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Master Blaster

Writer / Translator

Master Blaster is the two-man translating team of Canada’s Steven Le Blanc and Japan’s Masami M, a pair who in addition to writing work are in English education and created the StudyNow app for Japanese students of English.

Together they have written somewhere around 1,500 articles for RocketNews24 covering such diverse topics as Chinese men selling sanitary napkins to each other and a Japanese guy dragging an ear of corn around the Tokyo train system. A few of these were actually good, but don’t take our word for it! Here’s what our beloved readers had to say:

“One isn't always in the mood for bold tastes. But when I'm in the mood for bold flavor I turn to you.”
“Stupid article. Who cares what the Japanese think it's cool. You don't call a monkey, "gorilla".”
“You know, this is about the most cogent explanation of how a turbocharger works that I have ever seen in the non-motorsports world.”
“Thanks for the article peter!”
“It's people like you who make exploitation possible.”
“It looks yummy and the story was great. Thank you for the smile.”

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Posted by Master Blaster (Page 167)

Man’s Wife Becomes Addicted to New Animal Crossing, Turns to Yahoo Answers for Help, Actually Gets Help

The latest installment of the Animal Crossing series Animal Crossing: New Leaf was released in Japan on 8 November and sold out across the country soon after.  It was such a success that the president of Nintendo had to issue assurances via Twitter that more copies were on the way.

For those unfamiliar with the franchise, Animal Crossing is a game with no set objective.  You simply exist as the only human in a quaint forest village of anthropomorphic animals.  You live out your days there any way you want, fishing, landscaping, shopping, and so on.

For one man, the new game ushered in an age of darkness for his household.  His wife had become a slave to the friendly sheep and dogs who inhabit Animal Crossing.  Rather than spending time with her husband, she was fishing for a trout to trade to Tom Nook for a lava lamp.

Disheartened, the man took the last resort of the damned. The one place wretched souls go to for answers before giving up completely – Yahoo! Answers.

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Looking back at the violence that occurred in the anti-Japan protests in September, I’m still baffled at why those regular people got so crazy over a land dispute between two governments in some remote area.  Maybe I’m the only one who lacks that patriotic spirit that compels one set fire to a factory over zoning issues.

Or perhaps like almost every world event in history, there are more complex – usually economic – factors at play beneath the surface. At least that’s what a group of Japanese writers and journalists claim.  According to them, the stage was set for this explosion of anger years before it happened.

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Chinese Railway Worker Suspended for “F**k’em Gangnam Style” Song Parody

Boy that Gangnam Style is one catchy tune.  The Korean smash hit has transcended international boundaries like few others before it.  When I fry my eggs in the morning I “flip’em Gangnam style” and when I’m retiling the bathroom I can’t help but “grout’em Gangnam style.”

One day, a railway worker in China was feeling down about his job and needed to let out some emotions about it.  Unfortunately, he decided to “vent’em Gangnam style” and record it… and upload it to a popular Chinese video sharing site.  You can probably imagine what happened from there – imagine it Gangnam style.

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Japan Develops Fart-Deodorizing Underwear: Silent and NOT Deadly

Gather around boys and girls, we’re going to hear a frank and serious story about smelly farts, butts, underpants, and old people smell.  More importantly, this story is about the man who may make all of these things extinct.

This story follows the creation of Inodore, a Japanese-made material that did something to stop not only fart smells, but a range of other body odors deemed “unpleasant” by society.  This company has found a method to eliminate foul smells from the body without the use of any harmful chemicals or powerful perfumes.

Their clothing products currently on sale can trap and eliminate everyday body odors like sweat and gas by over 95%, 80% of which is erased in the first 30 seconds of contact.

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Meet the Great White Hope of Japanese Snowboarding: 14 Year-Old Miyabi Onizuka

Snowboarding is still a young event in the Olympics, yet Japan hasn’t been able to score a medal.  This has been frustrating for the country that hosted the first snowboarding event in ’98 and as whole has widely embraced the sport on a recreational level.

Well, here comes a new challenger! Out of Kumamoto Prefecture, 14 year-old prodigy Miyabi Onizuka is tapped to be the next big thing in Japanese snowboarding.

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Pocky & Pretz Day 2012 Hopes to Break World Record and More

Every year on 11 November people in Japan celebrate Pocky & Pretz Day. In case you don’t already know, Pocky are thin cookie sticks with chocolate, strawberry, or other flavored frosting.  Pretz are a more mature stick with salty flavors. Their simplicity is matched only by their sheer addictiveness.

Because of the date’s resemblance to the snacks (11/11), every year, their maker Ezaki Glico cooks up a special campaign. In 2011 on Pocky & Pretz Day if you tweeted a special sentence using Pocky and a particular hashtag you could have won free snacks.

However, for Pocky & Pretz Day 2012, Glico has their sights set on entering the Guinness World Records.

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In Asian countries, working on an airplane is considered a highly skilled occupation.  Aside from the usual flying skills and regulations, both pilots and staff also need knowledge of another language (particularly English).  On top of that, physical limitations like height and vision make for a rather shallow pool of candidates.

In China, a country often given a bad rap for lax regulations, the restrictions are even tighter as having smelly underarms is grounds for expulsion from becoming a pilot.

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Japan Develops Single Passenger Silent Mini Electric Helicopters, Travels at 100km/h (62mph)

Every once in a while a story comes along about a flying car or helicopter that fits in a briefcase, but they always disappear into the ether never coming to fruition.  It’s understandable since everyone having their own mass produced flying machine would be a safety and law enforcement nightmare.

This time, however, Hirobo in Hiroshima Prefecture may be rolling out a personal helicopter that will actually get off the ground.

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LSH Pork Cutlet: It’s Finger Sucking Good!

Everyone wants a little KFC, but Asia in particular has embraced the greasy wings served up by everyone’s favorite self-made restaurateur Colonel Sanders.  In Japan, the Colonel is so beloved his statues can be found outside of nearly every franchise – often in costume.  He even enjoys the same privacy rights as other citizens.

He is also the victim of various copycats this side of the Pacific. In Korea there is said to be a knock-off restaurant operating right next to a legitimate KFC in broad daylight.  We sent Kuzo in for reconnaissance.

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As this autumn is just flying by, we’ll all have to break out our winter gear soon, if not already.  For one woman in China it was time to buy a new winter coat to cope with the lowering temperatures.

Little did she know, that new fluffy down jacket was a ticking time bomb that went off right inside of her home washing machine.

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Sushi: The Fragrance Released, Brad Pitt Hard at Work on New Poetry

*For maximum enjoyment please read this article in the husky hushed voice of Brad Pitt. Thank you.*

It’s not a journey, it’s Sushi, a scent developed by Demeter Fragrance Library. The scent maker is hoping to catch the freshness of Japan’s signature dish so you have it with you all day.

But does it smell like raw fish? Does it have the eye-watering aroma of wasabi? Demeter says of course not, but what it does smell like is the source of some controversy.

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Who doesn’t love a Twitter war?  This wonderful modern age we live in lets celebrities make snide comments to and about each other as we all read along.  And with the unprecedented interactivity social networks you too could be arguing with Ashton Kutcher about something!

Last week mobile phone mogul Masayoshi Son, who has a history of large donations, offered US$500,000 through Softbank to help the victims of Hurricane Sandy in North America and then tweeted about it.  This act of philanthropy irked a twitter user by the name of o44o.  Feeling that this was an act of blatant advertising through the use of a good deed he decided to voice his opinion to Mr. Son.

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Under 50% of Workers in Japan Received Full Payment for Overtime According to Labor Survey

As the world continues to change, countries like China have been experiencing overall improvements to their quality of life while traditionally more developed countries seem to be slipping in terms of job security and benefits.

According to a yearly study conducted by labor research groups and think tanks, only 46.9% of workers in Japan receive their overtime in full. This is a significant 8.9% lower from just a year before.

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On the morning of 2 November a man armed with a kitchen knife entered a bank in Munakata city, Fukuoka Prefecture.  Upon seeing the man, the clerk asked “What can I do for you?”

“Hand over the money.” he said quietly.

Then the clerk summoned all her years of training and experience as a bank employee and dealt with the intruder the best way she knew how.

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Otaku Marriage Hunting Masquerade Ball a Rousing Success! Second Date Added

Last month we reported on the announcement of the 10th Otaku Masquerade Ball: Oka’s Bizarre Marriage Hunt where otaku looking for love don masks in search of a future life partner.

It finally went down on 27 October with a total of 17 participants (9 men and 8 women) all wearing mask that cover at least the top part of the face.  According to the sponsor, Washimiya Youth Chamber of Commerce, everything went better than they imagined.  In fact it went better than regular marriage hunting parties or gokons!

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Japanese Man Arrested for Using Novelty Cash, Clerk Tipped off by Laughing Yukichi

Japanese paper currency is printed with the faces of various prominent figures.  However, rather than past or present leaders, like many countries do, the yen banknotes are decorated with writers and a scientist.

For example, the 10,000 yen (US$124) bill has the likeness of Fukuzawa Yukichi, a highly influential writer during Japan’s transition from the feudal system to modern government.  He is also known to have never smiled in a photograph, which is why when one man attempted to spend a 1,000,000 yen (US$12,400) bill with a picture of a grinning Yukichi, the clerk’s suspicion was aroused.

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Since 16 October a curfew has been in place on all US soldiers stationed in Japan restricting them from leaving their bases from 11pm to 5am.  This was in response to an incident where two soldiers allegedly raped a young Japanese woman in Okinawa.

However, on 2 November what appeared to have been a drunk American soldier trespassed into a room and struck a young boy.  The police investigation is ongoing.

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Our Reporter Accepted as Special Resident to “Cute Ward,” Welcomed by Mayor Mariko Shinoda of AKB48

Our correspondent Kuzo has been extra busy recently eating single noodle udon, disgusting ramen, and encountering thousands eerie of dolls. However, when he returned home, he was welcomed by a large envelope with the return address: Kawaii (Cute) Ward, Fukuoka.

Could it be? Earlier he had applied for special resident status of the Japanese administrative district of all that is cute.  Now it looks like he has his answer.

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Mathew Broderick Spotted in New York, Employs Strange New Anti-Photography Device

Meeting a movie star can be like finding winning the lottery for many people. Having lived in Toronto for 5 years where a great number of Hollywood movies are shot and home to a major film festival, the biggest celebrity I ever saw was a lady who did 5 minute segments between reruns of The Simpsons and Married With Children on the local station.

On the other hand some people have all the luck like our very own Yoshio who scored big on his first day of a business trip to New York running into none other than Ferris Bueller himself, Matthew Broderick!  More amazing than seeing the star of the American Godzilla in the flesh was discovering his superhuman ability to blur his own face in photos.

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How’s It Hangin’ Japan? “To the Left,” Say About 40% of Guys

Here’s your Japanese vocabulary lesson for the day:

■   Chinpoji   –    Cheenpojee   –   [noun]
The perfect position for a man’s junk to rest in his underwear, pants, etc.

For men worldwide, to function normally we have to have our gear oriented in the correct position.  If through moving or sitting we fall out of chinpoji, then our minds become clouded with neuroses.

According to a survey by Japanese underwear maker Wacoal, 75% of men “are anxious about the positioning of their ‘front parts.’”  Not just the discomfort going on inside the pants; many men feel that their packages can be seen by people on the outside too when they’re out of place. This causes us to perform emergency public adjustments, which makes any woman within eyeshot go “ugghhh.”  In the end no one wins.

Yahoo Japan’s R25 explored this issue deeper, seeking to discover if all men’s chinpoji are the same and, if so, ask a medical professional why.  Here’s what they found.

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