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Before we even get into this, there’s something I have to say in the interest of full disclosure: I’m a bit of a gym rat and I have more than a little bit of a bone to pick with Japanese gym etiquette, so apologies if I sound a little harsh or gripe-y, and/or you feel the strong wind of me chucking dumbbells in frustration throughout this article.

Having experienced the joy and wonder of numerous American gyms – often 24 hours, never too crowded, always sprawling and well-equipped, cheap and usually never exceeding more than two elderly men gleefully prancing naked through the locker room at any one time – you can imagine the soul crushing disappointment I felt upon coming to Japan and realizing that even the best gyms routinely exceed US$150 a month to use, rarely stock all the equipment you’ll need, and are generally populated exclusively by old dudes who spend 10 minutes chatting up their buddies while sitting on the only bench in the place, and the rest of their “workout” enthusiastically blow-drying their testicles in the locker room.

The only small consolation I have is that, apparently, one of the gym-frequenting writers at Japanese sister site is similarly miffed by the myriad annoyances of Japanese gyms… and he’s even been kind enough to sit down and badly sketch out all the craziest folks who’re likely to ruin your workout:

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The first videos ever shared on YouTube & Niconico leave us feeling rather… confused? 【Videos】

If the internet is a part of your everyday life, as it is for billions of others around the globe, then you are probably no stranger to video-sharing giant YouTube. There you can find videos of pretty much anything that interests you, watch news and events from around the world, take a peek at other people’s lives through their vlogs, learn new skills through how-to videos, or squee over countless cute animal videos. If you’re bored, nothing passes the time quite like getting lost in a YouTube black hole, where one interesting video leads to another, and another, and yet another…

Not quite as well-known, but still very successful in its own right, is Niconico (formerly NicoNico Douga), essentially the Japanese version of YouTube, though the website is also available in English and Taiwanese. What is unique about Niconico is the ability it gives users to add comments which are then overlaid directly on the video and synced to a specific playback time, which often become as entertaining as the video itself.

Both sites have billions of videos for a lifetime’s worth of entertainment, but have you seen the oldest videos of them all?

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‘Rassun Gorerai: English version’ is even more oddball than the original 【Video】

Humour can be so dependent on the language and culture of its country of origin, that it easily gets lost in translation. But what happens when you try to translate nonsense? That’s what Satoshi Castro has tried to do with his English version of comedy duo 8.6sec Bazooka’s ‘Rassun Gorerai’, the hit chanting-dance routine that’s racked up 9 million views on YouTube so far.

If you’re scratching your head trying to figure out what that title rassun gorerai means, you’re in luck – it doesn’t mean anything! So how will this catchy Japanese comedy song work in English? Join us after the jump to find out!

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Seriously unlucky Chinese man takes an actual arrow to the knee while doing laundry

If you’re one of those people who is plagued by bad luck, then you’ll know that disaster can strike anytime, anywhere. One man from Changsha in China’s Hunan Province learned this the hard way recently when an arrow flew out of nowhere and lodged itself in his knee while he was minding his own business hanging out laundry.

Warning: this report contains an image which some readers may find squirm-inducing!

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Eat for free at this restaurant in China…but only if you’re beautiful enough!

It is common for such establishments as restaurants and movie theatres to offer student discounts, senior discounts, and the like to its patrons, and one Tokyo bar even offers balding gentlemen money off their booze. But one restaurant in China has decided to offer a free meal only to those deemed beautiful enough.

Each person has their own tastes and preferences of what they find attractive, so if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, how does the restaurant go about judging who gets their dinner gratis?

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Enjoy delicious pork sandwiches served to you by the manager of this katsu joint…who is also a pig

We’ve already talked at length about the complex feelings we have whenever we see an anthropomorphic mascot for a food joint shucking his own kin as delicious, greasy human grub. We bet you can’t even count the number of times you’ve walked by a chicken joint whose crazily grinning avian mascot was holding up a bucket of deep-fried drumsticks, or a contented pig sitting down – fork, knife, bib and all – to a barbecue rib feast and never really thought much of it.

Well, if the usually slapdash, cartoonish mascot on the sign of your local wing joint wasn’t in-your-face enough to disturb you with implications of animal cannibalism and the idea that you might just be eating animal protein that was once a creature with enough intelligence to talk and use kitchen utensils, maybe this Kanazawa, Japan pork restaurant ostensibly managed by a live, miniature pig is just the thing to kickstart your conscience, you monster.

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Meet the girl who’s wrapped up in dreams of sushi

If you’ve been captivated by a bizarre breed of sushi cats or fallen in love with a cup-clinging girl called Fuchiko, chances are you’ll soon be swooning over a young lady who likes to hang out inside pieces of sushi.

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Heads up Aussies, Shinjuku’s insane Robot Restaurant is paying you a visit next month!

Shinjuku’s Robot Restaurant is the stuff of legend the world over. An epic music and light show with a dash of burlesque flair featuring enormous robots, exotically dressed dancers and more neon than the original and 2010 sequel to Tron put together, it’s a must-see for anyone visiting Tokyo and looking for a dose of quintessential “WTF Japan?” weirdness (no, seriously, just check out its website).

But what if you’re not a trust-fund Toby or a highly successful business magnate with the cash to splash on weekend trips to Japan? Those plane tickets don’t come cheap, and Tokyo is known for being on the pricey side, so short of a wealthy aunt popping her clogs or your idea for edible cutlery coming to fruition, you may never have the chance to see this baffling spectacle of awesomeness. If you happen to live in or near Sydney, though, your feet won’t even need to leave terra firma for you to experience it, thanks to a unique event coming up in February.

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Cheese & Pizza chocolate!? We force-feed our coworkers the weirdest Japanese snack ever

Tirol chocolate has been around in Japan for as long as any of us can remember. Super tasty, available in dozens of flavours, and cheap enough even for elementary school kids to buy with their pocket-money, you’ll find these tiny squares of goodness in pretty much any convenience store or supermarket up and down the country. Occasionally, Tirol (or chiroru as it’s pronounced in Japanese) will release a handful of limited-edition flavours, fusing sweets like custard pudding and tiramisu together with their tasty choco to create unusual, moreish combinations.

But every now and then, they’ll try something really, really strange. Like Cheese & Pizza chocolate.

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2015 Chinese Dream Calendar comes true! 12 whole months of Xi Jinping and his wife waving

As with the beginning of any new year, there comes the chore of getting a new calendar for your wall or fridge. Sure one usually arrives in the mail from your friendly neighborhood real estate agency, or you could always shell out for the motif of your choosing from a local calendar boutique.

But the really lucky years are when the perfect calendar just falls right into your lap, as it did with our Japanese writer Ponkotsu the other day. From an associate in Shanghai, he received something in the mail with the words Chinese Dream printed on its front; a calendar that he knew in an instant would become the one of his own dreams too.

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Indian man still insists on driving backwards at full speed after eleven years

There’s a particular type of male who when in possession of a vehicle strives to make it the most outstanding machine on the road for better or for worse. This generally involves painting obnoxiously loud colors onto their cars, which have been fitted with even more obnoxiously loud speakers. The result is a visual and audible horror show only appreciated by those with a similar mindset.

And then we have Harpeet Devi of India who has reached new heights of annoying car customization. He had his transmission customized to have four speeds in reverse and only one speed forward so he can drive backwards everywhere he goes.

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Schoolboy offers elderly man seat on train, gets publicly berated for doing just that

Japanese people have a reputation for being polite and well-mannered, so the frequent sight of so many people, rather than giving up their seat as they should, suddenly becoming engrossed in their smartphones or pretending to sleep when a pregnant woman or elderly person boards always comes as a bit of a surprise to me.

Of course, there are still plenty of kind and courteous people who offer up their seat without fail. On such occasions, the elderly passenger will often decline the offer, either because they will be getting off in a couple stops, or because despite appearances they still feel young and genki enough to stand for the journey. One elderly man in particular, though, took offense at a young boy who kindly offered up his seat recently.

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Rubbernecking gone too far? Net users react to crowds taking pics of train hit by suicide jumper

Picture the scene: You’re out late one night, waiting to catch your train home. Finally it rolls up to the platform, its front window caved in, cracks spider-webbing through the glass. That’s when you hear the announcement: due to a human-involved accident, operations have been suspended.

You know what’s happened. But how do you react? Do you gape in shock? Do you find it too upsetting to even look at and avert your eyes?

Or maybe you whip out that phone of yours to snap a picture, just like this group of onlookers at Shinjuku Station in Tokyo.

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Toilet slides and turd hats: welcome to Tokyo’s crappiest exhibition

Imagine crowds of Japanese families donning poop-shaped plush hats and sliding into a huge toilet. No, this isn’t a scene from a dream brought on by a questionable bowl of ramen, this is just one of the many surreal exhibits from a Tokyo educational expo that organizers hoped would inspire visitors to “gain an increased appreciation of toilets.”

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The last we heard from local hero and generally awesome person Ladybeard, he was promoting English classes from a language school in conjunction with the always pleasant and surprisingly proficient-English-speaker Sailor Suit Old Man. Since then, it seems Ladybeard has seriously upped his fashion game, currently sporting the much-talked about boob window shirt that has taken Japanese social media by storm.

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This crazy 4-minute clip is the most epic fan-made anime tribute we’ve seen this year

I thought I watched a lot of anime, or at least the number of times someone told me to “stop spending so much time watching anime” put me under such an impression. Apparently I wasn’t viewing anime as extensively as I had imagined, a realization I came to after encountering Anime 404, an incredibly bizarre mash-up video of various anime, songs and trend references. It’s pretty difficult to describe this crazy clip in words, but to put it simply, I think it is what I would call “chicken soup for the anime lover’s soul”. If you like anime, you’ve got to see this!

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Can’t keep your “little buddy” in the right position? New men’s underwear TOOT is here to help!

Do you constantly have to “adjust” your package? Do you find your dangly bits constantly dangling in the wrong place? Or just plain uncomfortable? Do you ever wish your underwear would just give your little man a hug and never let go?

If so, then TOOT may be the underwear for you! And even if you don’t, this will still be the funniest thing you will see today.

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We desperately want to hire these adorable Indian freelance “idols”

We’ve already seen a lot of “boyfriend for hire” stuff around Asia, which seems to be really into the idea of paying for romantic encounters, but until now we’ve never seen someone offering their boyish good looks and charming company for free.

Meet Dev and San, two kindhearted Indian models working as freelance “idols” – a popular term in Asia for models you can hire for a variety of situations – for the low, low price of absolutely nothing.

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Japanese TV reveals the revolting truth about the source of jasmine’s alluring fragrance

Sometimes it’s better not to know where nice things come from. That’s the lesson Japanese netizens learned last week when a TV show revealed a very unpleasant fact about why jasmine has its unique and fragrant scent.

In a segment of the variety show aptly called “it’s better that you don’t know,” the president of an “aroma school” in Tokyo revealed that the compound that gives jasmine its pleasant fragrance is also responsible for a very unwelcome smell familiar to us all.

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