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Steven Simonitch

Writer / Translator

Though a native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Steven currently resides in Nagano, Japan, where he is known by the old lady at the supermarket as "the white guy who always buys 2 packs of natto." Having finished a 2 year stint teaching English with the JET program, Steven now spends his days writing silly things about Japan while vainly insisting to his parents that he's a "journalist" working for an established "newspaper."

Aside from writing banal stories about hot Asian women and cheeseburgers, Steven is also working with dojin circle Creative Freaks to localize their fitness app/ Japanese dating sim series, Burn your fat with me!! (known as Nensho! in Japan).

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Posted by Steven (Page 7)

Panda Onigiri Are Too Cute to Eat, We Do So Anyways

As a rule of thumb, if you want to cuten something up, add some panda. Just look at these panda rice balls (onigiri). There is no other animal on this planet that can make a ball of white rice look this adorable.

We know what you’re thinking: “Sure they’re cute, and I’d love to make them myself, but don’t you need the dexterity of a Japanese ninja housewife to do so?”

Not anymore you don’t! The panda rice balls you see above were actually made by one of our Japanese reporters (single, female, hasn’t made a bento in 5 years) with the help of the fabulous “Panda Onigiri Set,” which can be purchased for around $13 from sites like Bento & co or JBOX.

Already own a Panda Onigiri Set but are having trouble getting your rice balls to look like the ones in the picture? RocketNews24 is here to pander to your needs with our step-by-step guide to making adorable panda onigiri!

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The Japanese branch of global hactivist group Anonymous has announced they will be holding their second Anonymous Cleaning Service event at Comic Market 82, which started today at 10am Japan time.

Those wishing to participate should ready their Guy Fawkes masks and head to the Yagurabashi pedestrian bridge in front of Tokyo Big Site by 3pm. Participants should also be prepared to take home whatever trash they collect and dispose of it themselves (there are no trash cans on the street in Japan).

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Six University Cuties to Face Off at “Miss Science” Beauty Pageant in Tokyo

At Japanese universities, female science and engineering majors are definitely in the minority. Even in Tokyo, it’s not uncommon for ladies to make up less than 10% of enrollment for science departments. But the elusive rikei joshi, or “science girl,” does exist and Japanese student organization CURIE is holding a pageant called “Miss Rekei Contest” to give them a chance to prove they’ve got beauty as well as brains.

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Breathtaking Nagaoka Fireworks Will Make You Want to Spend a Summer in Japan

Summer in Japan is all about matsuri, or festivals. Young people dressed in yukata walking through streets lined with food stalls and game booths, the rowdy, drunken group of local men carrying a giant mikoshi shrine through the crowd while yelling “Washoi! Washoi!” and, of course, the fireworks.

The Japanese take fireworks very seriously, which is why Japan is home to some of the most spectacular fireworks displays in the world. To see what we mean, the fireworks show at this year’s Nagaoka Matsuri in Niigata prefecture has been generating buzz on the net thanks to some amazing video footage posted to YouTube. Check it out below!

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“Shiba Inu Plump Booty Curry” is the Curry of Choice for Dog-Lovers and Booty-Lovers Alike

The Shiba Inu is one adorable little ball of fluff, especially from behind. I mean, who can resist that curled up tail nestled atop a plump little posterior that shakes back and forth as they trot along.

Japanese blogger and Shiba Inu-lover Takedatake has recently found inspiration in that captivating rear view for a novel at-home recipe he calls: “Shiba Inu Plump Booty Curry.”

Instructions on how to make the dish follow below:

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Nyan Cat Song Makes it into Hatsune Miku Project DIVA f

Famitsu has revealed three new songs for the upcoming Playstation Vita game Hatsune Miku Project DIVA f and it looks like one of the internet’s favorite memes, the Nyan Cat song, made the list.

We haven’t been this excited for a rhythm game since Trogdor made it into Guitar Hero II.

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Adorable New “Pokemomo” Brand Goods Coming to Pokemon Center Stores Across Japan

Collecting is one of the predominate themes of the Pokémon franchise and Nintendo never seems to run out of new things for fans to spend their Pokédollars on.

For example, on August 3, The Pokémon Company reveled, “Pokemomo,” their newest lineup of adorable Pokémon merchandise featuring the artwork of Japanese illustrator Momo Okada.

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A lone salaryman walks in to a room with bento in hand and sits down at a table to enjoy his lunch in privacy. He unties the knot holding together the bandana bundle to reveal a small brown bento box and chopsticks case. Finally, the man removes the lid from the bento to unveil a mouth-watering assortment of…colored yarn?

What follows is some hardcore lunchtime needlework.

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For the past few years, Japan has been in a fuss about soushoku danshi, literally translated as “herbivore boys.” These are young men who represent the antithesis of the rowdy, skirt-chasing, big-spending corporate man associated with the 1980s bubble economy: they’re passive, conservative with money, prefer to stay in instead of going out drinking with coworkers and are generally uninterested in sex.

Such personal lifestyle choices wouldn’t be considered problematic if Japanese society wasn’t struggling with a declining birthrate and low consumer spending. But when an ever-increasing portion of your male population is enjoying their evening with a cup of tea at the local manga cafe when you need them to be out buying cars and procreating, you’ve got a situation on your hands.

To make matters worse, a survey conducted by The Japanese Association for Sex Education (JASE) reveals that the number of young Japanese women who have had sex has decreased dramatically over the past 6 years.

Perhaps the ladies of Japan have finally given up on trying to get their male counterparts into bed and joined convent themselves.

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Mr. Sato Cosplays as Slime and Waits in Line 24 Hours to Purchase Dragon Quest X

August 1 was a big day for Japan as it marked the release of Dragon Quest X, the latest installment in the iconic series and the first to force players to play online. While the release of a new Dragon Quest game is usually something akin to a national holiday here, many people were wondering if mandatory online play wasn’t too tall of an order for a series traditionally known for sticking to its tried and true formula.

To get an idea of just how excited the country really is over Dragon Quest X, we sent resident reporter Mr. Sato to a video game shop in Shibuya the day before release to stand in line until the store opened the game went on sale the next day at 7:00 am.

Of course, anyone can wait in line for a day, but it takes a true Dragon Quest fan like Mr. Sato to wait in line for a day dressed as the series’ most beloved monster, slime.

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Nothing brings a nation together like a common enemy and the Olympics give us an excuse to degrade every other country on the planet world without it seeming xenophobic.

It was in the midst of this festive atmosphere that Gallup Korea published their annual poll showing the country’s opinion of the rest of the world. The results? South Korea hates Japan even more than North Korea and loves America the most.

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Somalian Olympic Team Cosplays as Doraemon During the Opening Ceremony

So how ’bout that 2012 Olympics Opening Ceremony? There was Mr. Bean’s riveting performance of “Chariots of Fire,” Daniel Craig and Queen Elizabeth II parachuted out of a helicopter, Paul McCartney sang “Hey Jude”…

While the star-studded event gave the world plenty to talk about, there was one cameo appearance during the parade that was likely overlooked by everyone except Japan: everyone’s favorite earless robotic cat, Doraemon.

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The ayu, or sweetfish, is a summer delicacy in Japan. Usually coated in salt and grilled over a charcoal fire, the fish is known for its refreshingly sweet taste and is consumed widely by Japanese people every year.

While a typical specimen is similar to a small trout in appearance, an ayu with translucent scales was discovered at a fishery in Gifu prefecture late last month.

We think the issue here isn’t why this happened, but how on earth were they able to spot the little guy…

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Now You Can Get a 3D Replica of Your Fetus (Because That’s Not Creepy at All)

For expecting couples, visiting the gynecologist for an ultrasound scan can be a memorable experience as it is often their first look at the precious life waiting to be born in the world. Many soon-to-be parents even ask for a black-and-white printout of the scan to commemorate the occasion and then later to embarrass their child in front of his or her friends.

Now, Japanese engineering firm Fasotec has taken prenatal memorabilia to literally the next dimension with “Shape of an Angel,” a miniature 3D replica of the fetus as it lay in the womb.

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Japan Makes POS System That Scans Bread Terminator Style

Ah, Japanese bakeries. Rows and rows of delicious, fresh-baked treats ready for you to harvest—if you can decide among all the variety. And if you think choosing which bread to place on your tray is hard (I usually spend at least 5 minutes walking in circles with hungry tongs in hand), imagine how stressful it must be for part-time bakery staff who need to remember the names of every baked good in the store.

Luckily, Japanese web development company Brain Corporation has teamed up with the University of Hyogo to develop a POS system that uses a camera to instantly identify the kind of baked good customers have on their tray.

Check out the video below, it looks a lot more impressive than it sounds.

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This is What a Whopper With 1000 Slices of Cheese Looks Like

A few months have passed since our resident reporter Mr. Sato consumed a Whopper loaded with 1050 strips of bacon. Now the smell of bacon grease has finally faded from the office and Mr. Sato seems to have learned his lesson after spending countless hours curled up in the fetal position, praying his arteries would hold out another day.

At least, that’s what we thought until he walked into the office the other day carrying a Whopper with 1000 slices of cheese in his hands.

Cheesus Christ.

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We Order Whopper With 1050 Bacon Strips, Struggle to Level Comically Huge Burger

Well that didn’t take long.

Just yesterday we shared the story of how our own Mr. Sato capitalized on Burger King Japan’s current 15 bacon strips for 100 yen (US $1.20) promotion by ordering a Whopper with 105 bacon strips.

While Mr. Sato managed to finish the burger, he didn’t seem to be in the best shape afterwards, falling into a meat-induced coma and then suddenly breaking out of it only to run out of the room with his hand covering his mouth.

Surely, we thought, Mr. Sato has finally learned his lesson; that consuming stacks of bacon is a task better left to professionals.

So imagine our surprise when he came in the office holding a plastic bag sagging under the weight of a 1050 bacon strip Whopper.

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