Master Blaster

Writer / Translator

Master Blaster is the two-man translating team of Canada’s Steven Le Blanc and Japan’s Masami M, a pair who in addition to writing work are in English education and created the StudyNow app for Japanese students of English.

Together they have written somewhere around 1,500 articles for RocketNews24 covering such diverse topics as Chinese men selling sanitary napkins to each other and a Japanese guy dragging an ear of corn around the Tokyo train system. A few of these were actually good, but don’t take our word for it! Here’s what our beloved readers had to say:

“One isn't always in the mood for bold tastes. But when I'm in the mood for bold flavor I turn to you.”
“Stupid article. Who cares what the Japanese think it's cool. You don't call a monkey, "gorilla".”
“You know, this is about the most cogent explanation of how a turbocharger works that I have ever seen in the non-motorsports world.”
“Thanks for the article peter!”
“It's people like you who make exploitation possible.”
“It looks yummy and the story was great. Thank you for the smile.”

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Posted by Master Blaster (Page 130)

Chinese man pulls off best Cthulhu impersonation ever with live snakes in his sinuses

Liu Yuanfei is a Chinese man in his 50s. If he was your neighbor, you might be surprised enough at how young he looks for his age. However, he has an even more shocking talent that in spite of his youthful looks makes you wonder how he managed to live even this long.

Liu Yuanfei also goes by the name “Shewang” or Snake King due to his unnerving ability to “become one” with snakes by allowing them to slither through his various orifices. Be warned: the following video is not recommended for those squeamish about snakes, and especially for those uncomfortable with the idea of snakes crawling up your nose and out of your mouth…

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Darth Vader to Japanese dictionary released, selling like Tusken bread

In Japan, learning English is a valuable tool in the business world. Being able to negotiate deals and win customers overseas would make you an attractive asset to any corporation. To truly get ahead, however, you’re going to want to speak like a titan of industry, and there’s perhaps no better titan to emulate than Darth Vader.

No one has ever moved up the corporate ladder faster, and talk about falling upwards! Darth Vader fell limbless into a pit of lava and landed right in a cushy gig as Lord of the Galactic Empire. Clearly this is a guy who gets what he wants.

Now Japanese and English learners can acquire his galaxy controlling gift of gab with the new Star Wars dictionary and phrase book. Let’s take a look at some sample pages.

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Not getting enough attention with your iPhone? Stick a couple of Iwashitas on it

With the plethora of iPhone cases available, it’s hard to get a truly unique one. Sure you could get one bearing your favorite anime character or sports team’s logo, but those are a dime a dozen and wouldn’t stand out for a second. No, if you want to truly be an individual, you need to slap on this iPhone case produced through the cooperation of smartphone accessory maker Hamee and pickled ginger producer Iwashita’s New Ginger. We guarantee you’ll turn more than a few heads with a 5-inch rod of ginger stuck to the back of your iPhone 5 or 5s.

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We apply to appear in new Yakuza game, still waiting to hear back from Sega

Since it first began on the PlayStation 2 in 2005, the violent action-adventure series Yakuza (Ryu ga Gotoku in Japan) has sold 6.5 million copies around the world. With a new edition of the series in the works, Sega is holding auditions for men who would like to appear in it.

Thinking this would be a great way to promote our humble website, we assembled a team of our manliest men to try out. It’s undoubtedly going to be tough, but to help increase our chances we sent each reporter to audition for a different character.

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If an onigiri and a cheeseburger had a baby, it’d be a Bakudan Musubi

One of Japan’s most loved snack foods has got to be onigiri. Both a staple of mom’s home cooking and convenience store cuisine, these little balls of rice wrapped in seaweed come in enough flavors and styles to satisfy everyone. They’re even so delicious they have driven some people to armed robbery.

Personally during these summer months these rice balls are especially satisfying. They’re good because in this intense heat it can be hard to stomach greasier fare like cheeseburgers.

However, now Circle K Sunkus stores have stocked themselves with a Bakudan Musubi Bacon Cheese Hamburg (Pepper Mayo Included). Containing everything in the title and then some, I didn’t hesitate to grab one of these curiosities and try it out.

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Tohoku University evicts entire dormitory for rampant drinking, is a zany 80s comedy just waiting to happen

On 15 July, Tohoku University sent eviction notices to all 105 residents of Meizenryo, a student-governed dormitory in Sendai. The school claims that the students violated their “promise to abstain from alcohol.”

Although asking a building full of college students not to drink is like asking a building full of tigers not to scratch the furniture, the school is taking a hardline stance of incredulousness at their behavior. Nevertheless, students are appealing saying that not everyone in the dorm drinks and some should be allowed to stay.

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Kids’ Hello Kitty Dictionary is surprisingly gritty

Hello Kitty’s reach of product endorsements spreads far and wide like so many whiskers from her pillowy white face. From contact lenses to passenger planes to melons, her adorable ribbon can be seen on everything, so a Hello Kitty Dictionary is hardly a shock.

What is shocking, however, is how encompassing this dictionary is including terms from the darker corners of human existence. It could be a good thing though as learning about forms of mob lynching is perhaps best done through the gentle cupcake decorated words of Hello Kitty.

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International survey finds that 90% are open to a romantic encounter with a Korean partner

Earlier this year South Korea’s largest matchmaking company decided to look abroad and ask the people of countries in North America, Europe, and Southeast Asia about their romantic feelings towards Koreans.

The results, which were reported on 22 July, were certainly something to put a spring in the steps of the people of South Korea. A whopping 90 percent of respondents declared that they would like to have a romance with a Korean person. That is, unless the people of the ROK are as neurotic as I am and are wondering, “What’s up with that other 10 percent?”

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Hanahana are some of the most elegant and expensive sparklers ever made

Walking through the fireworks rack at a store you can see various rickets and sparklers all decked out in loud colors and cartoon graphics promising the noisiest of evenings in the park. Given the nature of the product, it seems a reasonable marketing course to take.

However, surely there are those among us who enjoy burning things up in a more demure atmosphere – perhaps with some Polonaise in A-flat major playing in the background and sipping on a glass of Brunello.

For that we present an exquisite pack of sparklers handcrafted from all-natural and all-domestic materials. They’re called Hanahana and are selling for the price of 10,000 yen (US$98).

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National Tanuki Cake Habitat Map aims at conserving the once-beloved but now endangered dessert

Tanuki, also known as Japanese raccoon dogs, hold a special place in Japanese culture. Often the center of folktales for their large testicles, magical abilities, and easygoing attitude, you can see them depicted in works of art all over the country.

However, now the tanuki is threatened. Not the actual animal, but a cake created in its image known as the tanuki cake. For many middle-aged Japanese people the mention of such a treat would awaken fond childhood memories. Despite this, the tanuki cake population in Japan has plummeted in recent years to the point of being critically endangered.

That’s why the website Tanuki Cake No Aru Toko Meguri has established the National Tanuki Cake Habitat Map, so that we may monitor and perhaps conserve these noble animal-shaped cakes.

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Try a super-easy summer cold remedy with this natural Honey Daikon Cough Syrup recipe

Summer is here and with it come the sleepless nights of rolling around in bed searching for a sweat-free spot. Of course, fans and air conditioners are at hand but they bring a whole other set of problems such as dry, sore throats in the morning and incessant buzzing that might make it even harder to nod off.

They say summer colds are the worst kind, and taking standard medicine with all the drowsiness they can cause is no good in this already delirium-inducing heat.

Now, we don’t promise this to be a cure (it’s a common cold, after all!), but for those suffering from summer sniffles and phlegm we humbly recommend a simple recipe using all natural ingredients: honey, daikon, and just a pinch of patience.

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Mixed martial artist shoots to fame by combining victory pose and epic gurning skills

The world of martial arts tends to be a serious one. Even though fights are bound by a set of rules, one wrong move can lead to serious injuries. For that reason alone fighters must take a highly disciplined approach to training both their bodies and minds.

Japan’s Pancrase mixed martial arts is one of the stages where these dangerous confrontations unfolds. However, at Pancrase 259 in Tokyo’s Differ Ariake Arena, a fight involving flyweight Takuya Eizumi took a turn for the surreal when his winning pose drew more attention that any fight that took place that evening.

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Fans lined up to get a mouthful of Exile singer’s tasty chocolate banana

Starting 19 July Fuji TV will be holding the “Odaiba Shintairiku” event featuring live performances from various artists along with other attractions.

Among these attractions is Izakaya Eguzairu, a bar and grill featuring dishes designed by the members of the top pop group Exile. While much of the menu is standard fare such as Hiro’s spaghetti or Aran Shirahama’s chicken and rice, it’s the dish dreamt up by vocalist Takahiro that has everyone saying “I want to eat Takahiro’s banana” online.

We sent our reporter Nakano-san in to get to the bottom of Takahiro’s Chocolate Banana.

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Automatic Skirt Lifting Vending Machine invented, humankind reaches new heights

You might say that the last great life-changing technological achievement was the development of portable devices like smartphones and tablets. However, it’s been a few years now and nothing truly new has come down the pike aside from making other everyday things “smart” like glasses or a watch.

Just in time, we now have a new device that may change the very fabric of society. It’s a vending machine that lifts up the skirt of a Hatsune Miku plush toy. It may not sound important right now, but that’s how these game-changers work. In a few years’ time all of our lives will revolve around this invention, so let’s take a moment to see how it works.

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We try an ice cream bar in chili pepper oil, begin to think the internet is just screwing with us

Fresh off Taiwan’s discovery that pudding and ramen are pretty tasty together and despite the widespread disgust and horror it produced, Chinese netizens have now come up with a new unlikely taste sensation: Chili oil & an ice cream bar.

As weird as it initially looked, I could kind of see the pudding ramen working out, but I draw the line at this ungodly combination. I’d have to have accidentally swallowed drain cleaner to want to consume thi…oh, hang on. My phone’s ringing…

Okay! Looks like I get to try out the newest food craze from China’s internet! I can’t…wait.

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Your feet work hard for you, it’s time for them to dress the part with Shirt-Type Socks

With summer kicking into full gear, it’s time to shed as many layers as possible to stay ahead of the heat. This leads to a lot of fashion dilemmas though, such as keeping your feet cool. Barefoot seems to be the obvious choice, but you all know how it is when you’re just about to strap on some sandals and you suddenly get a call to meet with the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court Itsuro Terada.

It’s just these kinds of everyday annoyances that we assume footware brand Erimaki Sox is addressing when they came up with Shirt-Type Socks: socks that button up and have snazzy collars.

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Japan’s 10 best singing voices as chosen by people in the industry

Japanese music has a wide variety of artists, and like any country’s music scene it too is full of gimmicky sounds or imagery. Such music can be great and a lot of fun too, but there’s something about a naturally talented vocalist that demands our attention and respect.

But who in Japan is the greatest pure singer? Some of you may have already pulled up an image of your favorite Japanese singer while others like me are drawing a blank, still unable to shake the image of Kyary Pamyu Pamyu dancing with candy skeletons.

Luckily, the TV show Suiyobi No Downtown held their own ranking survey asking 200 people in the Japanese music industry from vocal trainers to studio engineers “Who is really good at singing?” Here are the results.

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Spot discovered on the Taipei Bridge without a scooter on it

Scooters are a popular means of transportation in all Asian countries for their small size and fuel economy. In Japan not a day goes by where you don’t see a dozen or so small engine bikes puttering around the streets.

However this video taken from Taiwan is on a whole other level. What must be thousands of scooters pouring off the Taipei Bridge are simply making their daily commute. The roughly two-minute video is eerily reminiscent of the million-duck march in Thailand last month, and yet it’s also strangely relaxing to watch.

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Tottori City’s starving mascot makes waves and suddenly disappears

From December of last year until this February, Tottori City held an open call for mascot ideas for a character to represent the Tottori Castle ruins. The ruins were named one of Japan’s 100 notable castles and have enjoyed an influx of tourists.

The mascot idea which came in second place was Katsue-san, the starving farm girl. When the announcement of Kazue hit, the internet lit up with excitement. However, she mysteriously disappeared from the Tottori City website soon after.

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You go, girl! Ancient game of Go reaches out to Japan’s youth with trendy magazine

The Chinese strategy game called Go or Igo in Japanese has been around for millennia. The rules are among the simplest in existence but the underlying theory to winning is so vastly complex it takes a high degree of experience, patience, and observation to succeed.

Perhaps it’s that same complexity that’s keeping younger generations in Japan from picking a bowl of stones. However, that’s not stopping Igo associations who have developed the ultimate stratagem for hooking new players: a Go-themed free girls’ magazine with topics such as extreme go and finding your dream Go-playing soul-mate.

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