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We put the internet’s “techniques for emptying your bladder with morning wood” to the test

Ladies, you might want to cover your eyes for this one, ’cause this piece is going to get a little, um… messy.

Guys know all too well how awkward it can be to wake up with what is not-so-delicately referred to as “morning wood;” That is, a big honkin’ erection first thing in the morning for no apparent reason. Now, if you’re getting your standard eight hours of sleep, odds are – man or woman – you’re also going to have an urge to pee, but morning wood complicates this significantly: How on earth do you empty your bladder while pitching an underpants tent?

A series of hilarious diagrams outlining the possible methods a man may use to tackle this situation recently appeared online. The Japanese arm of our site thought these were frankly the best thing ever, but wondered whether they could really be applied to real life, so with a willing model and a camera, headed into the bathroom to give the poses – from “the Lunge” to “the Superman” – a try.

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Japan’s cat food restaurant is back!

In celebration of Cat Day on February 22, Nestle Purina created a cat food-themed dining experience inspired by their popular “luxury cat food,” Mon Petit. Diners were treated to a full course set meal with items that resemble the snacks you’d feed to your beloved pet. With feline waiters and plenty of kitty products, the bizarre restaurant actually turned out to be a huge success. But since it was only around for a total of four days, many cat lovers and adventurous eaters were left without a chance to dine like an animal, so Restaurant Mon Petit is now back in Tokyo for an entire month.

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Top Asian delicacies that many consider kind of gross

One of the top tourism draws around much of Asia is all the adventurous eating. East Asian countries in particular all seem to have a plethora of extreme foods that you’d never be able to get back home. These dishes run the gamut from super spicy to super sweet, may have gooey but oddly pleasant textures, or may come from some animal you’ve never heard of.

Most of the time, while exotic and possibly a little off-putting in appearance, these quirky dishes taste great. But then there are other so-called “delicacies” that a lot of locals won’t even go near, let alone doe-eyed tourists. So put down that burrito; you won’t be needing (or wanting) it, because here’s a list of stomach-churning delicacies from around East Asia:

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Korean “Let it Go” parody is hilariously perfect

“Let it go,” the most popular song from the smash-hit Frozen, is loved not only in the movie’s country of origin, but all over the world. We’ve already seen how beautiful the song is in Japanese, now let’s take a look at the song as performed on a Korean variety show. This version is impressive, not for the vocal performance, but for how they recreated the scenes from the movie in a television studio, including Elsa conjuring snow out of thin air and her icy quick change. Watch and prepare to laugh at how perfect yet completely ridiculous this new take on a soon-to-be classic is.

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Assassination Classroom apologizes for printing error on characters’ bra sizes

Anything that gets published is prone to typos at any stage of the process, and manga is no exception. From using the wrong kanji to misprinting page numbers, any number of mistakes can happen. Readers haven’t always proved to be understanding of these, but when it comes to a matter very dear to many hearts — bra sizes — errors can be especially unforgivable.

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19 movie posters seen through the eyes of Japan, from “Malkovich’s Hole” to “Captain Supermarket”

As we’ve seen before, with many international releases the names of films can sometimes be vastly different from the original. The changes are made for a variety of reasons due to language, culture, or style. This begs the question: How much of an impact do these title changes make on the people who see them?

Just for fun, we took 19 movies from other countries that have had their names changed for Japanese audiences, translated them back to English and put them in their original posters.

So join us after the jump for such gems as Academy Award-nominated Nairobi Bees, Love is Deja Vu with Bill Murray, and cult classic Captain Supermarket. What, never heard of them!?

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NHK TV worker woken by earthquake, gives viewers a show by accident

As you already know, the third anniversary of the 3/11 Tohoku disaster was remembered this week through a variety of activities, including a fundraiser by Yahoo! Japan which saw the company donating roughly $250,000 to charity. The anniversary was also marked by a powerful earthquake off the coast of Kyushu at around 2 am on March 12, injuring about 14 people and wrecking havoc on innocent anime figures.

It also brought grins to all of the NHK viewers and Twitter users who happened to catch the public broadcaster’s footage of a confused-looking man running around an office in his underwear!

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Osaka medical association warns against angering the gods through marijuana use

Drugs are bad, mkay. We know this. But apparently someone at the Osaka Pharmaceutical Association felt that the message would be better delivered by two shirtless men made up to look like (we think) Jesus Christ and Buddha…

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Yes, of course Sailor Moon dog cosplay exists in Japan 【Photos & Video】

Japan loves anime. Japan loves cosplay. It also likes tiny little dogs. So it was probably only a matter of time until someone decided to dedicate an entire blog to photos of, you guessed it, tiny cosplaying dogs. And not just any cosplay either; Sailor Moon cosplay.

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Man gives up on life and travels 1,000 miles on stolen bikes, incredible journey ends with his arrest

Sometimes when life gets you down, you just want to get away. Run, bike, drive; whatever it takes to get out of the current situation and into a happier state. That’s exactly how one middle-aged man from Chiba Prefecture was feeling when he decided to leave his failing business and begin a nomadic life traveling across Japan. However, his sudden and deliberate flee spanning over an astonishing 1,600 km (nearly 1,000 miles) ended in his arrest five months after it began because of the man’s poor choice in transportation – stolen bikes.

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Japan Self-Defense Forces get a fan club, for some reason

The Japan Self-Defense Forces, or JSDF for short, are basically the Japanese military and includes naval, infantry, and aerial branches. Though the Japanese constitution officially forbids the JSDF from acting aggressively and sees them rather as an “extension of the police” than a proper military, the Japanese budget for the JSDF is the fifth largest military budget in the world.

And now they have their own fan club, which was recently announced along with an accompanying website!

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Bizarre deep-sea shrimp or delicious sushi? Japanese netizens weigh in

Strange, almost otherwordly creatures have been discovered in the depths of the world’s oceans. But none have ever made someone immediately scream, “I wanna eat it!” That is until now.

Currently the topic of discussion on forums across Japan, this deep-sea shrimp-like crustacean seems to remind many netizens of nigiri sushi.

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North Korea launches missiles into Japan Sea because it’s just that time again

We’re used to seeing a lot of unbelievable-sounding coverage concerning the Cobra-style antics of North Korea’s totalitarian dictatorship. But the country’s tightly-closed borders make many reports difficult to verify, so a lot of patently false stories end up circulating through legitimate outlets. This means that, sadly, what you’ve read about North Korea putting a man on the sun and finding a unicorn lair are less than legit.

Some stories, however, are frighteningly real: Like the one about Pyongyang launching a series of Scud missiles over the Japan Sea recently as a show of military might.

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Homegrown mushrooms or demonic monstrosities? Maybe both!

Mushrooms are quite popular in Japan, where they have both bizarrely sexual commercials and giant bizarrely (not-quite) sexual plushies. You are also sure to find plump, white fungi in many dishes, and mushroom hunting is enjoyed by many of the country’s citizens every year

For the average person, though, mushrooms come from the store–not a mountain side. But if you’re feeling a tiny bit adventurous, you could always try growing the ‘shrooms in your kitchen, using a cheap “mushroom cultivation kit.” Just be careful not to fertilize your little fungi with the souls of the damned, as these Twitter users apparently did!

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Man claiming he thought amphetamines were legal obviously gets arrested

Police have arrested a Hiroshima man after it became clear that he had injected himself with a drug he claimed to have thought perfectly legal. So assured in his convictions that the drug was legit, the man supposedly approached police of his own accord because he “felt strange” upon taking it and wanted them to determine what was causing it.

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Man steals ~$130,000 alligator coat by putting it on and walking out of Hong Kong store

An unidentified Chinese man in his thirties or forties stole an alligator coat valued at approximately $128,000 from a Hong Kong Burberry store by putting it on and just walking out the front door on Wednesday, authorities told South China Morning Post.

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Man jumps into tiger enclosure in China and asks to be eaten

On February 16, horrified onlookers watched as a Chinese man jumped into a bengal tiger enclosure at Chengdu Zoo in Sichuan province, south-west China. The man taunted the two tigers for twenty minutes, offering his flesh to them and asking to be eaten.

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Local residents in China sell cartop snowmen to tourists

Making a snowman is one of the simple pleasures of winter (or a really great way to cope with the freezing cold). But would you ever buy a snowman that someone else has made? Several visitors to one city in China have and more are sure to follow.

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Young man collapses a lung from yawning too hard, and so can you

It’s a Monday and you might find yourself struggling to get back into work mode from the weekend. Sitting in your workspace you feel the urge to stretch your mouth into a satisfying yawn.

If you happen to be a tall thin man in young adulthood, STOP! That innocent little stretch might turn into something much more painful and kind of gross. Such and incident happened to a 26-year-old Chinese man last month.

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Oni-kyan wheel alignment: How to drift like the pros and baffle the spectators

Motorsports have been around for as long as people have had vehicles. If it’s got an engine and wheels, we guarantee someone somewhere will try to race it. And there aren’t many counties that love their motorsports as much as Japan–especially the mystical, magical art of drifting!

While other places may have longer or faster races, Japan is definitely one of the best places in the world to catch cars sliding through corners almost as if they were on an ice rink. And, while a talented driver could probably get nearly any car to drift, racers often use cars modified for maximum drifting, including things like negative camber, a type of wheel alignment. But one Celica owned by Japanese motor-enthusiast Kawashima has been capturing people’s attention both in Japan and overseas thanks its mind-bending, extreme wheel alignment.

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