funny

Presenting: RocketNews24’s First Ever Commercial

That’s right, kids, we’ve hit the big leagues. And it’s all thanks to you. Sure, we began in a tiny one-room office in Shinjuku, bickering with each other about elbow space, missing pencils and who had been using the communal coffee without putting a five yen coin in the jar beside it, but thanks to our wonderful readers and the attention of the Internet masses in general, we’re now a fully fledged news beast stationed in a swanky high-rise where we rub shoulders with some of Japan’s greatest innovators and creative geniuses.

To mark the occasion, we’ve just put the finishing touches to our new commercial, featuring none other than reporter extraordinaire Mr. Sato, and a tremendously catchy jingle. The full video — plus a special bonus version — after the jump!

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There’s a new sheriff in town, and his name is Hentai Kamen.

Just two weeks prior to the release of his own movie, the “perverted mask” renegade that is Hentai Kamen has been sighted in a special ad intended to crack down on inconsiderate cinema patrons who use their mobile phones, put their feet up on the seats in front of them or sneakily record the movie with video cameras.

Of course, this being Hentai Kamen, justice comes in usual forms as we see three unsavoury moviegoers get their just deserts, pervert style.

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Crazy Ninja Skills: Japan’s Schoolgirls Are Too Epic For Words 【Photos】

It’s all too easy to sneer whenever someone in the media brings up “the youth of today” and how they’re always wasting time with their gadgets, music and wallpaper paste or whatever it is they do instead of studying to become the people who will one day run the country and help us on and off the toilet.

But when we stumble upon photos of such epic proportions as these, we can’t help but forgive Japan’s youth for tooling around every now and then, and find ourselves smiling as we look on and think: man, that’s cool.

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Japan’s Greatest Faux Beers: Everything You Need to Know About Happoshu

Whether you realize it or not, you’ve probably had a happoshu (発泡酒)or “low-malt beer-like beverage” if you’ve ever had a night out in Japan.

The taste of a typical happoshu can vary from “pretty close to the real thing” to “yes, this is definitely weasel urine.” Going into a convenience store and blindly grabbing a beer can is thus a bit of a gamble in Japan, so, ever the masculine, barrel-chested and dashingly handsome role model father to our readers, we’ve done the work for you and chosen the five happoshu brands that are worth your time:

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Newest Pickup Artist Technique: Dress Like a Woman, Wander Around Shinjuku

An especially unusual schoolgirl is getting quite the reputation on Twitter due to the fact that she is either a) suffering from hypertrichosis or, b) is actually a very old man (who is young at heart).

The sailor uniformed old man is primarily seen in the Ikebukuro and Shinjuku areas of Tokyo and seems to have carved a niche posing with schoolgirls, who are seriously eating it up. This may be the freshest new way for guys out of their prime to make some new lady friends.

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Evil Science: Splicing Actor Nicholas Cage with Pokémon Produces Terrifying Results

Some people love Pokémon. Some people love movies. And some people love actor and director Nicholas Cage. Quite why one creative individual decided that the Face/Off and Kick-Ass star would look good as a pocket monster, though, we have no idea. One thing’s for certain, though: Cagémon is at once wonderful and terrifying.

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Twitter Explodes as Polar Bear is Spotted Fishing in the Wilds of Tokyo

OK, so it may not be a living, breathing polar bear (only joking, kids- of course it’s real!), but this certainly isn’t something that you’d expect to see on your way to work in the big city!

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Overhead Tablet Stand Makes it Easy to Use Your iPad While Lounging in Bed

Last month we introduced a clever invention that held a heavy laptop over the user’s head, allowing anyone to use their computer while lounging in bed. This month we found a different version of the same concept: an overhead tablet stand. As long as they are sturdy enough to support the weight of their intended device, the laptop and tablet stands seem like useful products. But if the stands did fail and if you had to choose, we’re guessing you’d rather get a tablet to the face than a laptop.  Read More

Baby Elephant Sits on Man, Hilarity Ensues 【Video】

This video, also known as “Arthur Gets Owned by a Baby Elephant,” shows a tiny two-month-old elephant playing with a young tourist in Chiang Mai, Thailand. Please note that by “tiny” we mean “enormous” and by “playing with” we mean “sitting on.” Getting sat on by a baby elephant doesn’t sound so bad until you realize that a baby elephant weighs 220 lbs (100kg)… at birth. Don’t worry, no tourists nor elephants were harmed in the making of this video.

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Do You Know Where Japan Is? These Turkish Men Aren’t So Sure

It’s a shame that our man Mr. Sato didn’t talk a little more about his own country during his recent visit to Turkey. In a video currently attracting a lot of attention here in Japan, a Turkish television crew hit the streets of Istanbul to ask its residents whether they knew the geographical location of Japan. As it happens, despite the amount of media attention that Japan has received in the past couple of years, the average man on the street in Turkey is still a little off the mark when it comes to the home of sushi and Super Mario…

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What’s Your National Stereotype? Japanese Sinking Ship Joke Has Got You Pegged

You’ve all heard the joke about the sinking ship, right? This joke explicitly reveals the deep inner motivations of the men of many different nations. It’s famous for hitting the nail on the head when it comes to cultural stereotypes. Really, this joke knows you better than you know yourself. Popular in Japan, it also goes down a treat at drinking parties worldwide.

So, what is this joke that so accurately pinpoints cultural stereotypes? Here it is…

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Domino’s Pizza Japan Teams Up with Hatsune Miku, Releases Fantastic Cringeworthy Video

Domino’s Pizza stepped things up a gear yesterday when it announced that it is partnering with digital pop idol Hatsune Miku for its latest promotional campaign. As well as allowing them to order pizzas without actually having to speak to anyone, the new Domino’s Pizza feat. Hatsune Miku app for iPhone lets customers enjoy private performances from the singing humanoid by pointing the iPhone’s camera at special app-friendly pizza boxes.

Perhaps even better than the campaign itself, though, is the cheesy video that Domino’s launched yesterday to introduce the app, which features company president Scott Oellkers doing his best to look excited about having his photo taken with the teal-haired star. Corporate enthusiasm aplenty after the break.

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Korean Delivery Guy Shows Us His Supernatural Powers 【Video】

Delivering flyers, brochures and leaflets in winter is no fun. It’s cold, windy, you get barked at or chased by dogs and the pay is bad. If only there were a way to cruise by, fling your wares and be off in the blink of an eye, safe in the knowledge that they won’t blow away or sit on the ground waiting to be stepped on or soaked through by the rain and snow…

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Tokyo Store Launches Concierge Service to Help Clueless Men Shopping for their Girlfriends

With White Day little over a week away, thousands of men in Japan are currently feeling the heat. Having received gifts from their loved ones on Valentine’s Day, it’s now time to return the favour by buying their sweetheart something that simultaneously says “thank you” while acting as a token of their affections.

But when most men think of the words “great gift”, they often envisage things like video games or iPad-controlled helicopters, and the chances of such items going down well with their wives or girlfriends are slim to none.

Thankfully, help is at hand! Available at Tokyo’s Tokyu Hands department store, the White Day Concierge service is designed to help male shoppers on the hunt for a romantic gift find something that their other half may actually like, rather than just a female Tenga toy with a ribbon tied around it and the promise of a shoulder rub.

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China Holds Its Second Underpants Jogging Event in Beijing 【Photos】

On 24 Feb. at Beijing’s Olympic Forest Park, the second Underwear Jogging Tournament invited runners from around the country to strip down and be at one with nature while burning a few calories.

Judging from these photos, it was quite a sight.

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What to Do If Suddenly Stuck with 100,000 Toy Blocks: A Management Guide

Being in management is difficult. Sometimes you have to make lightning-quick decisions that you later regret. However, the most valuable members of an organization are the ones that take a risk, fail, and then make success from that very same failure.

The pioneering entrepreneurs at Omocoro are just such business men and would like to share their techniques with you on how to make gold out of 100,000 errantly purchased toy blocks in the following handy guide.

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Mr. Sato Schools Fellow Reporter at “Go! Go! Curry” Speed Eating Contest

Usually when people think of curry, the first country that springs to mind is India. But even in the land of sushi, ramen and okonomiyaki, curry and rice (or kare raisu” as it is known here) often tops people’s lists of food favourites.

On Feb. 25, Japanese curry chain Go! Go! Curry launched its annual speed eating championship, which challenges famished food fans to consume two servings of their regular house curry and rice as quickly as possible. Unlike many eating contests where participants must simply force down as much food as possible, Go! Go! Curry’s challenge focuses entirely on how quickly diners can shovel food into their respective shout holes.

Always ready for a challenge, RocketNews24‘s eternally hungry reporter Mr. Sato grabbed his younger coworker Tashiro-kun and marched over to the branch of Go! Go! Curry nearest to Shinjuku station’s east exit to take part. Suffice to say, Tashiro-kun learned a lot during their visit. They say that every apprentice eventually becomes the master, but it’s clear that this young Jedi still has a long way to go.

The full video of the pair’s frantic face stuffing after the jump.

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Pocket Money for Leo: Django Unchained Star finds Extra Work Pimping Whiskey in Japan

Commercials: a lot of celebrities in the west won’t touch them with a borrowed pole. After working hard to build up their portfolio and making themselves a household name, for many professional actors the mere thought of putting their face on an advertisement is completely abhorrent.

In Japan, however, it’s a very different story. TV celebrities, singers and sports stars are a common feature on commercials, whether they be on television, magazines or even hanging over our heads as we take the train to work each morning. Watches, skin cream, beer, anti-hair loss, cars, language courses; you name it, someone famous is smiling and pretending they love it in exchange for a few extra yen.

This time it’s the turn of hollywood heart-throb Leonardo DiCaprio to take the cash and smile for the camera. Because, as we all know, DiCaprio never shuts up about how much he loves Jim Beam whiskey usually…

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Chinese Bootleg DVDs Improve on Originals in Every Way

Did you know that Star Wars: Episode I was distributed by Mac and had Arnold Schwarzenegger reprising his role as Dutch from Predator?

Of course not because it’s not true, but how great would it be if it had been. This and the other images below of bootleg DVDs from China have been circulating the web for some time now. However, among all the laughter, people are overlooking the valuable lessons Hollywood studios could stand to learn from them.

Without exception, all of these comically mislabeled and wantonly Photoshopped covers improved on their originals.

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