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Master Blaster

Writer / Translator

Master Blaster is the two-man translating team of Canada’s Steven Le Blanc and Japan’s Masami M, a pair who in addition to writing work are in English education and created the StudyNow app for Japanese students of English.

Together they have written somewhere around 1,500 articles for RocketNews24 covering such diverse topics as Chinese men selling sanitary napkins to each other and a Japanese guy dragging an ear of corn around the Tokyo train system. A few of these were actually good, but don’t take our word for it! Here’s what our beloved readers had to say:

“One isn't always in the mood for bold tastes. But when I'm in the mood for bold flavor I turn to you.”
“Stupid article. Who cares what the Japanese think it's cool. You don't call a monkey, "gorilla".”
“You know, this is about the most cogent explanation of how a turbocharger works that I have ever seen in the non-motorsports world.”
“Thanks for the article peter!”
“It's people like you who make exploitation possible.”
“It looks yummy and the story was great. Thank you for the smile.”

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Posted by Master Blaster (Page 134)

Yo-Kai Watches selling out everywhere, resourceful kids and parents make their own instead

Japan doesn’t have the hectic Christmas shopping season of adults head-locking and price-gouging each other for the season’s hot toy. Still, every once in a while an item gets so huge that a sudden rush can break out at any time of the year.

This time it’s Yo-Kai Watches from the manga/game/anime series Yo-Kai Watch that are flying off the shelves. These watches don’t tell time unless it just happens to be 2:53 when you look at them, but that isn’t stopping people from lining up by the hundreds and shops from charging exorbitant prices for one. However, when the going gets tough, the tough get creative and fashion their own Yo-Kai Watches out of whatever is available.

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Hello Kitty producers appear to be losing touch with reality

For around four decades Sanrio has been pumping out character merchandise at an increasing rate. Headlined by Japanese kawaii icon Hello Kitty, they boast hundreds of characters, some of which thrive and others that just kind of hang around.

Indeed, the company has never faltered in their mission to continuously create cuteness for our amusement and expendable cash. However, to do so must require long hours at the drawing table penciling in adorable black pupils in just the right proportion to fit the squishiest round face you ever gosh darned seen.

In doing so they seemed to have forgotten what an actual human head looks like adrift in their ocean of chubby puppies and fruit-eared kitties. That has to be the only reason to explain this cardboard cutout posted on Twitter recently in which no person’s face could possibly fit properly.

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Finally guys can get the support they need at night with the Floral Goodnight Bra

Men’s undergarments that were traditionally used by women such as bras shouldn’t be shocking news if you’re a regular reader of this site. However, there appear to be many still surprised by them according to the recent popularity of the Frills & Ribbons Men’s T-Back Shorts on Twitter in Japan.

While we were looking into this particular pair of trending lacy lavender thongs with ribbons for guys, we found something even better. It’s called the Floral Goodnight Bra (Kahei Oyasumi Bra) and gives men the much-needed support as they sleep resulting round-the-clock chest protection.

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Yamaha releases engine-to-Japanese translation app, we peer into the minds of celebrity cars

Translation apps are very popular for people visiting foreign lands. With only internet access and a tap of the finger you can convey “I swallowed a june bug” in any number of languages like Spanish (Me tragué un error junio) and Hatian Creole (Mwen vale yon ensèk mwa Jen). I’m pretty sure those are both wrong, but still better than I could do by myself with no knowledge of either language.

Now Yamaha has brought the translation app beyond the boundaries of humanity and into the realm of the machine with their engine revving translation app, RevTranslator. As the name suggests, this app will listen to an engine and deliver its message in Japanese.

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Kyoto man arrested after calling victim to apologize for assault

On 4 June at around 11pm bridal store employee, Eisuke Himoto, allegedly approached a 30-year-old woman on her way home from her part-time job. According to police, he called out to her asking, “Why don’t we get a drink?” to which the woman tried to run away.

Most men at this point would consider attempted escape as a sign that a woman is not into them. Himoto, on the other hand, allegedly felt this had become the perfect opportunity to begin hugging and kissing the woman from behind.

Luckily, Himoto’s same utter lack of judgment would eventually lead to his speedy arrest shortly after.

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Women’s sumo: slightly less traditional, but maybe even more fun than the original

Although Japan has several martial arts that could claim to be national sports, few are quite as distinctive as sumo. With its massive yet lightning-fast athletes who must live a strict and traditional lifestyle, sumo continues to be an attractive sport to watch.

However, how many people out there knew that there is also a women’s sumo federation? Almost certainly not as many as there ought to be, because women’s sumo is entertaining on a few different levels, as we’re about to see in this video from the 1st International Women’s Sumo Tournament.

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Wakayama man arrested for attaching underwear to cars of women he doesn’t know

It tends to be the smaller crimes that are the most baffling to understand. Fraud, murder, or theft all tend to come about from a certain human ambition for money or power. However, when a bunch of daikons go missing, how could you possibly deduce it was a middle school girl who enjoys the sounds of the radishes getting run over by cars?

In the same vein we have one arrest in Wakayama Prefecture in which a man stands accused of violating the obscene behavior clause of the prefecture’s nuisance prevention order. So, slap on your detective caps and have fun trying to come up with a motive for the case of “The Guy Who Stuck Women’s Underwear to Unknown Women’s Cars.”

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Jerome Le Banner walks old lady across the street even though it would’ve been easier to toss her

Jerome Le Banner is one of K-1’s most prominent fighters. The 190cm (6’3″) and 120kg (265lbs) mountain of muscle is intimidating looking to say the least. With nicknames such as Hyper Battle Cyborg, you might expect him to pump ice water through his veins as he knocks out opponents in pursuit of numerous kickboxing titles.

However, while training in Japan the fighter recently won the hearts of Japanese people everywhere when he showed great compassion by tenderly holding the hand of an elderly woman as he helped her cross the road.

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Chinese man pulls off best Cthulhu impersonation ever with live snakes in his sinuses

Liu Yuanfei is a Chinese man in his 50s. If he was your neighbor, you might be surprised enough at how young he looks for his age. However, he has an even more shocking talent that in spite of his youthful looks makes you wonder how he managed to live even this long.

Liu Yuanfei also goes by the name “Shewang” or Snake King due to his unnerving ability to “become one” with snakes by allowing them to slither through his various orifices. Be warned: the following video is not recommended for those squeamish about snakes, and especially for those uncomfortable with the idea of snakes crawling up your nose and out of your mouth…

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Darth Vader to Japanese dictionary released, selling like Tusken bread

In Japan, learning English is a valuable tool in the business world. Being able to negotiate deals and win customers overseas would make you an attractive asset to any corporation. To truly get ahead, however, you’re going to want to speak like a titan of industry, and there’s perhaps no better titan to emulate than Darth Vader.

No one has ever moved up the corporate ladder faster, and talk about falling upwards! Darth Vader fell limbless into a pit of lava and landed right in a cushy gig as Lord of the Galactic Empire. Clearly this is a guy who gets what he wants.

Now Japanese and English learners can acquire his galaxy controlling gift of gab with the new Star Wars dictionary and phrase book. Let’s take a look at some sample pages.

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Not getting enough attention with your iPhone? Stick a couple of Iwashitas on it

With the plethora of iPhone cases available, it’s hard to get a truly unique one. Sure you could get one bearing your favorite anime character or sports team’s logo, but those are a dime a dozen and wouldn’t stand out for a second. No, if you want to truly be an individual, you need to slap on this iPhone case produced through the cooperation of smartphone accessory maker Hamee and pickled ginger producer Iwashita’s New Ginger. We guarantee you’ll turn more than a few heads with a 5-inch rod of ginger stuck to the back of your iPhone 5 or 5s.

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We apply to appear in new Yakuza game, still waiting to hear back from Sega

Since it first began on the PlayStation 2 in 2005, the violent action-adventure series Yakuza (Ryu ga Gotoku in Japan) has sold 6.5 million copies around the world. With a new edition of the series in the works, Sega is holding auditions for men who would like to appear in it.

Thinking this would be a great way to promote our humble website, we assembled a team of our manliest men to try out. It’s undoubtedly going to be tough, but to help increase our chances we sent each reporter to audition for a different character.

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If an onigiri and a cheeseburger had a baby, it’d be a Bakudan Musubi

One of Japan’s most loved snack foods has got to be onigiri. Both a staple of mom’s home cooking and convenience store cuisine, these little balls of rice wrapped in seaweed come in enough flavors and styles to satisfy everyone. They’re even so delicious they have driven some people to armed robbery.

Personally during these summer months these rice balls are especially satisfying. They’re good because in this intense heat it can be hard to stomach greasier fare like cheeseburgers.

However, now Circle K Sunkus stores have stocked themselves with a Bakudan Musubi Bacon Cheese Hamburg (Pepper Mayo Included). Containing everything in the title and then some, I didn’t hesitate to grab one of these curiosities and try it out.

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Tohoku University evicts entire dormitory for rampant drinking, is a zany 80s comedy just waiting to happen

On 15 July, Tohoku University sent eviction notices to all 105 residents of Meizenryo, a student-governed dormitory in Sendai. The school claims that the students violated their “promise to abstain from alcohol.”

Although asking a building full of college students not to drink is like asking a building full of tigers not to scratch the furniture, the school is taking a hardline stance of incredulousness at their behavior. Nevertheless, students are appealing saying that not everyone in the dorm drinks and some should be allowed to stay.

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Kids’ Hello Kitty Dictionary is surprisingly gritty

Hello Kitty’s reach of product endorsements spreads far and wide like so many whiskers from her pillowy white face. From contact lenses to passenger planes to melons, her adorable ribbon can be seen on everything, so a Hello Kitty Dictionary is hardly a shock.

What is shocking, however, is how encompassing this dictionary is including terms from the darker corners of human existence. It could be a good thing though as learning about forms of mob lynching is perhaps best done through the gentle cupcake decorated words of Hello Kitty.

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International survey finds that 90% are open to a romantic encounter with a Korean partner

Earlier this year South Korea’s largest matchmaking company decided to look abroad and ask the people of countries in North America, Europe, and Southeast Asia about their romantic feelings towards Koreans.

The results, which were reported on 22 July, were certainly something to put a spring in the steps of the people of South Korea. A whopping 90 percent of respondents declared that they would like to have a romance with a Korean person. That is, unless the people of the ROK are as neurotic as I am and are wondering, “What’s up with that other 10 percent?”

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Hanahana are some of the most elegant and expensive sparklers ever made

Walking through the fireworks rack at a store you can see various rickets and sparklers all decked out in loud colors and cartoon graphics promising the noisiest of evenings in the park. Given the nature of the product, it seems a reasonable marketing course to take.

However, surely there are those among us who enjoy burning things up in a more demure atmosphere – perhaps with some Polonaise in A-flat major playing in the background and sipping on a glass of Brunello.

For that we present an exquisite pack of sparklers handcrafted from all-natural and all-domestic materials. They’re called Hanahana and are selling for the price of 10,000 yen (US$98).

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National Tanuki Cake Habitat Map aims at conserving the once-beloved but now endangered dessert

Tanuki, also known as Japanese raccoon dogs, hold a special place in Japanese culture. Often the center of folktales for their large testicles, magical abilities, and easygoing attitude, you can see them depicted in works of art all over the country.

However, now the tanuki is threatened. Not the actual animal, but a cake created in its image known as the tanuki cake. For many middle-aged Japanese people the mention of such a treat would awaken fond childhood memories. Despite this, the tanuki cake population in Japan has plummeted in recent years to the point of being critically endangered.

That’s why the website Tanuki Cake No Aru Toko Meguri has established the National Tanuki Cake Habitat Map, so that we may monitor and perhaps conserve these noble animal-shaped cakes.

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Try a super-easy summer cold remedy with this natural Honey Daikon Cough Syrup recipe

Summer is here and with it come the sleepless nights of rolling around in bed searching for a sweat-free spot. Of course, fans and air conditioners are at hand but they bring a whole other set of problems such as dry, sore throats in the morning and incessant buzzing that might make it even harder to nod off.

They say summer colds are the worst kind, and taking standard medicine with all the drowsiness they can cause is no good in this already delirium-inducing heat.

Now, we don’t promise this to be a cure (it’s a common cold, after all!), but for those suffering from summer sniffles and phlegm we humbly recommend a simple recipe using all natural ingredients: honey, daikon, and just a pinch of patience.

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Mixed martial artist shoots to fame by combining victory pose and epic gurning skills

The world of martial arts tends to be a serious one. Even though fights are bound by a set of rules, one wrong move can lead to serious injuries. For that reason alone fighters must take a highly disciplined approach to training both their bodies and minds.

Japan’s Pancrase mixed martial arts is one of the stages where these dangerous confrontations unfolds. However, at Pancrase 259 in Tokyo’s Differ Ariake Arena, a fight involving flyweight Takuya Eizumi took a turn for the surreal when his winning pose drew more attention that any fight that took place that evening.

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