Master Blaster

Writer / Translator

Master Blaster is the two-man translating team of Canada’s Steven Le Blanc and Japan’s Masami M, a pair who in addition to writing work are in English education and created the StudyNow app for Japanese students of English.

Together they have written somewhere around 1,500 articles for RocketNews24 covering such diverse topics as Chinese men selling sanitary napkins to each other and a Japanese guy dragging an ear of corn around the Tokyo train system. A few of these were actually good, but don’t take our word for it! Here’s what our beloved readers had to say:

“One isn't always in the mood for bold tastes. But when I'm in the mood for bold flavor I turn to you.”
“Stupid article. Who cares what the Japanese think it's cool. You don't call a monkey, "gorilla".”
“You know, this is about the most cogent explanation of how a turbocharger works that I have ever seen in the non-motorsports world.”
“Thanks for the article peter!”
“It's people like you who make exploitation possible.”
“It looks yummy and the story was great. Thank you for the smile.”

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All Stories by Master Blaster

[Biography] The Life and Times of Pedobear

Pedobear’s most recent appearance on Nestle’s Facebook page for Kit Kat got them in a heap of trouble.  It appeared that the chocolate maker had posted a photo of a man wearing a suit resembling that cute bear with a reputation for having a penchant for minors.

Many who know of Pedobear, also know of his roots on the meme factory internet site 4Chan.  A percentage of those people probably know that he was imported from its Japanese precursor, 2Channel, where he is known as “Kuma” even to this day.

But what is known of his life then?  To answer that RocketNews 24 is prepared to peel back the layers of Pedobear’s surprisingly wholesome – if not heroic – roots.

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RocketNews Begins “Hyper-Gentleman’s Cool Biz” Campaign, Results in 1 Arrest

The summer of 2012 is shaping up to be the hottest in recent years, and with nearly all nuclear power plants still shut down here in Japan, energy conservation is a necessity.  Here at RocketNews24, we believe wholeheartedly in saving mon… I mean protecting the environment, which is why we’ve made an effort to shut off all air conditioning in the office.  To compensate, we have elevated the concept of “Cool Biz” to “Hyper-Gentleman’s Cool Biz.”

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Brighten Up a Rainy Day by Shooting a Fireworks Party from a Bazooka, Results May Vary

Who doesn’t love a good fireworks display?  It’s a great way to relax on a warm summer evening with a BBQ and some beers.  However, with a stagnating economy and tightening safety regulations these majestic works of gunpowder art seem to be slowly fading away.

Light-based toymaker Uncle Milton has tapped into this by combining people’s innate love of fireworks and bazookas with Fireworks Lightshow (called Anywhere Fireworks Bazooka in Japan).  But can they really pack the beauty of a fireworks show into a plastic gun wieldable by a child?  Let’s start by watching the advertisement for it.

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Controversial Results of Beauty Pageant Lead to Do-Over, Previous Winners Deemed “Way Too Ugly” by Public

On June 30 the Miss International Regional Qualifying Pageant was held in Chongqing, China.  However, as the winners (pictured above) were announced, backlash from scores of confused spectators and an allegation that the contest was fixed has prompted organizers to hold a second pageant.

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The Apex of Eraser Technology Has Been Met with “Resare Premium Type Plastic Eraser”

I’m a man of fine taste and refinement.  I write only the highest quality documents on the highest quality paper with the highest quality pencils.  However, when I make only the highest quality mistakes I demand that only the highest quality eraser be used to correct them.  That is why on 10 August, I will be going to the highest quality stationary store to buy the Resare Premium Type Plastic Eraser – the eraser to end all erasers.

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Hot Coffee Part II?  McDonald’s China Attempts to Sidestep Litigation from Woman Who Walked into Their Glass Door

Everyone has heard the one about the lady in the US who spilt McDonald’s coffee on her lap and won a cool US$2.7M.  The figure was later reduced to $600,000 but surely the fear of litigation had sunk deep in McDonald’s psyche all over the world.

This is why the cold reception a Mickey D’s in China gave to a woman who walked into one of their glass doors might seem understandable.  However, when brought to the public they were ultimately judged as “being pretty douchey.”

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Olympics-Schmolympics, Who Makes the Better McDonald’s Burger; France or Japan?

Fresh off the most recent stint of Big America burgers released in McDonald’s restaurants across Japan like the Texas Burger, Idaho Burger, and Broadway Burger, the taste of the month now has turned its eye toward France.

This time though McDonald’s Japan has completely copied one of French McDonald’s sandwiches, the Le GrandTo see if it lives up to the original I tried one in France and Japan for a tête-à-tête taste test.

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“Lina Blue Cooled Ramen” is More Than Just a Slick Name, It Might Add Years to Your Life While Keeping You Cool This Summer

On 18 July, a ramen shop in Nipponbashi, Tokyo called Bee Hive Genki no Moto had introduced a novel chilled ramen that’s equally cooling to the eyes, ears, and stomach – perhaps even the life.

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Japanese Civil Servants Can’t Have Tattoos While Chinese City Workers Can’t Receive a Piece of Hard Candy; Regulations Run Amok

With just one week left to vote for the most evil employer of 2012, we’d like to shed some light on an overlooked “black corporation” – city governments.  Sure, government workers often get a bad rap as being slow and overpaid with ridiculous job security.  But in the words of Bob Dylan “the times they are a-changing.”

In Osaka, government workers will be forbidden to have any tattoos and a drinking ban is in talks for all the city workers of Fukuoka.  But to really see the slippery slope that these labor reforms can lead to, we should turn our attention to the People’s Republic of China.

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Man Creates Waste Basket That Targets Flying Garbage and Catches It by Itself

Have you ever seen a sci-fi movie about the future where robot garbage cans move by themselves to pick up our waywardly thrown garbage? You’d think humanity has reached the level of technology to make that happen, but no.

Evidently the people lazy enough to want an autonomously moving waste basket are also too lazy to create one.  That is until a mysterious mad scientist by the name of FRP created his own and recorded a video outlining the entire process.

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At “Robot Restaurant” You Can Accentuate Your Meal with Girls in Bikinis Riding a Neon Tank and Gigantic Fembots, We Investigate

A new restaurant modestly named “Robot Restaurant” has opened in Shinjuku on 18 July but already has generated a lot of buzz on the internet.  Its quick surge in popularity may have to do with the rumored post-apocalyptic giant robot show that goes on while you eat and is said to cost 10 billion yen (US$127M) to create.  We had to go and see if this is for real.

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Blistering 160km/h (99mph) Fastball Pitched by High School Student

The baseball world in Japan has been shaken to its core by a pitch so fast it stands among the fastest in the world – and it was done during a high school game.

The pitch, thrown during a televised semifinal match between Ichinoseki Gakuin and Hanamaki Higashi, has focused all the attention of professional baseball onto young Shohei Otani, the pitcher for Hanamaki Higashi High School.

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Child’s Birthday Coming Up?  Why Not Get Them a Life-Sized Brachiosaurus?

It seems you can buy just about anything on the internet these days, and here’s another bit of proof to put on the pile.  What’s the one thing you could add to your home and garden that would make you stand out among your neighbors?

You got it; an 18 meter (59’) tall, 3 ton (2205 lbs) Brachiosaurus statue.

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Future and Past Collide as Long-Awaited “Evangelion and Japanese Sword Exhibit” Opens

You may have read our previous report about how Japan’s top sword makers had been called upon to bring your favorite weapons from the hit anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion off the screen and into reality.

Well, the day has finally arrived as the Bizen Japanese Sword Museum has at long last opened their “Evangelion & Japanese Sword Exhibit” utilizing traditional sword making techniques to create swords of the future Evangelion universe.

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Apoopalypse Now! We Use Twitter and Japanese Linguistics to Track the Toilet Habits of Japan

It seems the days of keeping novels or magazines on a stand by the toilet are slipping away from us as more and more people are taking their smartphones into the loo to pass the time.  On top of this, social media has paved the way for everyone to update the world on all their daily minutiae.

And what could be minuter than broadcasting our bowel evacuations to the world.  On an individual basis such information might be meaningless to others but when analyzed en masse we can learn something about the pooping habits of a nation.

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See Tokyo on the Cheap, See It in Lego and More

Who doesn’t love Lego?  It’s a toy that has certainly stood the test of time and transcended all boundaries of gender, class and geography with its simple yet endless possibilities.

And who doesn’t love Tokyo? It’s a city that has certainly stood the test of time and grown into quite the cultural mecca of food, science, and art.  However, it’s a big city that requires time to explore fully.  So why not head down to Decks in Odaiba, Tokyo Beach to see the best of it in everyone’s favorite medium – Lego! But that’s not all Legoland Tokyo has to offer.

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Scientists One Step Closer to Cure for Body Odor

It seems that some of life’s simplest yet most widespread problems never have solutions.  Millions of men worldwide have to watch their hair fade away with no reliable cure.  Or how about that man or woman who somehow manages to sit next you on the subway or bus making your eyes water with their biological curse of body odor, better known by bacteriologists by its scientific name: “pit stank.”

Pit stank doesn’t discriminate.  The victims are our fathers, sisters, children, and spouses. However, thanks to the pioneering efforts of a legal rep for an NPO in Sendai working with Tohoku University’s New Industry Creation Center the world is one step closer to a cure for this socially scorned affliction.

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Twitter War of Hand Tricks Gets Bizarre, Amazing and Occasionally Disgusting

Everyone has that one friend who can touch their nose with their tongue or fold their arms behind their back.  These accomplishments are great for parties and other social events, but on what stage can these people demonstrate such pointless feats for the whole world to enjoy? Twitter!

The following are some of the most hand-bending and mind-bending hand tricks you have ever seen as submitted during a twitter show-off.  Give them a try yourself. Just don’t get hurt.

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Infield Fly Controversy Mars Tension Filled Baseball Grudge Match

A recent first round qualifying game for the high school league national championship between rivals Nichidai Fujisawa (Japan University’s High School) and Buso ended in controversy after a botched infield fly ball was mishandled causing a Nichidai runner to steal home and earn a walk-off victory for their team.

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High Ranking Chinese Officer Demands “Japan Should Leave Okinawa”

According to South Korea’s Far East Daily newspaper, China’s public radio broadcast an interview with a currently active Major General who spoke like many Generals do, with much aplomb and sabre rattling to be heard. Let’s see what he has to say.

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