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Japanese Men Share Their Worst Christmas Experiences Ever: Pikachu, Platoon and Painkillers

So this is Christmas. The time where we all sip eggnog by the open fire enjoying the gentle blanket of wet snow covering a meadow as a deer scampers by, right?

Of course not, it’s raining here now and my glasses are broken. Still, I’d consider this an average holiday season for myself. For many out there, Santa has little more than a big bag of suck to stuff in your stocking.

Don’t sweat it though. Every year can’t be a winner. For those having a blue Christmas, the website MyNavi has compiled a list of Japanese men’s worst Chirstmas experiences.

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With just seven days to go, children the world over are without a doubt already finding it hard to sleep at night. Will Santa (or Father Christmas as I grew up calling him) arrive? Have I been good enough this year? Does he know about the things I did with Jane Steepleton in her tree house during the summer?

Let’s hope that we’ve all been good boys and girls and that the big man in red will pay us all a visit, unlike one unfortunate individual who found himself giftless on Christmas day one year and took to Japan’s Chiebukuro Yahoo! Answers forums to ask the nation simply: “Where is Santa!?”

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Urban Soldier: Mr. Sato Dons Camo for a Call of Duty-Inspired Coffee Dash

It came as an enormous shock to the entire team to hear that the legend that is Mr. Sato rarely visited Starbucks coffee houses.

Surrounded by the well-dressed, coffee sipping elite and with fancy lingo like “tall” and “grande” being thrown around, our reporter felt completely out of his depth at Starbucks and rarely dared to set foot inside even to grab a quick take-out coffee.

But after playing a lot of Black Ops 2 on the new office Wii U, a brilliant idea came to us…

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Your Morning Workout: Japanese Library Staff Show Us How to Strech in Hilarious / Cute Video

Oh, Japan, we love you so much.

Morning stretches, or asa taisou, may look faintly ridiculous to many westerners, but it’s not uncommon for companies both large and small to have their entire staff standing up and performing a daily warmup routine each morning, often to music. Stroll past a construction site at around 8:30 a.m. and you’ll likely see a team of burly men wearing hard hats doing shoulder shrugs in unison or doing hip gyrations chanting one, two, three, four!

Just this morning, however, we at RocketNews24 witnessed perhaps the greatest example of morning stretch routines ever; a spectacle that had us chuckling, scratching out heads and finally nodding in agreement.

Prepare yourselves, ladies and gentlemen, for the Michinoku Librarian Union’s daily exercise routine!

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It’s not easy being a kid. If you’re fat the other kids make fun of you; if you’re skinny the other kids make fun of you; if you get good grades they make fun of you… Kids don’t need a genuine reason to be tease their peers; they can make one up just as easily.

But when your parents name you after their favourite thing – be it the weather on the day you were born, the place you were conceived or their favourite snack food – things get awkward for poor little Windy Latrine Butterfinger.

Although authorities have been known to intervene when parents try to call their child things like Akuma, meaning devil in Japanese, and @ as once rejected by authorities in China, the vast majority slip through the net. Since kanji, the Chinese characters used in the Japanese writing system, are based on meaning and can be read in a variety of different ways, parents giving their child a kanji-based name (some choose phonetic kana script, but this is usually just for girls) are able to choose both their child’s name and how it will be written.

For the most part, parents choose names that convey their love or hopes for their offspring, but in the land of otaku nerdism, sometimes parents just can’t help but get carried away.

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TV Blunder Labels Japan’s Potential Next Prime Minister a Pervert

Running for election in Japan isn’t easy. But when your face is shown alongside titles like “pervert” and “molester,” it’s probably a lot harder than it ought to be.

Japan’s political system is a mess right now and, despite having seen six prime ministers come and go in as many years, the country is headed for an election next month, with one-time PM Shinzo Abe putting himself forward to be re-elected.

The politician was made a laughing-stock earlier this week, however, when the Tokyo Broadcasting System (TBS) early morning TV show Asazuba accidentally displayed Mr. Abe’s photo alongside a news report about a sex offender’s arrest.

Despite having no relation to the incident whatsoever, Mr. Abe’s face filled viewers’ screens along with the shocking titles, prompting the nation to spit out its corn flakes, or at the very least dribble a bit of natto onto the table.

Suffice to say, the politician was not pleased, and, suspecting this to be part of a “campaign of negativity”, took to his public Facebook page to tear TBS a new one…

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“Aaaaargh!!!” Baby Red Panda Makes his Dramatic Screen Debut

We’ve all seen those popular internet videos like the sneezing baby panda and dramatic look gopher, but in Hokkaido today a new internet phenomenon may have been born.

While filming at Murayama Zoo in Sapporo, visitors watched as a baby red panda, known as Gin, received a shock when his caretaker entered their pen to check if they had enough food left in their dish.

What might have caused most animals to simply jump a little, however, caused little Gin to fall over backwards, mouth open and limbs flailing like Sarah Connor when Arnold Schwarzeneggar comes out of the elevator in James Cameron’s Terminator 2…

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Sexy, Sexy, Sexy: Because Real Men Wear Stockings in Winter

Why should girls be the only ones allowed to stay toasty warm in winter?

Fed up with getting the chills and knowing that winter was only just beginning, RocketNews24‘s resident adventurer and male model Mr. Sato was feeling rather down in the dumps this week. But when news arrived that nearby Ikebukuro Tobu department store had begun selling a new range of stockings and ultra-warm underwear just for men, his face lit up with the warmth of a thousand suns and he was out the door in mere seconds.

Barely an hour later, he arrived back at RocketNews Towers ready to try his latest purchases on for us.

As you can see from the photo above, it was quite the show.

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【Fixed】 Collection of Ingenious Short Skits From the Japanese Program That Brought Us “Matrix Ping Pong” Now on YouTube

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgM11RtGjeI?version=3&rel=1&showsearch=0&showinfo=1&iv_load_policy=1&fs=1&hl=en-US&autohide=2&wmode=transparent&w=640&h=360%5D

Kasou Taisho, or All Japan Kasoh (Costume) Grand Prix, is a semi-annual televised contest in which amateur groups or individuals perform short skits which are rated by a panel of judges.

Many of the skits make extensive use of kurogo: stagehands dressed in all black to imply they are “invisible” to the audience while they move around props or actors on stage. This allows performers to create clever illusions and “fake” special effects, such as in the classic “Matrix Ping Pong” skit, which you can see above.

Having been on the air for more than 30 years, the show no doubt has an extensive library of short, funny video clips—or as we call it these days, internet crack. And finally figuring out that crack sells, Kasou Taisho has posted nearly 100 of their finest skits from over the years for your viewing pleasure on YouTube.

We hope you weren’t planning on doing anything productive over the next half hour…

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Sadistic Super Mario World is Back with New Levels, Made by Friends for Friends…

If you’re anything like me, you spent tens, if not hundreds of hours during the 1990s in front of a TV set playing Super Nintendo games like Super Mario World.

The game is often heralded as the greatest 2-D Mario game ever made, and is still played even 22 years (feel old yet!?) after its original launch.

You’d be wrong, though, if you thought that people were still playing just the levels that Nintendo crafted for its consumers decades ago; throughout the world there are entire groups of people with ROM files and hacked versions of the original game code who are regularly creating new levels, sometimes entire worlds, of their very own.

But why create nice, gentle levels filled with dancing flowers and 1-up mushrooms when you could create the most sadistic, mind-bending stages ever conceived of and force your friends to play through them?

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Middle-Aged Man Reviews Cute and Girly DS Fashion Game: “This Game Opened My Eyes to Style!”

While browsing online store Amazon, you’ve no doubt stumbled upon a few interesting or downright strange reviews of products written by fellow shoppers. Some of the reviews are both well written and informative, helping us make the best purchasing decisions possible; others, meanwhile, might cause us to wonder how the human race has survived this long, or make us consider contacting the authorities.

One review on Amazon Japan, however, has caught the attention of hundreds of shoppers and has become something of a talking point online.

The review, written by a self-professed middle-aged man, is of a videogame that sees gamers select clothes for, dress and style young women as fashionably as possible, and is intended mainly for the younger female audience.

This male reviewer, however, was incredibly taken with the title, going so far as to say that it has changed the way he sees the world…

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Cockroaches Ending 2012 Season with a Bang, Stories of our Black Buddies Coming Fast and Furious

As the summer cools back down to a comfortable autumn, the cockroach index has slid to a 1 across much of Japan. But before they go to sleep in many parts of the world, it looks like our little black friends are squirming their way into the headlines to give us something to remember them by.

We’ve all probably heard the tale of Edward Archbold who mysteriously died after winning a cockroach eating contest in the USA.  However, in China, roaches making quite a stir – by getting stirred into the food.

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McSwindle? Predictions of McDonald’s Next Cost Cutting Business Move Spark Laughter on Twitter

Regular visitors to RocketNews24 will no doubt be aware that McDonald’s Japan has been making the headlines a lot since the beginning of the month. The removal of menus from its counters, worried rumours of the restaurant putting a stop to free cups of water; the fast food chain has received a lot of negative attention.

After tweets on the theme of “McDonald’s next bizarre business move” hit the thousands, tweet-gathering mega blog Togetter has put up a collection of some of the best thoughts and creative ideas from Japan’s internet users, with some little short of laugh-out-loud funny.

So, what do the people of Japan predict for Ronald and pals’ near future? Let’s find out!

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While there are still a few kinks to be straightened out, and it’s not quite the life-changing service that Apple have been claiming it to be, the iPhone’s PA program Siri is still capable of making a few users chuckle.

Perhaps just seeing what their new iPhone’s electronic assistant could do can do, or perhaps just immensely bored one day, a Japanese iPhone user told Siri something about herself–

“Tomorrow’s my birthday…”

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[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz8AC5RXQXQ?version=3&rel=1&showsearch=0&showinfo=1&iv_load_policy=1&fs=1&hl=en-US&autohide=2&wmode=transparent&w=640&h=360%5D

China’s state-run media has been known to stretch the truth in the past, but now they’re making a claim that really beggars belief: they have footage of human teleportation. Is it from the basement labs of some high-tech, secret government research center? No, it’s from a traffic surveillance camera, but could it be the real deal? Read More

Square Enix Reveals Final Fantasy Dating Game, is Elaborate Prank

A lot of people were holding out for some exciting news during Final Fantasy’s 25 Anniversary event in Japan yesterday; perhaps some information on Final Fantasy Versus XIII or a Final Fantasy VII remake.

What they got instead was an elaborate 12-minute demonstration of Tokimeki Final Fantasy: Suzaku Magic Institution Peristylium ~ Oh no! I’m in Love With the Crystal’s Divine Guardian ~, an otome dating game set in the world of Final Fantasy Type-0.

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Hatsune Miku 7-Eleven Parody Video Will Give You Nightmares

If you weren’t in the know (and by the know we mean Japan), Japanese convenience store chain Family Mart and Hatsune Miku are running a promotional campaign from August 14 to September 10 to celebrate the Vocaloid’s 5th birthday.

To spread word of the campaign, Family Mart created a 15-second television commercial featuring Miku singing the store’s signature jingle and posted it to YouTube on August 17, though a ripped version had been posted to Japanese video sharing site Nico Nico Douga a few days earlier.

One group of enterprising viewers saw the video and immediately got the idea for a parody, which he posted to Nico Nico and YouTube on August 19. The parody, titled “Miku LOVES Seven Campaign [Fiction]”. features a super deformed Hatsune Miku singing the Japanese 7-Eleven jingle and is absolutely terrifying.

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On Yahoo Shopping, a site famous for its oodles of unique merchandise, an ornamental sword is attracting a lot of attention. It’s called the “Whale Sword” and it’s a model of a style of ornamental sword used in the pre-war days, with a blade close to a meter long. Who wouldn’t want that in their stocking?

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