sign of inauthenticity in their merchandise. For decades, the obsessed have been combing Japan for them, but the fact that the scandalous machines were outlawed years ago means that while you can go home from a shadey back-alley vending machine bank with ramen in your belly, you won’t have a schoolgirl’s panties in your pocket.

On rare occasions, though, you can find vending machines that sell new undies. And while they’re definitely a niche product, there’s a new player in the market that’s satisfying customers with its cute little panties, thanks to the fact that they’re extra absorbent and also coaster substitutes.

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7-Eleven store manager writes the most sincere, desperate job ad we’ve ever seen

If you are unemployed and living in Japan, we may have found a perfect job for you. No experience is necessary, it’s a pretty safe gig and you won’t have to do anything too difficult. You will, however, be a savior, a hero, and a knight in shining armor for one overworked, stressed-out, and understaffed, 7-Eleven store manager in Tokyo.

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How hentai are YOU? Find out with this Japanese personality test!

This Japanese personality test, which is doing the rounds on Twitter this week, claims to reveal the inner workings of your subconscious by putting you in an impossible situation and asking you to choose between four equally unpleasant options.

We’re not making any claims about the accuracy of this test, but we do think it’s pretty hilarious. Join us after the jump to find out how big a pervert you are.

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Robot sumo wrestlers fire laser blasts in crazy, free-to-play horse racing browser game

Aside from having particularly large members of the animal kingdom as their stars, sumo wrestling and horse racing don’t have a whole lot in common. But the sport of kings and the sport of heavy, scantily clad men are teaming up in a cross-promotion that’s bizarre even by the standards of Japanese marketing, with Japan Sumo Derby, a free-to-play browser game filled with sumo wrestlers riding famous Japanese race horses.

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Never miss an important call again at the office with our bra lifehack!

For those of us working in high-tech societies, connection and communication can be as valuable as any resource. A single missed call can turn into a missed business chance, so making sure you can be reached no matter how furiously you’re typing is important. But at the office, no one wants to be that jerk that just leaves their ringer on. And it’s pretty easy to miss a call with just vibration mode.

However, the writers for the Japanese-language side of RocketNews24 may have come up with a solution for you. All you need to do is keep your phone in range of view while you’re using the computer. There are, obviously, a number of ways to do this, but our writer P.K. thinks he’s found the best way: With a bra!

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Considering how much easier it is to get a dogs to play Fetch than cats, you might assume that a pet pooch gives you more ample opportunities to play together than a kitty companion. However, as one Japanese Twitter user has reminded us, there’s one game, or maybe we should call it a competitive sport, that any cat would be thrilled to play with its owner.

Similar to Fetch, it requires a stick to play. Well, actually two sticks, plus just one other item.

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Our writers show you how to have the most fun at the new Hooters in Tokyo 【Pics】

Spring is a time for new beginnings as well as a great time to open new shops and businesses, and people are eager to escape from their apartments where they spent most of the winter season. Luckily, there are plenty of grand openings everywhere you turn this time of year, which is why our intrepid writers were met with a 100-plus-person line at the new Hooters location near the West Entrance of Tokyo’s Shinjuku Station on May 18.

They couldn’t make it into the restaurant on opening day, so they decided to go back the next day, with a twist! What better way to enjoy the newest Hooters restaurant in Japan than by cosplaying the Hooters costume?

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“Solid Sato” sneaks into Starbucks under cover of cardboard box, Metal Gear-style 【VIDEO】

Our resident oddball writer Mr. Sato loves his coffee, so much so that he finds it impossible to pass by a Starbucks without stopping in for a quick coffee break. The only problem is that he tends to favour “girly” drinks like frappuccinos, and lives in fear of being spotted by friends and acquaintances enjoying one.

The solution? Sneak into Starbucks underneath a cardboard box, Solid Snake-style, and see if the baristas will serve coffee to a cardboard box. Check out our video to see how he did!

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Gotta deep-fry ‘em all! Pikachu cutlet on a stick being sold by Korean food stalls, online shop

There’s a balancing act involved in creating snack foods in the image of a beloved children’s character. Take too few cues from the original design, and your customers won’t be able to recognize the character, thereby missing out on all the fun. On the other hand, go too far in the opposite direction and you end up with something like these cutlets from Korea, which make it look like you’re literally eating the flesh of Pikachu.

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Starbucks comes to Tottori, local coffee chain’s poster compares it to Perry arriving in Japan

With Starbucks having won the loyalty of so many customers in so many countries, sometimes it seems like the Seattle-based coffee giant has a location in every corner of the world. There’s still at least one place that’s Starbucks-free, though, and that’s Tottori, the last prefecture in Japan without a branch of its own.

The situation is about to change, though, as Starbucks is set to open its first Tottori location this week. Local coffeehouse chain Sunaba Coffee, whose name is almost an exact copy of Starbucks’ Japanese nickname, is bracing for the impact of its new competitor by guaranteeing its product tastes just as good as Starbucks’, while making the humble request that customers get one out of every three coffee fixes at Sunaba.

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Last Week Tonight tackles Japan’s mascot craze and the results are glorious【Video】

Emerging from the cocoon that was The Daily Show, John Oliver has carved out a brilliant spot for himself with his own talk show Last Week Tonight. He has produced some amazing pieces on net neutrality, Edward Snowden, the Miss America Pageant and the NCAA. Viewers tune in each week to find out what subject close to their hearts is being roasted or promoted on HBO. Japan has gotten a couple of mentions on the show before, but this past week brought the insanity that is Japanese mascots to the attention of his viewers. Surely Japan’s mastery of the subject can teach the rest of the world something.

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28 realities of being a 30-year-old Japanese man who constantly pees himself

Oh the realities of getting older. One minute you’re feeling fine, the next you’re shopping for adult diapers. It’s a fact of life that transcends language, culture, and bladders all over the world.

Yoshio, one of our RocketNews24 Japanese-side writers, has recently joined the ranks of the incontinently impaired himself. To celebrate his newfound misery, he composed a 28-part list describing a typical day in his new, significantly wetter life.

Take a read and commiserate along with him, or see what you have to look forward to when parts of your own body start turning against you.

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Japanese mom teaches nine-year-old son the horrors of the internet, posts the hilarious results

Parenting in the internet age is a whole lot more difficult than it was before our world was taken over by machines. Back then, the scariest conversation you had to have with your kids was about the birds and the bees, but now it’s the birds and the bees and the creepy old guy pretending to be a high school girl in an online chatroom.

One Japanese mom posted the conversations on Twitter that she’s recently had to have with her nine-year-old son, and they’ve been getting a lot of attention online. Read them for yourself and you’ll crack up over both how true and how hilarious they are.

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