video games

New online game has players fulfilling the needs of endless waves of schoolgirls, it’s freaking hard and could you help you study Japanese

Growing up as a young girl isn’t easy, the problems both big and small, mental and physical seem endless. This coming-of-age dilemma is the basis of a new online game put out by girls’ manga magazine, Ribbon. Although, instead of a schoolgirl you take the role of a school nurse’s assistant charged with helping an onslaught of children unhappy with their smells and suffering nosebleeds in School Nurse’s Office.

Don’t let the cutesy artwork of the game fool you, this is deceptively challenging! At least zombies only want one thing.

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Nintendogs coming to a PlayStation Vita near you?

…Wait, that’s not Nintendogs!

No, ladies and gentlemen, the house that made Mario hasn’t finally buckled under the pressure and decided to publish its first-party games on rival platforms. The above screenshot is actually from a completely new title designed specifically for Sony’s portable: PlayStation Vita Pets. Soulless rip-off or an evolution of the pet sim genre? Find out after the break.

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Doratastic! Nintendo of Taiwan just unveiled a genuine collector’s item

It seems like just about every other video game released these days also appears in “collector’s edition” form featuring all manner of inserts, plastic trinkets and overly elaborate packaging, with publishers cashing in simply by dropping the term “limited edition”. Usually this results in a few thousand people having the same cheaply-produced goods piling up in their game grottos that will seldom be worth much more than they paid, but in the case of the Taiwanese release of Doraemon: Nobita’s Number Adventure for Nintendo 3DS, there’s a certain item up for grabs that might just be worth a few extra pennies in years to come.

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Are these the five weirdest video games of all time?

Observed by those who don’t play them, video games may all seem a little bit peculiar. Mushroom-eating plumbers stomping hammer-throwing turtles, ultra-violent military shooters whose protagonists bound across battlefields shouldering rocket launchers while hurling grenades and taking bullet after bullet to the chest, and of course the hordes of zombie titles that, like their lumbering stars, simply won’t die. For those accustomed to the rules of these digital worlds, though, this all makes perfect sense.

There are occasionally, however, a few titles that even the gaming elite would recoil from wearing an expression somewhere between “ermahgerd” and “turd sandwich”, and YouTube-based ZoominGames believes they’ve identified the cream of said crop. So let’s take a look at the channel’s “Top 5 Weird Games” one by one and see if they’re really they freaky affairs they’re made out to be. Oh, and did we mention that all five happen to have been made in Japan…?

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Man forges perfect replica of The Legend of Zelda’s Master Sword, gamers go weak at the knees

It’s the holy grail of video game blades, the iconic weapon that has played a pivotal role in countless Hyrulian adventures to date: The Legend of Zelda‘s Master Sword. Whether you first came into possession of this fine blade back in the 8-bit era, firing blocky beams of energy from its tip to dispatch foes, or wielded it for the first time much more recently via your Nintendo Wii’s remote, we’re sure you’ll agree that the Master Sword is one of the coolest, most iconic blades in video game history. And now, in response to hundreds of requests from his fans, master swordsmith Tony Swatton has recreated it in epic detail.

Throw away your plastic cosplay trinkets, kids–it’s time to go full metal.

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Japanese newspaper’s parenting tips include breaking your kids’ toys

Like many people who grew up in America, when I hear the word “Asahi,” the first thing I think of is beer. Of course, beer also happens to be the first thing I think of when I hear “breakfast,” but that’s a story for another time.

However, there’s also an Asashi Newspaper in Japan. And while the news outlet has no connection to the identically named brewer, that didn’t stop it from recently handing out the kind of parenting advice you’d normally expect from a dad who’s also a violent problem drinker, suggesting that parents “accidentally” smash their kids’ video game consoles in order to keep them focused on their studies.

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Attack on Titan coming to Nintendo 3DS this year!!

Wildly popular manga and anime Shingeki no Kyojin: Attack on Titan, the tale of the last settlements of humans who live in walled cities that frequently come under attack from a race of carnivorous giants, is heading to Nintendo’s handheld this year.

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Life imitating art? Game controllers spotted hanging from power lines in Japan

Some games make us so mad that we fling our controllers across the room in rage, forgetting for a split second that it’s rarely, if ever, the hardware’s fault that we lost.

But sometimes we get so angry with a game, at being pwned online, at losing for the nth time to that end-of-level boss, that we decide to hang up our controllers for good. Which is exactly what a number of gamers in Japan seem to have done if a collection of photos doing the rounds on Twitter today is anything to go by.

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Rumour: Sony planning to launch $500 PlayStation 4 & PS Vita bundle

We’re already thoroughly excited about the launch of Sony’s newest home console, the PlayStation 4, but news reaching us today suggesting that the Japanese electronics giant has yet another trick up its sleeve has set us buzzing anew.

Since the PS4’s grand unveiling earlier this year, Sony has been keen to push the fact that the console will be fully integrated with its portable platform, PlayStation Vita, ensuring that all developers make their PS4 games fully playable remotely via Vita. It would seem, though, that rather than just a cool extra feature, Sony is planning to make PS4/Vita crossplay a cornerstone of the PS4 experience, with industry sources suggesting that a special PS4/Vita bundle will be made available for US$500 by the end of the year.

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Capcom PlayStation 4 graphics technology more lifelike than a rich otaku’s robot girlfriend

We already know Sony’s PlayStation 4 is going to be great. We’ve already reserved a space for it under our TV and earmarked a couple of our old consoles for sale in order to pay for it. But this new footage from Capcom’s PS4 game engine has us eying our firstborns, wondering if it’s really worth hanging onto them when we could sacrifice them to Dark Lord Taro Aso to have him spirit us a brand new PS4 ahead of launch.

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Better than barbershop: Amazing a cappella renditions from Street Fighter and other classic Japanese games

I’ve never done the math, but I can confidently say the amount of time I spent as a kid standing in line at an arcade to play the classic fighting game Street Fighter II totals somewhere in the dozens of hours.

As a result of all that waiting around to dragon punch people, the game’s soundtrack is permanently hard-wired into my brain. I’ll occasionally find myself unconsciously humming the various Street Fighter II character themes, and while the specific title may be different, I’m sure gamers everywhere have certain pieces of background music stuck in their heads, too.

What separates YouTube user Smooth McGrove from the rest of us though, aside from a glorious beard, is his ability to near-perfectly replicate every single note of the arrangement from iconic video game tunes, using nothing but his own voice.

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Konami confirms autumn release for Winning Eleven 2014, releases new trailer

Earlier today, video game heavyweight Konami Corporation unveiled a new page on its official website dedicated to the newest instalment in its popular football series World Soccer Winning Eleven 2014 (or Pro Evolution Soccer 2014 in the West), along with a new trailer showing the game off in all its ultra-realistic glory.

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Word of a brand new Wii U Zelda not so far away?

While many critics are pointing to the underwhelming performance of Nintendo’s Wii U platform as yet another sign that the video game giant should beat a hasty retreat from the hardware industry and instead become a multi-platform publisher, recent news from the house of Mario suggests that there’s plenty of life in the old dog yet.

With dozens of new first-party titles arriving in the next 12 months, the Wii U is gradually beginning to pick up steam. But when President and CEO of Nintendo Satoru Iwata made reference to a brand new The Legend of Zelda title for Wii U in a recent interview with Britain’s The Guardian, people really started paying attention.

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Capcom Japan offering limited edition ‘blood pillow’ prize to Phoenix Wright fans

Upcoming Nintendo 3DS title Gyakuten Saiban 5 (known in the English-speaking world as Phoenix Wright: Dual Destinies) may still be a couple of months away from release in the West, but gamers in Japan are already charging their portable consoles in preparation for its launch this Thursday.

Developer Capcom, too, is helping fans get back into detective mode after their brief hiatus by asking visitors to the official Phoenix Wright website to investigate a crime scene and spot the contradictions in three witness statements. Those who can successfully solve the puzzle will be entered into a prize draw to win one of 50 ‘blood pillows’ designed to transform any sleeping gamer into the victim of a grizzly cartoon murder.

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Chopsticks: why every gamer should know how to use them

In an age when we do the majority of our multiplayer gaming online, sometimes separated by entire oceans and continents, there’s nothing quite like a bit of couch co-op or split-screen multiplayer. I refer, of course, to the act of playing games together in the same room using a single screen; something that until the arrival of cheap, reliable internet was the only form of multiplayer video gaming there was. Make a night of it with a few chilled drinks, snacks and a couple of pizzas, and you and your gamer pals are in for a great time.

But with this infinitely more sociable form of gaming there also comes great danger: the risk of gross, greasy controllers. I’m sure many of you can recall taking a controller from a friend or sibling during a long afternoon playing Street Fighter II only to find it positively dripping with perspiration. What’s even worse is when said hand sweat is mixed up with pizza grease and cheesy powder from the endless bags of Doritos and Cheetos you and your friends have been working your way though.

It is time, my gamer friends, to learn to use chopsticks.

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Dozens of new Nintendo games available to play for free at Comic-Con 2013!

Nintendo has announced that it will be giving visitors to this year’s San Diego Comic-Con event the chance to get their hands on a number of as-yet-unreleased Nintendo games for Wii U and 3DS.

Being based in Japan, the spiritual home of video games, we’re used to feeling smug about getting our sticky fingers on most of Nintendo’s titles before many in the West, so you can be sure this news has left us greener than Luigi’s cap with envy!

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Sony coughs up US$375,000 to British authorities for security breach

Withdrawing its previous objection, Sony Corporation has agreed to pay a civil fine of 37.5 million yen (about US$375,000) to British authorities after the 2011 security breach of its online gaming network resulted in the leakage of millions of users’ personal information.

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Calling all retro gamers! 1,000 Nintendo consoles up for grabs on Yahoo! Auctions

Launched in 1983 in Japan, Nintendo’s Family Computer, or Famicom as it is more fondly known, quickly became a household name thanks to titles like Donkey Kong and Mario Bros. Strikingly different in design to its Western counterpart, the NES, the Famicom’s low profile with its multitude of buttons and ridges and docking slots for a pair of gold and burgundy controllers is now considered to be an iconic piece of video game hardware, frequently bought and sold at auction or at used game stores.

While many gamers would no doubt quite like the idea of picking a Famicom up for themselves and reliving a few 8-bit classics, we’re not entirely sure how many people would be in the market to buy 1,000 of the things all at once…

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Gamers revolt after Nintendo prohibits the streaming of Smash Bros at fighting game tournament

Ladies and gentlemen, the internet has a voice, and it will be heard.

In news that is sure to be met with cheers from all around the globe, multinational video game company Nintendo has reversed its earlier decision not to allow the streaming of footage of popular brawler Super Smash Bros. Melee at the upcoming Evo Championship Series fighting game tournament in Las Vegas. And it’s all thanks to the power of the people.

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He was a good man; a perverted man; a man who liked games in which female characters’ unfeasibly large breasts bounce around with every tiny movement of their body, and clothes dissolve into pixel dust with every well-timed button press or click. Today, ladies and gentlemen, we mourn an ero-gamer.

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