Master Blaster

Writer / Translator

Master Blaster is the two-man translating team of Canada’s Steven Le Blanc and Japan’s Masami M, a pair who in addition to writing work are in English education and created the StudyNow app for Japanese students of English.

Together they have written somewhere around 1,500 articles for RocketNews24 covering such diverse topics as Chinese men selling sanitary napkins to each other and a Japanese guy dragging an ear of corn around the Tokyo train system. A few of these were actually good, but don’t take our word for it! Here’s what our beloved readers had to say:

“One isn't always in the mood for bold tastes. But when I'm in the mood for bold flavor I turn to you.”
“Stupid article. Who cares what the Japanese think it's cool. You don't call a monkey, "gorilla".”
“You know, this is about the most cogent explanation of how a turbocharger works that I have ever seen in the non-motorsports world.”
“Thanks for the article peter!”
“It's people like you who make exploitation possible.”
“It looks yummy and the story was great. Thank you for the smile.”

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Posted by Master Blaster (Page 164)

Korean-Japanese Telecom Tycoon Masayoshi Son earned his place as the CEO of Japan’s largest mobile phone company and the second richest person in Japan through aggressive expansion of his interests.

That personality often comes through in his Twitter account too.  Son recently had to defend himself via Twitter after a half-million-dollar donation to Hurricane Sandy relief irked some people.

That’s the great thing about Twitter, isn’t it? You can now directly give Forbes’ 53rd Most Powerful Person in the world a piece of your mind. But don’t expect him to take it lying down.

That’s what @kingfisher0423 learned when he tweeted to the Softbank CEO: “With the degree that your hairline has receded, you are bald.”

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Working at a lottery counter or kiosk must be a drag.  You have to watch other people win big and hand over cash everyday while probably making a less than stellar salary yourself.

So it comes as no surprise that one lotto shop employee in Sakai city succumbed to the temptation to pocket someone else’s big winning ticket for herself and telling them they lost.

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McDonald’s Japan Restricts What Employees Can Say on Twitter, Too Many Disgruntled 60 Second Servants?

McDonald’s has allegedly sent out a nationwide memo to all franchises regarding its employees’ use of social networks.  The memo is highly detailed regarding what types of online speech is permitted from staff.

Regulations include the prohibition of “McDonald’s bashing” on Twitter or popular internet message board 2channel (2ch), as well as other unethical (by McStandards) postings.

The following is a translation of the leaked rules.  Pay special attention to numbers 4 and 5.

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Messing with These Vending Machines May Result in Severing of Fingers and/or Published Photos of Your Genitals

Rumor has it that among the numerous maid cafés, manga, DVD, and video game shops in Akihabara, Tokyo, there exists a unique corner full of vending machines.

The machines contain typical fare for Japan – colas, teas, snacks, condoms, and such – but are guarded by savage penalties unbecoming of the general levels of politeness in this country. In fact, often involving dismemberment, these penalties seem more at home in a bleak post-apocalyptic Thunderdome type society than urban Tokyo.

Few know about this legendary group of vending machines outside of Akihabara aficionados. So our reporter, Kuzo, decided to venture up the electric river of Akihabara in search of the Heart of Vending Machine Darkness.

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“Mt. Fuji Should Erupt by 2015”: Ryuku University Professor Emeritus

Since the Great Tohoku Earthquake of March 2011, scientists have been anxiously watching the massive volcano known as Mt. Fuji for signs of activity. In September of last year, a report was released stating that Mt. Fuji’s magma chamber pressure had risen to a worrisome 1.6 megapascals, which is estimated to be higher than when it last erupted.

According to retired professor Masaki Kimura of Ryukyu University, this and other recent phenomena indicate an eruption of Mt. Fuji should have taken place in 2011 with a four-year margin of error ending in 2015.

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Woman Arrested for Attempting to Rob Convenience Store, Attempt Was So Bad She May Get Off

Remember the bank robber who waited on the sofa at the request of his “victim” tellers? He may have competition for most polite criminal with a 23-year-old woman from the rural town of Noto, Japan.

In fact, her attempt at armed robbery of a convenience store was so gentle police are currently unsure what charges they can press.

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Nine Anime Characters Women Want as Lovers, a Notorious Thief and an Infamous Murderer Top the List

Fantasy’s a wonderful thing.  With a little imagination things can be exactly the way you want it to be. Perhaps that’s why movies, animation, literature and more are so timelessly popular.  They show us life the way it will never be.

The list makers over at Otome Sugoren who teach us that everything can boil down to 9 items, like party manners, otaku relationships, and inter-gender video game etiquette have compiled the nine characters from anime and manga that women wish they could be with in real life.

Now, I like me some whimsy as much as the next guy, but I’m left dumbfounded by the thought process that went into some of these choices.

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Four Freezing Freeza’s Appear at Hakone Ekiden Relay Marathon, Conquer All with Hijinks and Shenanigans

Some sports are just better watched on television.  Although it’s always great to see athletes perform in person, for many events you just can’t get the right vantage point to see all the action.

Take the Hakone Ekiden relay marathon held every year on the second and third of January. One of the most popular running events in Japan, 20 universities from the Kanto region of east Japan enter teams of ten to race a grueling two day relay totaling over 200km.

It’s a physically intense race over mountainous terrain in the cold of mid-winter.  And it’s truly inspiring to see these athletes show such high levels of endurance… from your home watching TV under a blanket and sipping hot cocoa.

For those brave souls who ventured out into the cold to support the runners, a surprise in the form of four inter-planetary warlords stop by yearly to deliver some holiday cheer.

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Traditional Japanese Food Kills Two People, 15 More Hospitalized

A popular confectionery around the New Year’s season in Japan is mochi.  Mochi is often translated to “rice cake” but is nothing like the Styrofoam discs of the same name that are popular in some countries and doesn’t really resemble a cake at all.  It can either be more like a soft “rice gummy”, usually stuffed with sugary foods like sweet beans, strawberry, or even ice cream; or like a “condensed rice block”, which is often basted in soy sauce, grilled, and wrapped in seaweed.

Mochi is made by whacking rice in a tub repeatedly with a giant wooden mallet, a fun but tiring holiday festivity.  During New Year’s mochi is sold in a small snowman like configuration called kagami mochi (pictured above) which serves as a decoration until it is eaten after 1 January.

While all of this sounds fun, mochi has a dark side as well – one that foreigners who try it for the first time often realize quickly: It’s chewy, sticky, and really hard to eat.

And if you’re not careful, this little snack could land you in the ER.

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Japanese Debate Program Wants Your Opinion on Major Issues, Participate Now on Facebook

NHK has been running a series of panel debate shows called WISDOM which covers globally relevant issues by holding a discussion among experts from around the world.  Since 2010, they have covered a range of topics from economic crises, to Arab Spring, to bullying.

However, as of this year, they are planning on making an ambitious new addition to the program: YOU, if you’re willing.

Starting from their next episode titled “What Next for the Global Economy?” they are inviting everyone in the world to submit their opinions and suggestions for a truly global perspective on matters that affect all of us.

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Display Your Own Animations on Your Bicycle Wheel with ANIPOV, Goes on Sale January 2013

Back in my day, kids used to put little plastic beads on their bicycle wheel spokes to make them “flashy.”  Now it looks as if these kids grew up and got training in optics.

Plastic beads have been replaced with synchronized LED lights which generate colorful animations as an ordinary bike wheel spins away.  Not only that, you will be able to create your own animation to be displayed on your computer and upload it to your bike with ANIPOV when it goes on sale at the end of January 2013.

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Serial Tree Killer on the Loose in Western Japan, 14 “Sacred Trees” Poisoned So Far

Scattered across the landscape of Japan are Shinto shrines of various shapes and sizes.  In many of the larger shrines you’ll find one or more especially old trees known as Goshinboku which means “sacred tree.”

Sacred trees are usually massive in size and centuries old with some reportedly over 1,000 years old.  You can usually tell them from the shimenawa wrapped around their trunks. A shimenawa is an extremely thick rope which encloses something holy and wards off evil from outside.

These age-old trees are beautiful specimens of nature’s strength and longevity and add an extra level of serenity to their shrines.  However, in the past month someone or some group has been killing off these sacred trees of shrines in 5 separate prefectures in Japan’s mid-west.

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Startling Nature Footage Reveals Penguins Are Kind of Jerks

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Penguins, otherwise known as the tuxedo wearing clown princes of the Antarctic, have amused us for centuries.  Their cute little waddles and fluffy babies can warm even the coldest of hearts.

However, new footage taken by researchers has shed light on a previously unknown facet of penguin life – they’re kind of dicks.

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We Eat Subway Japan’s Largest Sandwich “Giant Sub”

The wildly popular sandwich restaurant chain Subway is a little bit different than in other countries. There’s more of an emphasis on vegetable subs, which may be disappoint to those like me who enjoy the meatball sub, with sauce so piled on that seems to dissolve the bread as you’re eating it… ohhhh.

Still, Subway Japan’s menu is probably better for society as a whole. But here at RocketNews24, we are more interested in the least healthy, most artery stopping fast food concoctions around.  That’s why we’re pleased to see that Subway Japan is making party subs available through some willing vendors.  We went in search of the elusive Japanese Giant Sub.

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Hamsters Are Watching You

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“Hamsters are watching you.”

Before, when I said this to people on the streets they would run away and get the police involved.

Well who’s laughing now? Thanks to this video documentation uploaded on YouTube, my paranoid delusions have been proven to be real. In it, the brave camera person captured a hamster stakeout in progress.

My delirium was further validated by Yahoo! who chose this shocking footage as the “10th best animal video of 2012.”

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Japanese Men Share Their Worst Christmas Experiences Ever: Pikachu, Platoon and Painkillers

So this is Christmas. The time where we all sip eggnog by the open fire enjoying the gentle blanket of wet snow covering a meadow as a deer scampers by, right?

Of course not, it’s raining here now and my glasses are broken. Still, I’d consider this an average holiday season for myself. For many out there, Santa has little more than a big bag of suck to stuff in your stocking.

Don’t sweat it though. Every year can’t be a winner. For those having a blue Christmas, the website MyNavi has compiled a list of Japanese men’s worst Chirstmas experiences.

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Breathtaking Meteor Shower Video Taken against Starry Winter’s Night in Nagano

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHsuf0MDIOQ?version=3&rel=1&showsearch=0&showinfo=1&iv_load_policy=1&fs=1&hl=en-US&autohide=2&wmode=transparent&w=640&h=360%5D

If you were to ask me to go out at midnight in the middle of December and look for meteors, I would say “No way, I’m watching a Very Brady Christmas. Get out of here.”

However, in the evening around December 14, while many of us were warmly tucked away in our cat capes, an annual celestial event took place above.

One brave photographer spent a chilly night in a Nagano park to capture these meteors for us all to see.

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The Smell of a Tanuki Monster Captured in a Perfume, Approved by the Triforce

Yuru-kyara, those lovable mascots of urban and rural districts all over Japan, have finished their annual yuru-kyara Gran Prix with Bari-San the chicken clinching a long awaited first place.

But that doesn’t mean these men and women in giant animal costumes have time to rest.  No sir. Just as the last Gran Prix closed yuru-kyara it’s now time for the hundreds of mascots to begin campaigning for next year’s vote.

This brings us to Takibou, the Tanuki Monster of Shaolin Temple (not the kung-fu one) in Hachioji, Tokyo. Takibou had finished 58th place (top 6%) in 2012 and is hoping to improve on that performance. So, for the first time – probably in the world – a mascot is releasing their scent for the public to buy.

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US Military’s Newest Robot Gets Upgrade… In Cuteness!

Robotic Firm Boston Dynamic working with the US Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) made a splash with a demonstration video of a highly functioning quadrupedal robot called LS3 (Legged Squad Support System).

When many internet fiends in Japan laid eyes on it they couldn’t help but think of Homo, a parody of girls into homoerotic art (fujoshi). It was developed on Twitter from ASCII art (┌(┌^o^)┐ホモォ). Since then it has become something of a subculture phenomenon spawning various merchandise.

A few months later, has the US military improved LS3 enough to quell the giggling of otaku everywhere? Let’s see.

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